A Forest of Blood and Snow
by Facetaker
Summary: Erin, trying to escape her life at an Illyrian war camp, cheats her way into the Blood Rite. Never before has a female participated in the rite and the consequences are dire. Her actions leads her on a strange path to find lost family and new friends. A bond she spent her life avoiding tugging from the shadows. (Azriel/OC) Inner circle. Set after A Court of Frost and Starlight.
1. Shadows

**A Forest of Snow and Blood**

 **Chapter 1: Shadows**

The snow was biting, her face, her hands, her skin where the leathers had ripped. She gritted her teeth together as she dug her fingers into the frozen snow, the pain dulled by the coldness seeping through her heavy leathers. Blood stained the snow by her hand, blood leaking from her torn gloves.

She grunted as she pulled up, her arm and body aching from the resistance. Sander let out a growl of pain behind her, but she kept pulling.

"The blade," she rasped, without looking back. Sander groaned as he reached up and gave her the blade. She slammed it through the frozen hill, giving her something to step on.

The wind howled, and with the wind they could hear the voices. She glanced down in a horrified moment as Sandor grabbed for the makeshift bow.

"They're closing in," was all he said, his voice hoarse from screaming over the howling wind.

She swallowed her throat dry as she looked down the steep, snow and ice covered mountain. A trail of blood followed them, easy to follow. She couldn't see far in the storm, but she knew they were coming.

"If you have to, you cut me loose" Sander groaned as he positioned the bow, ready to shoot. She glared back at him as she pulled them higher.

"No. Fucking. Way"

"Erin," His voice was barely audible over the wind, but she felt his hand grasp her knee, the tug around her middle as he moved. The rope binding them together moving and scraping against her leathers. _His_ leathers.

"If they come, you cut me lose. Promise."

"Shut up and look be lookout," she growled through gritted teeth.

Erin groaned as she pulled them across a particularly steep cliff. And then glanced up.

She couldn't see the top, could barely see 20 feet ahead in the snow. She had no idea how far up they where, how close they where to the monolith. She guessed not very. She couldn't remember how long they'd climbed. If it was hours or days.

She huffed, her body aching, ready to give in, to lay down and freeze to death, not the worst way to go. The cold made you numb and didn't let you feel pain. Maybe it would feel like going to sleep.

Her eyes flashed to the blood splattered under her, the stark red against the glistening clean snow, so innocent but yet so deadly. And she gritted her teeth together, and kept pulling.

It wasn't called the Blood Rite for nothing.

…

 _Ten days earlier_

Erin grunted as one of the camp matrons dropped another heavy bag of laundry onto her already full wheeler.

"Seriously?" she groaned, but the older woman simply gave her cold stare before turning away. "Bitch" she added under her breath as she began hauling the wheeler. Her boots splattered through the mud, as she started up the small hill leading up to the laundry house. It wasn't usually this heavy work, but the mud was slippery today and she had a hard time getting a grip. She tried not to notice if anyone was looking at her as she struggled up the hill. The sound of steel crashing and then suddenly stopping told her she was being watched. But she kept trudging on.

"Do you need help?" A voice called out, the words themselves where nice and the tone was soft, but Erin knew the innuendo lacing those words.

"I'm fine, thank you," she said, her words clipped, and kept looking ahead. Another girl - Seina, passed by on her right, carrying two sacks of clean laundry, and gave her compassionate look. Erin glanced at her briefly, just as Seina's eyes traveled to the man that Erin was avoiding. Her eyes grew large and she poked Erin in the side as she passed, she pressed her lips in a thin line.

"C'mon, that looks awful, let me help you," he said, and then she heard a splattering sound. She turned around to see him jumping over the fence from the training ring, and heading straight for her. Erin found herself glancing back towards Seina's retreating back, for anyone, but then his rough hand closed around her's, and she had to stop herself from snatching it back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Lord Gilron smiled, a smile that didn't reach his black, dull eyes. Erin shifted, away from his scent and his body heat. She was sure that was probably _exactly_ his intentions.

Lord Gilron reached across her, taking the wheeler from her, his broad shoulders shutting out the sun as he towered over her, wings flaring.

Erin had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. She wasn't interested in his male displays of dominance, and she'd made that perfectly clear. But Gilron was the Lord's son, and an esteemed commander and warrior, and he was not used to being told _no_.

She fell into step beside him, as far away as she could, as he easily pulled that cart up the slippery hill with ease. It wasn't surprising, he was a brute, honed by centuries of battle and training.

A good match, according to everyone. Especially for an orphan like her.

"You shouldn't have to be working like this, I'll make sure they'll lighten your workload. And once you get married, you'll only have to take the chores you want. You could stay inside in the warmth, sowing or something". He said, his eyes drifting to her, lingering on her neck. Erin felt the thinly veiled promise behind those words. She could have that life if she married _well_ , married _him_.

She wondered when he'd grow tired, when he'd find another girl to be his conquest. Well he had new females in his bed every night, and she'd thought that would keep him from looking her way but he was… persistent.

It had started about 6 months ago, when he and the other warriors came back from the war. She'd been sixteen when Gilron had been sent to look over the warriors at a training camp, and eighteen when he came back. Not turned nineteen, he thought she was ready and ripe for the taking. An exotic conquest.

Erin was originally from the most northern regions of Illyria, and her complexion was lighter than most of those here. Her skin lighter and her hair a reddish auburn instead of black or dark brown. People seemed mostly intrigued with her blue eyes. That was probably what caught his interest, because she was definitely lacking in other departments. She wasn't curvy, and her breasts where barely half the size of her cousin Neira's.

"Sounds cozy" she finally answered, trudging ahead. A camp mother glanced their way as they passed, eyes darting between her and Gilron as she pursed her mouth in distaste.

"I could give you a safe home, and status, recognition", he finally stopped at the top of the hill, handing the cart back to her, his warm heavy hand lingering around hers. They felt like shackles.

"I'm not…I would not make a good wife," she managed to press out, peering up at him. "Someone else would probably be better suited for you, someone more beautiful."

"Erin" he looked down at her, his hair swept back in a ponytail and his square jaw angling, she supposed he was handsome. But that coldness, the brutality that was barely controlled behind those leathers. She had to stop herself from backing away, her hands still in his iron grip.

"Erin," he repeated. "I want you."

Panic rose in her chest, and she felt her wings flaring slightly behind her, and Gilron's eyes caught it too.

"I have to go, I still have a lot of work to do before sundown." She said and finally felt his hands loosen around hers, his gaze traveling towards the camp mother now looking at her, and beckoning. Erin was thankful towards that horrible woman for the first time in her life as she stomped away with her wheeler as fast as she could. She dared throw a sidelong glance to see him watching her walking away, a grim smile on his face.

…

Erin was thoroughly tired as she walked through the front door the same evening, mostly wanting to lie down directly on the floor. But her aunt would probably throw a hissy fit if she got everything wet. Instead she shrugged out of her leathers - not warrior leathers like most of the men. But a tunic like, slightly longer coat accenting the waist, pants and heavy boots. The kind of outfit most unmarried or unmated females wore.

"Erin?" a lovely light voice called from the kitchen, Neira.

"Yeah," she said as she stomped inside, the floorboards creaking. Most of the wealthier families had homes made of timber and stones, easy to stack on each other and move. Her uncle being a commander at their outpost had a nice, warm timber house. A house they so very nicely let her live in, as her aunt every so often reminded her.

"Mother and father will not be back until later, so it's just you and me for dinner," Neira chirped, her hair bobbing around her shoulders as she stuck her head out around the corner.

"Smells great, I'm starving," she said back, giving her cousin a smile. Her spirits rising slightly knowing it would just be the two of them.

"Maybe we should invite Sander," Neira mused as she leaned over the stove. Erin plopped down on one of the wooden chairs.

"Sure, if they won't be back it's probably fine,"

"You have to go get him," Neira gave her a sharp look and she groaned loudly.

"I _just_ got in and my body is so sore I might actually have to sleep on this chair!"

"Fine," Neira bobbed between cabinets, shiny dark hair swaying. Neira was a classic Illyran beauty, small but curvy and exquisite features topped of with full, rose colored lips. The men literally gawked at her as she passed. She would soon marry, being eighteen and one year younger than Erin.

"I'll go but you'll have to stir the pot, okay? If I come back and it's stuck to the pot you're not getting any!" She said sternly, and Erin nodded heavily.

As the door fell shut behind her cousin she slowly made her way up to stir the pot. It smelled absolutely heavenly, and her mouth began to water as she noticed the freshly baked bread on the counter. She knew Neira would notice if she ate something, and she didn't have the energy for it so she simply slurped a little bit from the soup, letting it warm her belly.

She finally let down her wings, the exhaustion in her body to great to keep them elevated. They brushed the floor, but it was clean, thanks to Neira.

The image of Gilron flexing his giant wings as he towered over her flashed by her mind and she shuddered, suddenly feeling a cold creeping from her core. She tried to push the thought away again.

He would grow tired soon. He had to.

A few minutes later Neira came back, Sander in tow, his eyes lightening up the moment he entered the kitchen and smelled the food.

"Oh this is awesome" he almost groaned, shaking his wings, splattering water and snow on the clean floor.

"Sander!" Neira exclaimed, barely reaching up to Sandor's chest as she glared at him. He simply grinned back down at her, before gently pushing past her, towards the food.

"Hey!" Erin growled, stepping between Sander and the food. "You get served last okay? Or else there will be nothing left for us,"

"Fine," Sander rolled his eyes, but still leaned to glance over her shoulder at the food, eyes gleaming. Sander was tall, lean compared to most of the Illyrian warriors, his family wasn't that well off, and she wasn't sure he ever got a decent meal between his visits to their house. He was training to become a warrior, entering the Blood Rite that was less than two weeks away. Whenever he talked about it he would get the same hungry gleam in his eyes as he had now.

But Erin knew it wasn't bloodlust, no he only wanted to have purpose, to belong somewhere, show them that he could do it and prove his worth. Sandor was kind, and had been her first friend when she came to Ironvale. And probably the only decent male in this forsaken hellhole.

She never told him that though, it would probably hurt his little Illyrian male ego.

After some well meant quipping they all settled down at the table, fashioned to seat people with wings properly. Erin and Sander both wolfed their food down without taking a breath, while Neira rolled her eyes and ate slowly and delicately, like a proper lady.

Erin tried to ignored the way Neira's eyes traveled to Sander as he ate, resting on his clean shaved brown skin, sharp cheekbone and short cut hair, neatly tightly shaven at the side and longer at the top, casting shadows across his heavy eyelashes as he ate.

Neira's mouth had dropped slightly open, and Erin gave her a kick under the table.

"Ow," she let out, glaring back at Erin. Sandor barely glanced up, head still halfway into the bowl as he gazed between them.

"What?"

"Nothing," Neira quipped. "Eat you damned food."

Sandor grinned back wolfishly at Neira but gladly obeyed. Erin leaned back in the chair, finally thawing her cold muscles. And at this moment, listening to the bickering of her friends, food in her stomach and a warm bed waiting for her, she felt happy.

…

The next days went on in a similar fashion, hard work with the other unmarried and unmated females, the mated and married ones, and the ones of higher standing, where busy preparing for the Winter Solstice. Illyrian celebrated the longest night of the year by drinking to much, eating to much and fighting too much. They party always got out of hand, and her uncle hadn't let her or her cousin attend before, not that Erin had particularly wanted to. But the males were back from fighting in the war against Hybern, looking for women to take to their bed, to make wives or just for the night. And every female of marriable age was required to attend.

Erin glanced longingly at the males in the training field, trying to memorize the way they moved, the way they threw a punch or swung their blades. The High Lord wanted females to learn how to fight, and whenever he or one of his generals visited Ironvale the Lord, Gilron's father, would trow a few of the younger girls in the ring to pretend they were learning. Stuffing the rest of them into the laundry house or the kitchens in the meantime. Erin and the rest of the younger females hadn't received any of the training they where supposed to. She hadn't back at her old home either, her father had taught her some, but he'd been a blacksmith and not a warrior.

Sandor tried to teach her too, whenever they had a moment and could find a secluded space. Which wasn't often. He showed her the moves he'd learned, but they weren't easily adapted to her size, and it usually ended with bot of them frustrated and cursing at each other.

She was fairly good at archery though, and had a good aim, she could throw knife and hit the right target at a far distance, and she was quick. Sandor said she should use that, she was a hard target due to her smaller wings, she could probably outfly most of the warriors in the camp.

She thought about that as her gaze traveled across the males on the field, Sander was there, his face stern with concentration as he fought against a brute warrior twice his size, but held up surprisingly well. She felt a familiar burning gaze on her and turned to find Gilron, leaning against the fence, staring right back at her. His mouth was curled upwards, eyes glazed with a hungry gleam.

The same gleam most of the males in the camp had as the day wore on, and the festivities drew closer.

She was let go from her duties earlier than usual, told to go home and prepare. Get pretty and maybe catch the eye of a male.

The females had been gossiping all day, about which males they found the most attractive, the most admirable and the best warriors. And their _wingspan_.

The married and mated ones shared looks and smiled at them with knowing eyes, so extremely contented with themselves. They didn't have to maneuver these dangerous waters. Because it was dangerous, one wrong step and you were ruined. If you got pregnant and the male didn't acknowledge or claim the child, you were basically no one- lowest on the food chain. No more worth than a dog.

Erin had vowed long ago to never let that happen, not after what they did to her mother, and tried to push Gilron's hungry black eyes out of her head as she stomped home.

…

Erin and Neira where both clad in their finest coats, fur lined and not leather for once. Neira's was a lot nicer then Erin's, but she didn't care. Neira had pulled back the front of her hair in braid and let the rest cascade down her back, and even put a thin line of kohl across Erin's eyelids, and let her borrow some rouge. Not that they needed it in the cold, their cheeks and noses already flushed.

The camp square was already buzzing with life, a large fire crackling merrily and warming the people who drew near. Music was being played and ale and other alcoholic drinks had been passed around since noon.

Erin sipped on some hot cider, mostly to keep warm, she watched as the males glanced at Neira, lingering on her breasts, her hips and her backside. Animals. All of them. Erin pulled her coat tighter around her, trying to keep the chill air out.

After her uncle and aunt had disappeared to talk to the Lord Calum - Gilron's father, and his wife, Sander finally dared to show up. They left Neira with a few of her female friends as they headed for a calmer spot to drink their drinks in peace. There was none, and their usual spot was occupied by a couple doing… well _something_ , as they walked by. Erin's face warmed, and Sandor spent a good half an hour teasing her about it.

"Oh shut up, it's not like you're such a 're here talking to me, instead of out charming the ladies." She finally countered.

"Ugh everyone is so on edge tonight, you'd probably get in a fight if you accidentally glanced in the same direction of a female someone else has their sight on" he groaned, glancing down at her.

"Why? Do you want me to leave you alone so you can find yourself a handsome warrior to sire your babies?"

"No thanks" she rolled her eyes, but walked closer to Sander. He didn't tease her, he knew why she kept close. He even let his wings brush casually against hers.

"Hey Sander!" One of his friends called, a group of young males sat together, eyeing Neira and her friends across the fire.

Sander glanced at her in question, and she shook her head. "You go ahead, I think I'm going to go home, I don't feel well."

"Do you want me to walk you home?" He said, but his friend called again.

"Nah, it's fine, it's really close."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, or the day after that." He winked. Males didn't not have to work tomorrow. Females did. She growled at him as he sauntered away, his friends cheering in response.

She turned around and kept a frisk phase, it had grown dark, and even though the stars glimmered above the night felt heavy, threatening. She almost let out a sigh of relief as she came around the corner to her house, the brawling sounds of the festivities drowning away. The relief quickly turned to fear as she saw a dark figure leaning against the front of their door.

He spotted her before she had time to duck back into the shadows.

"Erin," his voice was raw, and she could smell the alcohol reeking off him as he was in front of her in seconds, his wings spread wide behind him and drowning out all light from the stars. He had her cornered, against a wall, on an empty street, on solstice.

She swallowed hard, and his eyes went to her lips with a predatory gleam as he stepped closer. She could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"You don't have to be afraid" he whispered hoarsely as he leaned against the wall, down towards her. "I promise I'll be careful, I know you haven't been with anyone before." His breath was hot on her neck.

"I'm waiting, for the bond, or for marriage," anything to avoid him, she placed a hand on his chest, brazing herself. "You know how it is" her voice strained. Panic was rising inside her chest, she was trapped, caged.

"You don't have to worry, I'm a Lord, I'll make sure nothing bad happens" his mouth closed on her neck, his lips hot and wet against her cold skin. Erin let out a noise of protest, but he grabbed her arms, pinning her against the wall tightly, his wings shielding them both from the rest of the world.

"Please Gilron don't-"

His hands started roaming, his breath coming faster as they grazed her small breasts as he pushed away her coat.

"I can't!" her voice grew louder, and she tried to fight him, but ha had her completely pinned against that wall. Fear was starting to freeze her muscles as he lowered his head towards her, forcing his lips on hers.

"What is going on here?" A familiar male voice cut trough the night, and Gilron froze. But he didn't step away. Erin was taking heavy breaths, trying to keep her fear in check as she gazed, wild eyed, over his wing, back at her uncle.

Something like disgust shone in his eyes, but his eyes traveled to Gilron, his lips in a thin line.

"Yes Crowley, is there a problem?" Gilron still had his hands resting on her stomach, her arm, barely unfazed. Something in her uncle seemed to flare, and he bared his teeth slightly.

"My niece is neither married nor mated to you, step away from her," he demanded with a growl.

If she hadn't been trembling with fear, hating every inch where her skin met Gilron's, she might have been proud that her uncle dared to growl at the Lord's vicious son. It seemed Gilron thought the same thing, and he let her go harshly, leaving her sagging against the wall as he stalked over towards her uncle.

Gilron had almost a head on her uncle, and towered over him too. But her uncle didn't step back as as Gilron showed his teeth with a feral smile.

"I'm going to remember this Crowley," he turned his head slowly, animalistic eyes raking across her body and finally settling on her face. "I'll see you later Erin."

Her name sounded so dirty coming from his mouth, and she felt sick through her very core as Gilron prowled away, back towards the celebration.

"Erin," her uncle's voice was hard, his eyes unforgiving as he focused on a spot beside her on the wall. "Get inside the house. Now."

"Yes uncle," she lowered her head quickly, not looking up as she trudged past him through the snow, fleeing into the house. He followed her inside, the house cold, no fire burning to warm it. The door fell shut, rattling the hinges.

"You will not speak of this, you will keep your head down, stay out of trouble and stay away from Gilron. You got it?" He growled, his jaw tense even in the darkness of the hallway. Erin nodded slowly.

"Yes uncle," she waited for a second for him to continue, but he was quiet and se took that as being dismissed and fled up the creaking stairs. She was shaking from head till toe as she slammed to door shut to the room she shared with her cousin.

Slowly, slowly she tried to control the shaking, keeping it from rattling the door as she sunk down to the floor, pulling her coat tighter around her. The cold seemed to have a permeant hold on her, and no matter how long she sat there, she couldn't get warm. But those places on her skin where he'd touched, kissed… they burned against the coldness.

She didn't know how long it had been as she heard Neira come up the stairs, and quickly got from the door, shuffling over to her bed and burying herself underneath the covers, coat still on, just as her cousin came in.

Erin finally fell asleep hours later, to the steady rhythm of Neira's breaths.

She dreamt of a cell, a cell completely drowned in darkness. She was strung up, pinned against the ground as shadows raked across her body, unable to move.

She woke up, cold clammy sweat covering her entire body, still feeling those shadows against her skin, replacing the burning Gilron's touch had left.

 **Authors note: So… I'm guessing some of you are like "Where the hell are our fav illyrians?!" And let me assure you, they will show up, with the rest of the inner circle. Also, what do you guys think? Is this worth continuing? I have good feeling about it, because I need something to keep my occupied until the next book. Also I really wanted to explore the life of an illyrian female, and thought it would be a good way to bring in an OC. So, I'd love to hear from you! Bye for now 3**


	2. Frozen

**Chapter 2: Frozen**

The next few days Erin followed her uncle's orders. As an Illyrian female was supposed to do, but in this case she didn't mind. She only left the house when she had to, and always kept close to the other females when they worked.

But she could feel his gaze burning at her back as she passed the training ring, even if she tried to hide herself behind the other girls. Felt his eyes tracking her like she was his prey, and he was a looking for a good hunt. She never dared take her eyes off the muddy ground.

One morning, as she passed a few of the younger warriors, she finally looked up.

"It's only a few days until then you'll never get in shape. The other clan's will eat you alive" one of them laughed, an edge to his tone despite the laughter. All males were on edge this close to the rite.

"Whatever, when I scale that mountain, no one will ever dare cross me again" the other male puffed, his wings flaring threateningly. His friends only laughed in response, but all of them eyed each other wearily.

None of them noticed her as she stopped dead in the mud, arms slack and laundry sack dragging through the snowy dirt.

The Blood Rite.

She didn't keep her eyes on the ground the rest of that day, she turned her chin high, far away from Gilron's burning gaze.

She knew what she had to do.

….

 _Cassian_

Cassian was lounging heavily across one of the plush armchairs at the town house. His body heavy, his leathers still cold from a day out at the Windhaven camp. Everyone was on edge with the Blood Rite in progress, mothers, sisters and wives wondering if their males would return home. And in what state.

The Blood Rite was a rite of passage for any Illyrian warrior, of any clan. Everything was allowed at the rite, and a lot of old feuds where usually settled in that ancient forest. A week in the cold, wings bound, with nothing but what you're wearing on you. If you didn't freeze to death or starve to death, chances where you'd find yourself stabbed to death. Many who walked in, didn't walk out.

Mor was lazily flapping through her book at the other side of the room, her eyes darting over at him ever so often. He knew she was there to keep an eyes on him, especially after dealing with the edgy Illyrian Lord's and Commanders all day.

Feyre came into the hallway, barely looking up from her notebook as she entered the room, scribbling away furiously. Probably working on that new estate of hers, her solstice gift from Rhysand. Or "house" as she liked to call it.

House, he'd laughed as she said it. More like a castle.

But he had to admit it would be nice to have a bed in the city where he could fully stretch his legs, and not have to share with Az.

He moved to make space for his High Lady as she plopped onto the couch, rather un-ladylike and tucked her feet in under her as she sat cross legged. Mor immediately swept over, trying to spy across Feyre's shoulder.

"Is that my room? Where's the closet?"

"Hey! No peeking, it's not done!"Feyre quipped, hugging her sketchbook to her chest. It looked new, Cassian guessed it had also been a gift from Rhysand. One of the more moderate ones.

"Mor, you have an apartment in the city", he pointed out. "I on the other hand would like a place to hang all my weapons…. preferably out on display… with good lighting." He grinned.

More and Feyre raised their eyebrows, and both decided to pointedly ignore him. He was just about to scoff at them as Rhysand came through the door, and the way Feyre shifted beside him he knew that something was wrong immediately.

"What's wrong?" Mor shot up from the couch, but Rhysand didn't even glance her way. He just stared at Cassian, eyes wide.

"The Illyrian's are in chaos" he said, and swallowed "There's a female participating… in the Blood Rite."

Cassian's blood went cold.

…

 _Erin_

Her fingers recoiled as the makeshift string snapped back from the bow, she hissed as it flicked across her frozen wrist. She took deep breath, trying to keep from shivering long enough to fasten the string around the bow.

She knew her body temperature was dangerously low, and she hadn't had anything to eat in the four day's since she'd gone into the forest. In the beginning she'd chewed at three bark to keep the hunger at bay, but now it only made her feel sick. She needed food now, or the other Illyrians in this forest wouldn't have the chance to kill her, the forest would do it for them.

Her leather jacked groaned as she flexed her arm, finally managing to secure the string on her bow. The leathers hung loosely around her hips, but had been secured with a thick string at the waist to keep from falling down. The handiwork of Neira.

It had taken hours of coaxing, convincing and shouting before she managed to get Sander to give her his old fighting leathers, the one's he'd grown out of. They'd smelled funny and where ripped all over, especially the knees and elbows, but at least they had been almost the right size. They were loose enough the hide her faint curves and small breasts, especially after she'd bound them tightly. And after Neira had fixed the holes, and taken it in at the right places, she'd almost looked presentable. She'd even added a dark hood, useful to hide her face from anyone who could have recognized her.

Neira had even gone so far as to rub black powder into her hair for hours, until it looked like her hair was as dark as her cousins. She'd decided against cutting it off, thinking it would be better to have it partly down to hide her face. But she'd fashioned her hair into a style the male warriors with long hair usually wore.

Neira had kept pleading her to reconsider the entire time, but never stopped helping. Maybe she'd understood, maybe she'd seen the way Gilron looked at her, maybe she'd known how caged Erin had felt at that camp.

Sander had been furious, angrier than she'd ever seen him before. He'd growled at her, something he'd never done before. And refused to help her. She'd finally had to tell him about Gilron, and he'd felt so bad that he gave in. But he'd kept scowling the entire time. He'd given her one of his few blades, tried to prepare her as well as he could in those final days.

Even as he clasped her hand, just before they where about to be flown out to their respective starting places- he hadn't said goodbye, he'd only stared her down, repeated the most vulnerable spots on an Illyrian male, and promised he would find her.

 _"_ _Go north, towards Ramiel, and I'll find you."_

She'd been heading due north for days, and still no Sander. She didn't dare break off path, she wasn't as good a tracker as Sander. It was better to keep going, and hope he found her, if he was even still alive.

She shook her head vigorously, brushing the snow off her leathers as she stood up. She pushed the doubt out of her mind as she examined the bow in her hand, and weighed her similarly built bow in the other.

She'd had bow with her as she entered, but lost it day two as she ran into an Illyrian from another clan. She'd gotten away after placing two arrows through his wings, and she hadn't stuck around to finish the job but fled, loosing her bow wading across a frozen stream as she was trying to put some distance between herself and the roaring male.

Her wings were still icy at the tips after the stream she'd broken herself through, she'd gotten used to the cold, but the gashes were barely healed.

She needed food. Now. While she was still able to move.

She tucked her gloves on again, and slung the rackety bow across her back as she prowled out from under the heavy fir tree she'd been hiding under. She picked of the tip of a frozen branch and plopped the ice into her mouth.

She grew slightly warmer when on the move, but the aching hollowness in her stomach made it hard to concentrate. Sander had told her the easiest pray would be rabbits, or maybe squirrels. She'd caught a glimpse of a squirrel the day before, but then she hadn't had a bow and flung her blade out instead. She hadn't even been close.

Today she couldn't afford a mistake like that.

She kept plowing through the snow, keeping between and under trees as much as she could. And always due north. Sometimes when the forest cleared she could spy the tip of Ramiel, as if the mountain was watching, watching all of them. She wondered if the mountain knew she was a female, different from the other Illyrians killing their way through the forest.

She kept her ears strained for any noise, an animal or a threat. If she heard anything that sounded bigger than a rabbit, she immediately scattered for safety.

And something was crashing through the forest, straight towards her, and it was definitely bigger than a rabbit.

She always kept mind of the wind, and flung through the left, with the wind as she crawled in under a tree- and started climbing. As long as those crashing footsteps kept falling down, she kept climbing. She swayed faintly on her branch as the steps stopped, and she froze too, not breathing.

Looking through the snow covered branches, she saw him a few trees away. He was growling, sniffing in the wind as he did so. Was he chasing someone? Food or foe?

She didn't dare move, not daring to make any sound or cause the slightest movement to make the snow fall from the branches. She kept praying that the wind didn't change, as long as it kept this way he probably wouldn't pick up on her scent.

He sniffed in the wind, and flipped around.

The shadow was on him before he had time to react.

Another male had dropped from the trees, just above the other, slashing a blade straight through his neck before the other male could even get his hands up.

Erin bit her lip to keep from making a sound as the blood poured from the man's throat, spraying the other male, staring down at him.

"Rebel scum" he spat at the dead male, loathing lacing his words.

Erin's fingers dug into the bark of the tree as the male lofted through the dead one's belongings. He came up with two daggers and tucked them in tightly under his cloak. Then his head shot up, snapping in her direction.

Her heart came up in her throat, her pulse thundering in her ears so loud she was sure she heard it. The wind had shifted slightly, but she didn't move, kept frozen.

His eyes flickered, he'd lost the scent, and he quickly started backing away. He prowled away the same way the other male had come from before. Erin listened until his steps died out completely, and then a long time after that.

She stayed still for so long she was surprised she hadn't frozen to the tree.

It wasn't until something flickered in the edge of her vision she swung around, careful only to move her head.

A squirrel was jumping across the branches, a few trees away. It flickered in and out of her vision and almost made her dizzy.

She took a deep breath, steadying herself as she slowly… very slowly reached for her bow. The squirrel stopped, hidden behind a few branches just as she got it into position. Her teeth broke the skin on her lip as she bit down, mouth watering.

She took slow breaths as she waited for movement, bow strung, the muscles in her arms screaming from the strung position.

When the squirrel appeared again she didn't hesitate. She let the arrow fly as she breathed out.

The arrow met the squirrel with a thud and an animalistic screech. Followed by a thud as it fell to the ground below.

Erin quickly climbed down, bringing her dagger out immediately, the pained noises from the squirrel would probably have made her stomach turn if it hadn't been entirely hollow. She didn't look at it's face as she quickly put it out of it's misery.

…

She made a fire that night, the coldest night yet. A fire was dangerous and could not only give away her position but also attract other predators. But she fas afraid she might not make it through the night if she didn't- and when she found a cave like hollow, almost entirely shadowed by the thick pine threes outside- she decided to take the risk.

She grilled squirrel, it was thin and had little fat, she forced herself to eat the meat slowly, and only half, she couldn't afford giving her stomach a shock and throwing it up again. The food settled slowly, and the small fire eased the aching in her wings that finally thawed.

She settled in to sleep, knowing it was dangerous but she couldn't fight the heaviness in her body anymore. She barely had time to throw some more branches on the fire before her eyes fell shut and sleep claimed her.

 _She dreamt of that dark cell again without light, she dreamt of the shackles chaining her as she struggled against them. No matter how hard she pulled they didn't loosen, but she kept trashing._

 _The shadows whispered around her as she trashed, stroking against her face, her shoulders and her bare arms. Soothing._

 _She was panting as she fell back against the cold, slippery cell floor, pain shooting from her wrists where the shackles had made deep cuts on her skin. The shadows relentlessly kept pressing on her, covering her until she felt them in her very being._

 _And they whispered to her. Fight._

 _Fight._

 _Fight._

 _Fight._

…

She startled awake, the male voice echoing through her head. The shadows were gone, replaced by the soft light of dawn simmering through the trees. The fire had burned out, and she was once again cold, the walls of the mossy cave suddenly felt like a prison, like the cell in her dreams and she scrambled up quickly. She snatched the rest of the rabbit out, she could eat it on the move, and covered the remains of the fire with snow.

Her limbs protested as she stretched outside, sniffing the wind and arching her neck to listen. No sounds save for a few birds, and only the smell of her four day old clothes filled her nose.

North.

She set of, gnawing at the cold meat as she ducked between trees. This was the fifth day, she should be nearing the mountain by now. The trees where to tall to see anything beyond them as she looked up, but she knew she'd kept quite a good phase and couldn't be too far off.

She spent hours walking, keeping a slow pace but not stopping to rest. She needed to keep her blood flowing to stay warm. She knew by the shadows from the trees it was mid day when she suddenly heard voices.

She ducked, cursing the winds, they were close and she hadn't picked up on it until now. She held her breath as she crawled in under the nearest pine tree. The branches were thick but looking up she knew it wouldn't be easy to climb, and the sound would probably tip them off. She decided to stay low, and keep as quiet as possible.

The voices grew closer, two males. Maybe they'd banded together, people from the same clan's tended to team up. She didn't recognize the voices, and drew one last breath as they came through a clearing, right next to her three.

Holding her breath she prayed the winds where on her side as two pairs of boots crunched through the snow. One of the male's wings were dragging through the snow, his steps slower. She heard the blood dripping from him, he was wounded.

Her fingers closed around the hilt of her blade as the boots stopped, sniffing in the wind.

"There's someone here" a male voice clipped, both stopping. Erin pushed her fear down, counting the spots Sander had drilled into her head.

Inner wing. Crotch. Abdomen. Neck. Heels.

She aimed for his heels as the branches creaked above her.

 **AN: There we have a glimpse of the inner circle! Still no Azriel though? Where the hell is he?**

 **So I'm totally into this story, been writing every free moment I have for days. Also the setting for writing this is really good in Sweden, it's snowy and stormy as hell. Hope you like it 3**


	3. All Alone

**Chapter 3: All Alone**

Erin buried her blade into his heel with a swift, precise stroke, and he stumbled back with a roar. She took that moment as he staggered back and dragged her blade back, her fingers never loosening on the hilt, she dodged past the crunching male nearest her and sent her entire weight into the other one.

He was tired and wounded, just as she'd anticipated and they both splattered to the snow, Erin twisted during the fall, and let gravity do most of the work as she pressed her knee into his groin.

He doubled over at the considerable punch towards his most sensitive area, she drew her blade, ready to pounce -

Strong hands gripped her from behind, pulling her off the groaning male and she landed face first into the dirty snow. A leather clad hand around her neck as he pressed his knee into her back, she let out a scream.

He paused.

Strong, rough hands twisted her around, Erin scrambled for her blade, but he'd wrenched it out of her hand already. She stared up at a harsh, young face.

A face she recognized.

Kallon, son of the Lord at their sister camp, Ironcrest. He and his father visited Ironvale regularly, meetings with her uncle, their warriors training together. The Iron clan's loyalty ran deep, a loyalty she doubted would save her now.

He stared back at her for a short second, then grabbed her chin with a harsh hand. She tried to wrench away but he was sitting across her stomach, his weight trapping her completely. As he turned her face she bared her teeth, but his hand simply traveled to her hair, pulling a strand of it between his fingers. She caught a glimpse of auburn, the color had worn off, and his lips tugged, his teeth blazing as he breathed deep.

Scenting her, it was no way to hide it now.

"What are you doing, just finish him off!" The other male grunted, finally getting up. Kallon stared down at her, his hand resting against her throat. Her arms where pinned to her sides, unable to move beneath his strong legs. Her wings ached from being bound and pressed to the ground under her.

"What's your name?" He demanded. Dark hair falling across his face, a handsome face Neira had once said. She pressed her lips together. The other man now glancing down at her, her eyes grew wide as she recognized him. He was from Ironvale.

"Erin?" he breathed, his eyes widening. Kallon grinned down at her.

"You know her?"

"She's from Ironvale, Commander Crowley's niece, an orphan."

"Interesting," Kallon mused, the air of Illyrian arrogance as his hand pressed against her throat "And what are you doing out here in the forest all alone, Erin?"

An arrow sang through the air, and Kallon grunted in pain, doubling over. Erin snapped for his hand, and bit down hard.

Her teeth drew blood but she kept clamping down as he screamed. The male from Ironvale swung around, two blades out and ready, but another arrow send him backwards as it went straight through his wing.

Kallon's weight across her middle eased as he lost his balance, and she swung around to get herself free, immediately crawling for her blade, keeping low.

"Shit!" Kallon swore as another arrow barely missed him, as his friend blindly swung around, and then lounged towards the corner of the clearing.

Steel against steel echoed through the forest, and Erin caught a glimpse of two males struggling in her peripheral vision as her hand closed around the blade. Then a hand closed around her heel, dragging her backwards.

Kallon forced his knee into her stomach just as she tried to swing the blade. She missed, and he caught her wrist in an iron grip, forcing it into the snow. He panted as he kept his eyes on her, calling out for his friend as the struggling behind them stopped.

"Eldon?" He repeated, his words now laced with anger.

Silence. Erin trashed, trying to somehow get him off balance, at least to keep his attention on her. Then she could let this new male kill him, and use that time to flee. Kallon grunted to keep her steady, his blood dripping onto her from the arrow in his back.

"I'm afraid Eldon had to leave," a familiar voice drawled, and Erin stopped struggling. Both she and Kallon turned towards the voice, and Erin's chest caved in.

Sander was twirling two blades in his hands, a coy smile as he looked at Kallon. "And what are you doing out here in the forest _all alone_ , Kallon?"

The moment Kallon's attention shifted, Erin moved. She flipped around, her feet sweeping at his legs and sending him sprawling to the ground.

But Kallon flipped backwards in the snow, and was on his feet again. Sander circled him, until he was standing in front of Erin. Kallon hissed at them, his teeth bared.

"This is not over" he said, and then hurtled for the trees.

"Erin!" Sander fell to his knees beside her, hands on her face, her hair, her stomach. "You're alive" he finally breathed. Erin only stared and stared at him, until she finally loosened her arms and threw them around his neck.

"You're late," she said breathlessly. His answering laugh tickled the skin on her neck as he hugged her waist tightly, a little of his warmth seeping into her.

"I'm sorry."

"You smell bad" she said as she withdrew, Sander looked about as bad as she felt, just as dirty and bloody. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, well okay. And you don't exactly smell like a flowery meadow yourself." He poked her ribs, and grimaced as she winced. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine" she said, standing up. His eyes remained on her, worry shining through clearly.

"You sure? You haven't run into anyone else?"

She glanced at him as his eyes roved over her, checking for injuries.

"I'm okay," she repeated, and he finally stood up.

"What now?" She asked, Sander was the tracker, and probably had a bette clue where they where than she did.

"Now, we climb."

…

Turn's out the mountain was still about a day's walk away. And she used that time to dwell on the consequences of Kallon knowing who she was. Each scenario was worse than the next, and she decided she might be better off staying in this forest.

"Pick it up will you," Sander ordered, walking ahead of her. As if he'd read her mind. She only hissed back at him.

They stopped at a bush Erin recognized, digging for the roots she knew were edible, and would tide them over for a while. Sander grimaced as they gnawed at the muddy roots while they walked. Both of them kept their eyes out for any kind of rabbit or squirrel, maybe even a rat. But the forest was quiet. But they both had their bow's ready.

It seemed that the closer they got to the mountain, the quieter the forest grew.

At nightfall, they reached the foot of the mountain.

 **AN: So here's a short chapter for ya guys, I'm trying to keep them longer but there's a lot of stuff happening now in the beginning and that's why they'll vary in length.**

 **Sander's back! WOHO. Also next chapter won't be from Erin's point of view, can you guess who it will be? ;)**


	4. Ramiel

**Chapter 4: Ramiel**

 _Cassian:_

The wind howled, and the moment they landed on the top of that sacred mountain, they almost flew off. Both of them dug their heels in, Cassian tucking his wings in tight and Rhysand letting his wings vanish completely.

"This is madness, you know you can't do anything even up here, there are rules… if we intervene, the consequences would be catastrophic. The clans could turn on us!" Rhys bellowed over the wind.

"I know, but what if she makes it? What if she makes it and they kill her for it Rhys? We need to protect her. Last we heard she was still alive out there, a female, without proper training. A place like Ironvale would never allow it!" Cassian growled back over the howling of the wind, and Rhysand nodded solemnly,.

"She will be protected Cass if- if she makes it," Rhys stared down that mountain, the mountain that Cassian had almost hauled him up 500 years ago. None of them looked at the monolith stone behind them, but stared down the slope, barely seeing anything through the snow.

Cassian wasn't sure how long they waited, but Rhysand never complained, and he never let his eyes off that snowy mountainside. Even through his thick Illyrian leathers the cold was seeping in, chilling him to the bone. Doubt was visible on Rhysand's face, doubt that anyone untrained, a female, would survive this forest, this mountain and this storm.

The same doubt was creeping through Cassian too, but he didn't let himself waver, and grit his teeth together. Another girl not receiving training, another girl defenseless because he couldn't get those damned Lords and commanders to listen to him.

Rage was flaring through him as Rhysand suddenly tensed beside him.

"Did you hear that?"

Cassian froze too, concentrating. The winds had turned, and with it, voices traveling from the hillside. Screaming, shouting.

"Someone's coming" Rhys bit out, the voices where unmistakably male.

Everything went quiet again, the winds changing and taking all sounds with them. Cassian leveled his stance, feeling Rhysand's eyes on him, calculating him.

Then an arrow singed through the snowy nothing beneath them, burrowing into the frosty hillside. A roar echoed through the wind a moment later, a male roar, close.

Another arrow cut through the storm, landing a few feet away from the first one. Cassian and Rhysand both looked down that hillside, trying to catch any glimpse of what was going on beneath.

Then something broke through the snowy clouds. Something big and heavy, a blade shimmering in the air before it was buried in the snow. It was hard to make out anything through the white wind, but it seemed like Ramiel knew what was happening, the ancient mountain rooting for the shadowy lump dragging its way upward.

The winds cleared slightly, and Cassian caught a glimpse of light, coppery hair flashing through the wind. Seconds after, a haughty, pale… but unmistakably female face stared up that hill. Both he and Rhysand seemed to freeze.

"She's alive," Rhys breathed.

The girl looked away as quickly as she'd looked up, and Cassian noticed what the lump was for the first time.

She was dragging someone with her, a male with bloody legs leaving a trail behind them. A rope tying them together at the middle. His wings, still bound, had been positioned across her back, covering her wings. An arrow was buried through his wings, an arrow that had probably been meant for her. He was still holding onto something that looked like a makeshift bow as the girl kept her slow pace dragging them upwards.

"She's… she's pulling him up the mountain," Cassian breathed, and Rhys didn't even glance at him, only kept his eyes on the male and female below. Suddenly, another form cut through the white nothing below them, a blade immediately flowing through the air, straight at the bonded Illyrians. The male reacted quickly, his arrow finding it's target and the other male plummeted back, disappearing into the void.

"Get that blade!" A hoarse, female voice carried with the wind. The male obeyed, and reached for the blade as she pulled them further up.

"Give it to me!" She screamed as he had the blade in his hands, staring at it. They stopped, Cassian cursed.

"Why are they stopping?" he growled, to no one, to the mountain, he didn't know.

"Give me the blade Sander!" The voice cut through again, hoarse with panic. He seemed to answer something they couldn't hear. And the female swore.

"No! _Give me the blade_ "

The male didn't have time to answer as another arrow came, fast. He barely had time to shift before it found its mark.

His roar soared through the storm as it burrowed through his wings, still draped over the female.

"SANDER!" Her scream, full of fear, carried clearly. Cassian was drawing blood, his fingernails cutting into the skin on his hands. Rhys caught his arm, a warning to not intervene.

Another figure cut through the storm, black leathers sharp against the icy mountainside. He was climbing fast, he wasn't even headed for the mountaintop, he was just heading for her, for the female. Cassian and Rhys both recognized him. Kallon, the lord's son from Azriel's list of possible rebels. Kallon was indeed a brute, just like his father and his size was alarming as he closed in on the female, stuck higher up on the cliff. She was fighting to just keep her and her friend blowing off the cliff, or sliding down towards Kallon.

"You will regret this you bitch" Kallon's howl reached Cassian and Rhysand, and Cassian's whole body tensed, ready to pounce.

"Sander stop!" The female was struggling with the male dangling by the rope. Cassian realized he'd been trying to cut himself free, the blade gleaming in his hand.

The females hand moved fast and precise as she wrung the blade from his hands, and a growl ripped from her lips.

"Shut the fuck up and don't fall off this cliff."

"Taking orders from females now are we Sander?" Kallon grunted, fighting against the wind, his vicious eyes flashed, following the blood that trailed the wounded male and the female.

The male was quiet, and his wings, previously sprawled across the fame flopped to the side… limp.

"SANDER!" Her scream cut through Cassian's entire being, and only Rhysand's strong grip kept him from flying off that cliff. At that moment he hated his friend.

Kallon's predatory grin grew as he crept closer.

The female kept pulling at her friend, dead or just passed out, Cassian didn't know, but they where stuck, and Kallon was gaining on them and fast.

She was scrambling now, the bow had fallen out of the male's hand, starting to slide through the snow. She flung herself across the snow, but her fingers merely graced it as a hard wind sent it scattering down the hill.

Straight into Kallon's path.

He picked it up, digging his feet as far into the icy ground as he could before aiming.

"Don't worry, I won't kill you. Not like this" His voice barely carried through the wind, and if it wasn't for their expert fae hearing it would have been lost in the storm. "I'll take my time with-"

His words where cut off, coming out gurgled as he swayed backwards. A blade visibly gleaming right through his shoulder, right below the neck, drawing blood, and lots of it.

"Don't worry, I won't kill you. Not like this" The females voice was as cold as the icy mountain itself as she lowered her hand.

Then she started climbing again, only one blade left to pull herself upwards with. Kallon hadn't fallen into the stormy void, but he sagged against the mountainside, clasping at his wound, blood sprayed the mountain as he pulled the dagger out.

The female didn't look back as started using her free hand to dig into the snow. Cassian coudn't breathe.

And she kept climbing, pulling that lifeless male behind her, and he heard as she hissed from pain every time she buried her fingers into the stone cold snow, but kept coming closer.

He and Rhysand backed away from the cliff, neither of them breathing as the final thud of the blade through the ground seemed to shake through Ramiel itself.

And then a bloodied hand closed around the cliff's edge.

Her hair had ripped free in the wind, beating furiously at her face as she hauled herself over the edge of Ramiel. She looked so young, so female and so…haunted.

She didn't notice them as her bloodied fingers dug through the ground to get a grip, and then threw the rest of her body across the edge. The rope around her middle strained, and seemed to almost bring her back down, but she kept one hand, the one with the blade, in the ground. The other closed around the rope as she tried to use her own body weight to haul up the male, still limp as he bobbed against the cliff. His bloody wings splattered against the snow as he came across the edge.

"Sander" her voice was barely a whisper, strained from screaming as she grabbed at him, turning him around. "SANDER!"

"Rhys!" Cassian growled as he hurtled for them by the edge, as the female spun around in fear, grasping for her blade.

He stopped instantly, mud and blood seemed to cover every inch of her face and dulled her hair, but those blue eyes where wide with fear. Then they slid over to Rhysand, stepping up beside Cassian slowly. Faint recognition glazed her eyes, but her knuckles turned white as she still drew that blade.

"Don't be afraid, you made it, you're at the top. I am Rhysand, High Lord, and I will make sure you get home safe. Both of you."

The female's eyes flipped between the two of them, blinking slowly before the grip on the hilt of the blade loosened and her eyes rolled back. Before Cassian could reach her she'd fallen back on the male, unconscious.

"Get them out of here, _now!_ " Cassian growled, his words an order, an order towards his High Lord. Rhysand only grabbed the female's arm, and then the male, and waited until Cassian grabbed his shoulder before winnowing away.

…

They materialized in the middle of the square at the Ironvale Camp. Rhysand carrying the male and Cassian carrying the female, she reeked of blood and dirt, so many different scents he knew that if came from numerous people. She was thin, and incredibly light in his arms, it was hard to believe she'd pulled her and the male up the most dangerous mountain in Illyria just moments ago.

Blood dropped from her hands, as a high pitched scream cut through the sudden silence. People had backed away as they appeared, if it was because of the unconscious Illyrians or the presence of him and their High Lord, Cassian didn't know. And didn't dwell on it.

"They need a healer, _now!"_ He growled to the nearest male, who snarled, his eyes glued to the unconscious female in Cassian's arm.

"Go get a healer, now." Rhysand repeated, and whit one look at the high Lord, the male set off running.

"NO!" A young female was hurtling through the mud, her eyes on the girl in his arm, Cassian aimed for her.

"She needs a healer, quickly" he grunted out as the female stopped by him, barely giving him a second look.

"They both do, where can we take them?" Rhysand added beside him, the female's eyes traveling to the male, her arms slackening at her side.

"Is he- is, are they-" she couldn't get the words out, staring at the male, his bloodied wings.

"They're alive" Rhysand said, as he laid his eyes on a camp mother that had appeared.

"Show us to the infirmary"

She obeyed immediately as the young female followed them as the crowd parted for him and Rhysand. As Cassian laid the girl down in the infirmary, the female immediately grabbed her bloodied hand, tears staining her eyes. She held her hand as she watched Rhysand lower the male onto the other bed, but the tears never started falling as she kept staring at the two young Illyrans.

Cassian and Rhysand stepped back as the healer finally came, took in the damage, and immediately started shouting orders. The young female was immediately on her feet and fetching water, while he and Rhysand where ushered out.

The sun outside was bright, hurting his eyes as he blinked against the sun. The crowd outside had grown bigger, and right in front of them stood the Lord of the Ironvale camp, Calum, an his son Gilron.

Cassian remembered Gilron, he'd been at the Windhaven camp at the same time as he, Rhysand and Azriel. And he was a useless piece of shit. A useless piece of shit with three siphons gleaming in the sunlight, his wings flared as he glared at Cassian, the bastard, and the High Lord.

"It's against the law to interfere with the Rite" Lord Calum growled, his eyes darker than Azriel's shadows, even in the sun.

"We didn't interfere, they reached the top" Rhysand grinned "I simply winnowed them here, to keep an eye on things," his words a warning. Several of the warriors rustled, their wings flaring.

"That is not possible" Gilron growled "An untrained female surviving the rite-"

"Untrained?" Cassian's eyes immediately whipped to Gilron, pinning him to the spot. Lord Calum threw a glare at his son.

"A female could never have survived the rite, much less made it to the top of that mountain," he said.

"I saw it with my own eyes" Rhysand countered, his wings now visible as he was the very image of Illyrian arrogance. "Or are you saying I'm lying?" He added with the shadow of smile.

Lord Calum's lips went into a thin line, he wasn't stupid enough to outright question the High Lord. Cassian glared him down to, his attention flickering back towards the healing house behind him, something easing in his chest as he heard that the girl was breathing. Shallow, short breaths but… breathing. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and went back to lean against the wall of the house.

Rhysand gave him a look that said he understood, as he left Cassian to go deal with the Lord and the commanders. The crowd slowly shattered as Rhysand ordered them away, but Gilron lingered, his eyes on Cassian. Cassian bared his teeth, letting out a low, threatening growl. Gilron's eyes traveled to the seven siphons adorning his armor, and then turned towards the door.

Cassian shifted, ready to cover the door if he had too. Gilron caught the shift and grinned, his eyes lingering on the house.

"Erin's alive" he said silently, almost in surprise before he turned on his heel, and followed his father and the High Lord.

Cassian stood frozen, completely focused on those female breaths on the other side of the door. The first female in Illyrian to finish the Blood Rite, her name was Erin.


	5. Fight

**Chapter 5**

 **Fight**

 _Erin was back in that dark cell._

 _The shadows kissed her skin, and she blinked against the total darkness._

 _Wings rustled, and it wasn't hers._

 _She was not alone._

 _"_ _Hello?" She called out, even as she recoiled, her wings scraping against the stone wall behind her. Another rustle, someone gasped for breath._

 _"_ _Who are you?" She demanded, trying to keep her voice steady. The shadows stroking against her skin retreated._

 _No answer, only deep breaths, as if_ it _was trying to calm itself. She wanted the shadows back, wanted to feel something other than this complete darkness. She tugged at those chains, but they didn't budge. They never did._

 _"_ _Get out," a voice hissed from the corner._

 _"_ _I can't," she admitted, tugging at those chains as if to prove her point._

 _"_ _You don't belong here," the voice barked, urgent this time, wings flapping helplessly._

 _"_ _I can't!" She repeated, louder, panic creeping into her voice._

 _"_ _Please," it_ begged. _"Please leave"_

 _Erin sagged against that wall, the cold caressing her wings. She wanted to leave, did not want to be locked up here, couldn't breathe- and the voice kept begging, begging her to leave._

 _Then suddenly._

 _"_ _Fight"_

She woke up.

The first thing she noted as she came to, was that she was _warm._

Heavy blankets covered her, and the air around her didn't bite her face or turn to ice in her throat. She blinked against the sun, and realized she was back in her room. _Her_ bed.

"You're awake!" A familiar, warm and beautiful voice. "Don't sit up." An even more familiar order.

"Neira," Erin breathed, her voice barely above a whisper as she turned her head to the side, even that slight motion aching through her body. Neira's watery eyes glowed back at her from beside her bed, grasping for her hand.

"You're alive" Neira said, maybe to herself, maybe to Erin, but both of them blinked, eyes teary.

"S- Sander?"

"He's alive," Neira looked away, out the window. Erin stomach turned, so he was alive but it was not good. "His wings, they're badly hurt, the healer ordered him not to use them for at least two months. He's furious. Furious but alive. You both are"

"Why do you have to sound so surprised?" Erin coughed out, pulling herself up on her elbows and resting her head against the headboard. Neira only gave her a pointed look.

"The High Lord and the… general, they brought you here."

"What?" Erin groaned as she shot up straight.

"You don't remember? I think they came to get you on that mountain, that's what they said. The High Lord has promised to personally execute anyone who tries to punish you for… entering the blood rite."

"I… how bad is it?" Erin looked up at Neira, her face set in stone, her cheeks hollow as she looked out that window. She looked like se hadn't slept in days.

"It's bad Erin. It's really really bad." She took a deep breath "If the High Lord hadn't been the one to bring you back I don't know… I don't know what would have happened."

"I didn't do anything wrong," Erin growled, but it came out weak, pleading. Neira's eyes flickered, but she finally turned away from the window and came around to sit on the bed with Erin, wrapping her arms around Erin's shoulders. She leaned her head against Neira's shoulder, breathing in her familiar scent.

"I didn't do anything wrong" she repeated, eyes heavy.

"I know, but you did something, something no female has done before. Something they told us we couldn't do, something they told us we couldn't possible survive. And you did, and you made it to the top of that mountain, something not even the strongest warriors can manage. And I think you scared them Erin, I think they're scared as hell of you."

Erin wasn't sure if Neira's words, dripping with molten anger, was a dream or reality as she drifted back into heavy sleep, Neira's warmth chasing away the cold.

…

When she came to again it was dark outside, and a glass of water waited for her by the bedside table. She drowned it one take, realizing that she was famished. Short, quick, steps sounded the stairs and a second later Neira sneaked through the door, a bowl in her hand. She closed the door tightly behind her, listening for a second.

"Uncle?" Erin said, a one word question. Neira made grimace of sorts that ended with a shrug as she handed the bowl to Erin. It was stew, Neira had made it judging from the mouth watering aroma, and Erin tore into it in seconds.

"He's… he's mad, of course. But I'm not sure it's necessarily just at you. He's mad that the entire camp is on him, telling him to throw you out of the house, have your wings clipped, anything." Erin's head snapped up, fear shooting through her body. "But he keeps saying that he's just following the High Lord´s orders. Otherwise he'd do anything they're saying and worse. But… I know he's lying." Neira looked at her "I know he'd never do that to you."

Erin wondered if that was true, if her uncle's sense of right and wrong went that far. He wasn't bad, not as bad as most of them. And he loved Neira and his wife, and he _had_ come for her all those years ago when her mother died.

"Let's hope so" she murmured into her food. Neira sat down on her own bed, eyes gleaming in the faint light from the corner of the room.

"He says you're not to go outside. They can't see you. I overheard him tell mother that he'd told Lord Calum and Gilron that he locked you in the basement, no food or water."

"So I'm stuck in here?"

"For the time being… yes. I think it's the safest too, until this all… settles down."

"I don't know what's worse, being stuck in here where it's warm and with good food, or out there freezing cold and running for your life but… free," she almost choked on the word. They way Neira's eyes glowed she knew that word struck something deep inside her too.

"What happened out there?" Neira whispered across the dark room, her words hanging in the air. Erin took a deep breath, didn't know if she wanted to think about it, to remember. But when she glanced at her cousin she just felt like she needed someone to know. Needed _someone_ to know her story.

Erin begun telling Neira about those initial days, starving and cold, losing her bow and wading through the stream. She even told her about the squirrel, how she hadn't been able to look at it as she killed it. She told her about the Illyrian that had been killed right below her, the words that had been whispered _"Rebel scum"._ Neira's eyes narrowed at that too.

Erin skipped her weird dreams about a dark cell and comforting shadows. And by the time she came around to Kallon finding her, Neira had crept up on the bed beside her, hugging her arms around her knees and wings tucked in tight.

Neira's eyes lit up as Erin told her about Sander saving her, a faint smile curling her lips at the thought of the young male. Then they reach the mountain, and Erin feels her chest getting heavier with each word.

They'd started climbing, quickly at first, eagerly. The winds had grown strong, a storm brewing around them. They'd finally realized they'd need rest, it could take them over a day to reach the top, and they where exhausted.

They'd decided to stop and rest and sleep for a while when they found a small cave in the mountainside, just big enough for both of them to curl inside, using their own wings to shield them from the cold.

Sander had been on watch when they where attacked, the snow so thick they could barely see five feet ahead. A gang from the Muskfalls Camp, a rivaling camp. There had been four of them, large, hungry Illyrians with leather's splattered in blood. They hadn't been novices, not by the way the fought.

Sander had been caught, first an arrow through the leg, then a blade as he tried to get away. Erin could still hear his scream as that blade had tore straight down his leg. Somehow Sander had kicked the male away, and placed the same arrow that had burrowed into his thigh into the male's eye.

Erin had managed to bring two down with their own daggers, thrown up the hill after her as she'd zigzagged through the snow. The fourth had hung back, after seeing his friends fall, Erin had looked him straight in the eye before he vanished into the white nothing.

Erin had used the rope from around the arrow they'd shot after Sander. The rope was thick, and she'd resolutely bound them together on that snowy mountainside. Sander had ripped a piece of his shirt, and bit down the pain as he pulled it tight around his dripping wounds.

And then they'd kept climbing.

Erin could barely remember anything after Kallon, those last pushes up that steep cliff, barely remember the shadows looking down at her from atop that mountain. She'd thought she'd dreamed it.

Erin stared into the dark nothing in their room, the candle long since burned down. The house was quiet, the camp was quiet. Then Neira drew a ragged breath, and laid down on the bed next to Erin.

She didn't sleep that night, just stared up at the ceiling, and thought of shadows flickering in the edge of her consciousness.

…

Erin spent three days in that room, she was allowed down, but every time she went into the rest of the house her aunt looked at her with large, clear eyes. Afraid, she was afraid of Erin.

She mostly kept to her room, Neira keeping her company every moment she could. She sent a few messages with Neira to Sanders, and ha was… recovering, slowly.

It was the middle of the night when she suddenly shot up, a feeling of dread creeping into her very core as she shot up from the bed.

"Erin? What is it?" Neira blinked drowsily from the other bed, just as a loud banging shook through the entire house. Neira was up in a second too, just as the door creaked open, and her uncle, wide eyed, stared at them.

"Don't make a sound," he hissed silently before closing the door after him, and locking it from the outside. Erin's heart beat so loudly she was sure everyone in the entire camp could hear it. As his footsteps crept down the stairs, another bang on the door, she could hear the hinges rattling.

Neira grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly.

They dove down next to the door, ears pressed against the cold wood just as her uncle opened the door, it creaked as if in protest.

"What is this about? Why are you waking me and my family in the middle of the night?" Her uncle growled, and Erin could imagine him blocking the door, wings spread wide.

"Now Crowley, don't use that tone against your Lord," Calum's drawling voice answered.

"I don't see why this could not have waited until morning."

"Because we felt like it Crowley, and because we can. We need to speak to that little niece of yours. Bring her out."

"No, she's locked in, she's not to come out. I'm starving her in there, until she learns her lesson." Her uncle growled, and Neira's hand went even tighter around her hand.

A loud thud followed by creaking wood, several heavy steps sounding through the house. A groan escaped from her uncle, and now it was Erin's time to grip Neira, shooting up, hovering by the door.

"I know you're hiding her from us Crowley, bring her out."

"What's the point? The High Lord has sworn he is protecting her, there is no other way to punish her. If we lay a hand on her the High Lord will know," her uncle bit out.

"We do not acknowledge that half breed as our High Lord anymore, Crowley," Gilron's cold voice, dripping with ice. A few hollow laughs followed his words. Erin sat frozen to the floor, she barely dared to breath, afraid they'd hear it. Afraid they'd come for her. If High Lord's protection meant nothing to them…

"I am not a man without mercy, Crowley, and you have been proven useful through the years. So I have a deal for you. You bring us the female at dawn, she marries Gilron and she submits to him as his wife. She will plead temporary insanity, a young female without the guidance of a strong male can be driven into horrible things. She will bare Gilron children, and she will have purpose-"

Erin's blood roared in her veins, in her ears, shadows curled at the edge of her mind.

"Or," Calum continued, she could almost hear the feral grin in his voice "If you don't willingly bring her to us. If she won't submit. We'll clip her wings, she will still marry Gilron, she will bear him heirs, and then she will die, as so many females do during child birth. Such a tragic accident, but none we can do anything about."

Erin stared at Neira, the scent of fear and horror bleeding through the room, from both of them.

"Sundown Crowley" Gilron growled, "Make the right choice."

The door slammed shut behind them.

Nobody in the house moved, not her, not Neira, not her uncle. They all waited, listening for those footsteps to die away. Erin's heart hammered against her ribcage, nails digging into the skin of her hand. Footsteps echoed through the house, and Erin backed away as the lock clicked, Neira shifted, between Erin and the doorway. Shielding her.

Erin wondered if her uncle saw that too as the door flew open, and he stared at them both with wild eyes. Erin couldn't get a word out. But Neira simply said,

" _Please_ , father."

Erin met her uncle's eyes, and didn't falter, finally he glanced at Neira, then back at Erin.

"You decide. Stay here and marry Gilron, or run. Run far away and _never_ look back."

Neira turned around slowly, both of them now staring at Erin, then Neira's lips went into a thin line, her face set in stone.

"I'll help you pack."

 **…**

Erin was back in the damned forest. This time she had warm clothes, not leathers but a thick, fur lined jacket, one of Neira's. She was wearing her work pants with extra leggings underneath. The bag she carried was heavy, filled with some food, some clothes and some money. The only bad thing about having wings was probably the fact that you couldn't carry bags on your back.

She'd flown for hours, all through the night and into the dawn. When the sun was high in the sky she'd finally touched down, her wings so heavy she might have fallen out of the sky. When the sun rose she'd kept low, keeping to the trees as much as she could, trying to stay away from the open air where she would be an easy target.

Now she dragged her wings in the snow as she looked for a good place to rest for a few hours. She groaned to herself as she ducked in under the biggest fir tree she could find. She was really getting tired of this.

But she'd rather spend the rest of her life sleeping under trees and eating squirrel, than subject herself to a life with Gilron, as his wife, his possession. She wondered if he'd come looking for her, if he'd go through the trouble of hunting her down.

She knew he would. She'd turned him down to many times, made a mockery of the Illyrian traditions as she went into that forest and climbed that mountain. She'd shown them a female could do it, and now they had to make sure no one ever did the same thing again. Gilron would never give up, not until she was the submissive, scared female he wanted, catering to his every whim.

She'd rather die.

She snuggled up under that tree, ate some of the food Neira had packed. A few pieces of dried meat and bread. She wondered if she'd ever eat Neira's food again, hot of the stove. Dread pooled in her stomach. They'd barely said goodbye. And she hadn't even seen Sander since the mountain.

As she leaned back against the tree, she thought of her mothers face, _her_ face. The same coloring and copper hair, she'd had such kind eyes. Even after everything they'd done to her she'd still been so kind and loving.

Erin hadn't let herself think about her mother for months, barely had in years. When she'd come to Ironvale, her fingers still bandaged and in bloody bandages, she'd decided not to look back. Not fulfill her mother's final wish.

 _"_ _Find your brother."_ She'd rasped, only minutes before her heart had given out. Erin had laid her head on her mothers chest and listened for that beat of her heart that never came back. She'd been alone in that cabin, no one to hold her, to help her. She'd been fourteen at the time.

She'd carried her mother's body, up to the highest peak she knew. Her wings had nearly given out, but she'd kept flapping and made it to that mountain top. She'd dug that grave with her bare hands. Her fingers had clawed at that frozen snow until she'd made a hole large enough to lower her mother into it.

She'd broken four fingers, and they'd remained that way until her uncle showed up at the house a week later to bring her to Ironvale.

 _Fight._ The voice echoed through her head.

Just as wings flapped in the distance.

…

There where several of them, and she didn't know which way to run. She grabbed a blade and tucked it into the leather hilt around her wrist, and then hoisted the Illyrian bow across her shoulder. It was a real Illyrian bow, made for a male, and it usually took males years to master them. She'd thought herself in a few months. The weight of the bow heavy against her side, she started climbing.

She stopped about halfway up the tree, hearing wings both in the sky and feet on the ground. She counted four of them.

Shit.

She checked that she still had the blade in her boot, and then counted her arrows. Only five. She could only miss once.

The steps beneath her tree stopped, sniffing in the wind.

Her arrow went through his neck before he could call for the rest. A gurgled sound escaped his lips.

The wings above her circled, lower and lower.

 _Help._

She closed her eyes for just one moment, and took a deep breath. _Fight_. She had to fight.

Someone smashed into the tree so hard it started creaking at the bottom. Erin let out a scream as she looked up through the branches, Gilron clinging to the top of the tree, eyes gleaming.

She felt like the squirrel.

The tree groaned, and bucked, she jumped from the branches just as it started falling towards the ground. She dove down off the branches, then banked and swayed for a tree, dropping her bow.

She swore, but didn't dare look bak. If she kept low she had a better chance, he was a lot bigger than her and wouldn't make it through the forest as easily.

She ducked under a thick branch, just as she heard something colliding with a tree behind her. And then someone breaking _through_ them. She made the mistake of casting a glance across her shoulder, and Gilron was literally busting _through_ the thick branches in a straight line to follow her.

Fear grabbed her, and she sped up. Twigs and branches whipped at her face, her arms and her wings as she snaked through he forest. She could still hear two male's keeping up with her.

 _Help me._

But she knew no one would come as she banked for a tree, her wings ripping at the branches, splattering blood across the tree bark. The pain as it tore though the membrane was too much and she screamed, her wing flapped weakly beside her and she lost speed quickly, too quickly.

Gilron was like a force of nature as he flew over her, his wings blocking the sun as he dived.

They tumbled to the ground in a tangle. Erin's scream echoed through the forest as she smacked to the ground, the snow doing little to ease the fall as he landed atop her. She heard her wing crack beneath his weight before she felt it.

She screamed again, Gilron's unforgiving face smiling down at her as he placed his knee against that broken wing, and pressed down.

Pain shot through her entire body as she trashed, anything to get her wing free, to get out from under him. Dimly she heard two males laughing behind them.

"What are you going to do with her?" One of them asked, and she met Gilron's black eyes as he stared down at her, his breath heavy.

"I'm going to break her."

She went straight for his face, her fingers clawing, trying to find any place where they would make the most damage. Her finger dug into his eye and he growled, harsh hands shoving her back down again.

"I'm going to break you slowly" he said in a soft voice that chilled her to her very bone. "Give me your blade" he held his hand out to one of the men, who grinned as he gave the blade to Gilron.

Erin cried out as he drove the blade through her wing, pinned it to the ground.

 _Help me._

"When I am done with you, you'll never use these wings again." He smiled down at her, and reached out his hand again. Erin tugged at her arm, trying to get to the blade shoved into her sleeve, but he pinned it down, and took her blade in his hand, turning it over slowly.

"How nice of you, just what I needed."

Then he drove her blade into her other wing.

 _I don't want to die like this._

She could no longer move, the pain freezing her body as he pinned her arms under his legs, his eyes roved across her, and there was not anything civilized about them, only malice, only predatory focus.

"Leave." He said, not taking his eyes off her.

"You sure?" The men hesitated.

" _Leave_."

They rose to the air. Gilron smiled slowly down at her, his hand caressed the side of her face, and blood stained his fingers.

"I've thought a lot about this you know," his hands stroked her neck, undid the buttons on her jacket "I wanted you to like it, I would have been soft with you, made it nice for you." His hand closed around her throat as he leaned forward.

"You have only yourself to blame. If you'd only known your place, none of this would have happened."

His mouth scraped her cheek, and he lowered his hand, dipping it under her shirt.

"Screw. You." She grunted out, and bit his face.

Her teeth drew blood before he slammed her head back into the ground, and then his teeth closer around her throat as he bit down. His wings flared, blocking out the sun, and she drowned in the darkness.

This time she screamed out loud.

 _Help me._

…

Shadows curled through the snow, familiar shadows kissing her skin. Was this the end? Was the shadows claiming her, dragging her back to that dark cell? To die?

Then the sun blazed down at her.

Gilron roared and it she felt it rumble through the ground. Shadows danced through the clearing, as dark wings flared.

Something. _Someone_ , tackled Gilron to the ground with a growl that rattled her down to the bone.

Dazed, she realized that something was an Illyrian male, clad completely in black, shadows dancing around him as he and Gilron fought. The male kept his back towards her as he strode for Gilron who was actually _backing away_.

 _"_ _You"_ Gilron growled, panting. "I should have finished you off five hundred years ago. You and that bastard."

The male only growled, and then lounged.

He tore through Gilron as if he was nothing, not a nice hundred year old warrior. The shadows followed him as he forced Gilron to the ground, and drove a blade through his wing.

Gilron screamed.

Then he buried a blade in the other wing, and twisted it around.

Erin started pulling, she had to get out of there _now_. A whimper escaped her as she tried to reach for one of the daggers, her fingers barely grazing the hilt.

She saw him shift in the corner of her eye, shadows pulsating through the air.

Something seemed to crack inside her as she stared back at him. The shadows retreated as he stood up slowly, as if unsteadily. Gilron trashed behind him but was stuck to the ground.

 _Fight._

The word shifted through her mind as she stared at the stranger, into the pale faze and Hazel eyes, open wide. He seemed frozen to the ground.

Her fingers closed around the hilt with one swift moment, and she pulled the dagger out, just as two males materialized in the clearing.

Blood sprayed the snow as the dagger clattered to the snow and she bit down a scream. Her vision blurred as one of the men lounged for her.

She tried to scramble backwards, but her other wing was still stuck to the ground, and the ripping sent a wave of agony through her body that rattled her teeth. He stopped.

"Cassian no!" The other male, behind him ordered, and Erin recognized the High Lord.

A blurry vision of him and the other male now kneeling in front of her swam through her mind.

"You.. you were on that mountain."

"Yes. I am Cassian and this is Rhysand, we're not going to hurt you." She stared at his face, and she saw nothing evil in him. Her eyes shifted to she shadows behind him, as the High Lord had also done.

"Azriel?" The closest one, Cassian, bit out in surprise. He backed away.

"Cassian, get that blade out of her wing. You and Azriel take her to Velars to get her healed. And I'll deal with Gilron."

The males stared at Gilron, hatred glimmering in their eyes as Gilron trashed.

"You're not my high lord, you'll be high lord to no one soon" Gilron spat on the ground in front of the High Lord who'd prowled over to him.

"Let's see about that," The High Lord smiled down at him.

Gilron's head turned to the side, glaring straight at her. _This is not over._

Some part of her unfroze at that, and she hissed right back at him, and lounged for the other dagger. Ignoring the pain and the spraying blood as she pulled it out, she threw that dagger, it singed right past Cassian, and buried itself in Gilron's arm.

He swore as he trashed, and it only ripped at his wings and had him roaring again.

The High Lord, the Warrior and the Shadowsinger stared at her. She was still sprawled on the ground, blood dripping from her broken and ripped wings, she knew she would not be able to lift them. She tried to get to her knees, and Cassian reached out a hand, moving closer.

"Here let me help-" he froze mid sentence. Staring at her wide eyed.

Suddenly the High Lord and the Shadowsinger shifted too, all of them sniffing in the wind. Erin's vision blurred, the blood loss… she was going to….

Strong arms caught her before she hit the ground, and she was barely aware as she was swept up in a warm embrace.

"Be careful with the wings" someone mumbled, and she thought she recognized the voice.

Then everything went black.

 **AN: Azriel! Finally! So here's a long action packed chapter for you guys. Will try to keep the chapters around this length from now on too. Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, followed and put me on your alert lists, really warms my heart. Do you like the story so far? I'm feeling pretty into it but would love to hear from all of you if it's worth continuing.**


	6. Velaris

**Chapter 6: Velaris**

 _Mor_

Mor pressed a slender finger against her left temple as she followed the chaotic discussion unfolding at the House of Wind. Everyone seemed to be talking at the same time, everyone that was, except Azriel.

And it was him she studied as the voices droned on around her. Once she'd gotten over the roaring in her own head and Cassian's wild eyes, she'd noticed him. Azriel kept furiously focusing on a spot at the table in front of him, still as death and barely acknowledging the rest of them. And still she couldn't stop thinking of the way he'd looked at that girl. He hadn't been able to keep his eyes off her, had barely reacted as she'd grabbed his arm, trying to get a hold of the situation.

But those thoughts had quickly washed away as Cassian gently set down the slender female on the bed in his and Azriel's room, as Rhysand called for the healer. She'd been dripping blood from the foyer all the way up to the bed, her wings ripped, stabbed and mauled. And her face, hollow, lifeless.

Mor had to swallow down her own memories as they threatened to well up, wrapping an arm wound her womb as Cassian kneeled beside the girl, pushing her hair out of her face.

Then the healer appeared, and they'd all been ushered out. Cassian had refused at first but Madja, the old healer who had healed all of them at one point or another, had given him a look that said _Don't you stand in my way, boy._ He'd finally sunken to the floor outside the room as the rest of them went downstairs.

"What happened to her?" Feyre had been the first to ask, Mor hadn't been able to do it herself. Those ruined wings…

They'd gotten a quick explanation on the spot, and decided to have a real meeting later. This female, this Erin, she'd really stirred up the Illyrians, and Rhysand knew they had to deal with it sooner than later.

And then there was the matter of that _other_ fact. The little fact they'd been toeing around this entire meeting. Cassian had turned up when the healer had finally given him the clear that the female would be okay. Mor could have sworn Azriel had let out a breath when he heard the news.

Cassian quickly launched a quick explanation of how he'd gone back to Ironvale the first chance he had, quickly realizing something was wrong. He'd gone to Erin's family's home, and her cousin had told him everything in hysteria, and begged him to find her before Gilron and his men did.

Cassian's eyes had gleamed dangerously dark as he explained, glaring at Rhysand. Mor knew he was furious at Rhysand for making him leave in the first place, and that that discussion would come later, just between the two of them.

The whole balance was off in the room, Cassian seemed furious with both Rhysand and Azriel, the latter still had not explained how he'd ended up in that forest, when Cassian had only called for Rhysand.

Mor sat impeccably still, ready to jump in at any given moment, to intervene if things got too heated between the males. Which, judging by the way Rhysand turned in his chair, could be any moment now.

And it seemed that Rhysand was about to bring up that other fact, something that had made her pause when Cassian had leaned down beside that girl, something she'd scented. Just as the rest of them had.

"So," Rhysand said, the others quieting, knowing where he was going "She seems to be related to you."

They all stared at Cassian.

And Cassian stared at Azriel.

"How where you there before me? How did you _know_?" Cassian's eyes narrowed as he leaned forward, the Shadowsinger finally looked up, meeting his stare.

"Is that really the most important question right now Cass?" Rhysand interrupted, his eyes darting towards Azriel with a warning gaze.

"How did you find her?" Cassian repeated in a low voice, a voice he barely ever used around the Inner Circle. Mor glanced at Feyre, her lips in a thin line, watching the two males. Azriel didn't falter, and met Cassian's glare calmly.

"I'm the spymaster, I know everything."

"That's impossible!" Cassian almost shouted, glaring at Rhysand, as if it was his fault. Rhysand seemed to shrug back, just slightly.

"I think we should circle back to the fact that she's obviously closely related to you. It's no denying it we all scented it."

Cassian's rage simmered, and he glanced down at his hands. "I don't know how, she's only nineteen and my mother died five centuries ago."

"On your fathers side then?" Feyre asked calmly, Cassian's eyes darkened, but he shook his head.

"No I… she looks like _her_ ," he paused "Like my mother. She has the northern coloring and the same hair. And Erin was my grandmothers name."

"We'll just have to ask her, when she wakes up." Rhys concluded, then glanced at Cassian. "If you want her to stay?"

Both Cassian and Azriel's heads snapped up at that, but it was Cassian who hissed back.

"She's not going back to the Illyrian mountains."

And that was that.

"So where does she stay? In the town house?" Feyre asked, the town house was still crowded. The preparations of the new house were in full bloom, but far from done.

"She'll stay with me," Mor finally said. And everyone turned to her, questioning glances. "Do you really think she wants to stay in a crowded house with her High Lord and High Lady? With three Illyrian males coming and going as they please? I promise you she won't be comfortable with that after what she's been through."

Cassian's fingers wrapped inwards into a tight fist. "What happens to Gilron?"

"He'll be punished-" Rhysand started,

"He should be _dead,"_ Cassian interrupted with a growl, and judging by Azriel's dark stare, Mor judged that he'd be more than happy to finish the job he'd started. "You saw what he did to her Rhys, what he was about to-"

"He's Lord Calum son, we can't just kill him-" Rhysand gave cassian a pointed stare "Even if I would like nothing more than to end his miserable existence. But the clans are already starting to rebel, especially the Iron clans, and something like that would definitely rally them."

"I could make it look like an accident," Azriel promised with deadly quiet, but Cassian barely glanced at him.

"If we let him keep going on like always we will send a message to the Illyrians that its okay to treat their women like this and get away with it," Cassian said through gritted teeth. Mor stiffened, once again meeting Feyre's worried look across the table. She was grateful that Amren was occupied at the Summer Court with Varian, her presence would probably have intensified the situation even more.

And it was intense enough. She was grateful when Feyre cleared her throat pointedly.

"Our first priority should be to see to Erin, to make sure she is safe and healed. We will also make sure Gilron receives _public_ punishment for his actions - and make it very clear to the clans that this is not allowed."

"They won't listen, not after what she did" Cassian muttered. "She didn't just _survive_ the Blood Rite, she climbed that mountain, something only a few the strongest male warriors do. They will have to make an example of someone, to keep anyone else from following in her footsteps. And if she's not there they'll find another way."

Mor hung her head, thinking of the blood splattered in the foyer of the town house, the ripped wings. She didn't want to discuss Illyrian politics anymore, didn't want to think of the gigantic Gilron pushing those blades through the little females wings and pinning her to the ground. She remembered Gilron from when Rhys had first taken her to the war camps. He'd been a monster and a brute even then.

"We'll just have to keep them in check." Rhys said in a voice cold as stone, and Mor hated that cold voice as much as she knew Feyre did. Because the High Lady did look worried as she stared at her mate, and then at the rest of the Illyrians around the table. Mor met her stare head on, something had definitely shifted between the males.

Erin had indeed messed up the balance of the entirety of Illyria.

…

 _Erin_

Erin blinked up at an unfamiliar white ceiling.

Once, twice. She shot up, but a wave of nausea made her cringe back down. Into clean smelling sheets. She shifted slowly this time, propping herself up on her elbows and glancing at her left wing. It was healed, it still ached and was still mangled in places, but there was no bleeding and the pain was bearable.

Gilron's face flashed by her mind, the last thing she could remember. She'd thrown that dagger at him, the dagger he'd put in her wing, pinned her down with. Then everything had gone dark. The High Lord had been there, and the shadow one, and the warrior who'd stared at her, stared at her like he knew her.

She managed to get up this time, easier when she was used to the aching. She prodded over to the window, the room itself was small, sparsely decorated with only a dresser and two small beds. The beds had been pushed together for her to comfortably sprawl her wings.

She pushed away the drapes and inhaled sharply.

She'd never been there, but somehow she just knew that this was Velaris. Children's laugh curled in through the window from the street, soft murmurs of people coming and going and carrying on with their lives.

How did she get there? Had they brought her here? Healed her? Why?

How had they even found her? Erin leaned against the windowsill, her stomach turning over in hollowness. She swallowed, her throat dry. How long had she been out?

The door creaked behind her, and she whirled around to find an old high fae female looking back at her calmly, already half inside the room.

"You're already up," a slightly surprised tone "how do you feel?"

"Who are you?" Erin's wings brushed against the glass, the children's faint laughter still seeping through the window.

"I'm Madja, I'm the Head Healer of the Night Court, and I'm the one who healed those wings for you. I'd appreciate it if you didn't mess up all my hard work", she clicked her tongue, and Erin stepped away from the window quickly.

"Sit down," Madja ordered her, and Erin found herself obeying.

"My wings?" She asked, her voice almost breaking, hoarse from screaming.

"The where badly hurt, but I've healed similar injuries before. We'll have to have a few more sessions, and you can't fly for a while. But they will be fine, you will be able to fly again" the old female offered a small smile.

"How long?" Erin swallowed, even as something eased in her chest. She had not lost her wings, Gilron had not broken them.

"Can't say yet, we'll just have to see. But at least two to three months. If you put too much pressure on them before that, you might loose them. Do you understand me?"

"Yes" Erin answered quickly, "Thank you, for healing them."

"No one deserves what happened to you" Madja looked down at her, face still and serious. "Do you wish to talk about what happened to you?"

"No," Erin breathed.

"You can call for me when you do then. Now lay down, you need to rest. And drink some water." she gestured to a jug of water in the corner, and Erin only nodded.

As the healer swept up, closing the door tightly behind her, Erin reached out to trail a soft finger across her wings. _Not broken_.

Then she realized she hadn't asked where exactly she was, what had happened, and how long she'd been out.

Questions and hunger drove her out of the room, even though Madja had told her to rest. She found herself in a cozy hallway, she paused and listened. Faint sounds came from downstairs, rustling movements and soft breaths. Erin crept slowly down the stairs.

A young high fae female, maybe a few years older than herself, glanced up at her as she came down. Golden brown hair spilled across her slim shoulders as she kneeled on the floor of the hallway, cheeks rosy. She'd been scrubbing the floors, scrubbing the floors from blood.

 _Her_ blood. Erin realized.

"You're awake," the beautiful female said, her tone just as soft as her exquisite features. Erin wondered how bad she looked in comparison, and had to stop her hand from shooting to her hair.

"Where am I?" She asked, not caring that she sounded rude. The female didn't seem to mind, as she stood up, throwing the bloody rag in a bucket and drying her hands.

"Velaris. The High Lord's townhouse to be more exact. He, Cassian and Azriel brought you here after… to get you healed." She stumbled, her eyes sliding to Erin's wings. "How do you feel?"

Erin blinked. Cassian. Azriel. She knew them, knew _of_ them. The Illyrians who came from nothing and the bastard shadow singer was legend, told as heroes or villains depending who told the story. Serving the High Lord, all of them had been in that forest with her, come gotten her.

" _Why?_ " She narrowed her eyes at the female before her, the question just as much directed at her as to herself.

"Why what?"

"Why did they save me? How did they find me?" _Why do they care._

 _"_ I'm not sure, they're not here right now, but I'm sure they'll be back soon," the dainty female glanced at the door, as if she wished they would be back right now.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Elain," she smiled sweetly "I'm Feyre's sister."

One of the three human sister who'd been made high fae, the stories had been told even in the Illyrian camps. Mostly in addition to the fury of having to answer to a High _Lady_.

Erin's stomach growled, and she would probably have been mortified if she hadn't been tired into her very core. Elain offered a small smile.

"Are you hungry? I´ll make you something," she set off, golden hair swaying across her shoulders. Erin hesitated for a moment, but the promise of food had her moving her feet. Ungraciously prodding after the beauty who swept across the floor like a queen.

The kitchen was warm, and homey. Elain pointed at a chair and Erin obeyed, her body already aching from moving around. The chair was shaped for wings, and she settled down comfortably.

Elain started huffing around, she brought out bread, fresh bread that made Erin's mouth water as she set it down in front of her with a little butter and cheese.

"Eat this while you wait" she said with a soft order, and paused slightly as she leaned in beside Erin, hands frozen mid air.

Erin glanced up at her face, also frozen for a second before her eyes darted to Erin, large and almond shaped.

"What?" Erin once again felt rude, but couldn't stop herself.

"Nothing I just… you remind me of someone thats all," she had already turned away, was stirring something on the stove. Erin bit into the bread, and accidentally let out a soft moan. Elain chuckled.

Erin devoured all the bread and then the buns Elain brought her. When she'd paused long enough to inhale a mug of water, she glanced at the beauty moving around the kitchen like it was her kingdom. She reminded her of Neira, but less temperamental.

"Thank you, it was delicious" she said, her voice quiet. Elain smiled across her shoulder.

"Glad to hear."

Erin picked at her hair, it was still unwashed, dirty, and speckled with blood. "Is there somewhere I could -"

"Oh right, I'll show you. The pot won't be ready for about another hour or so anyway. Come with me."

Erin was quiet as she followed the petite female up the stairs again, careful not to step on the blood that still stained the stairs. They passed the room she'd come from, and went to the end of the hallway. Elain opened the door to a beautifully decorated bathroom with tiles from floor to ceiling and a marvelous bathtub.

"Yeah I know, they like their baths here," Elain smiled.

"We just had this big wooden bucket," Erin said, surprised that she uttered the words out loud. Elain only nodded.

"That's all we had for a while too," Het eyes snapped to Erin's dirty, bloody clothes. "I'll try to find you some clothes, I don't have anything that will fit you with those wings but maybe Feyre will."

"You mean the new High Lady?" Erin blinked. She wasn't entirely sure she was comfortable with wearing the High Lady's clothes, they probably cost more than everything she owned. Which wasn't a lot. Then she realized something. "The High Lady is not Illyrian?"

"Apparently she can… conjure wings? I'm not exactly sure how it works but she should have something. Just get washed up and I'll leave the clothes outside the door for you."

Elain gave her a soft but resolute nudge, and Erin obeyed, the promise of a real hot bath in that ornate bathtub suddenly feeling like a great idea.

She bathed for a lot longer than she usually did, the water took longer to grow cold in a bath like this. The warm water did wonders for the aching in her bones and wings. When she finally stepped out she was careful not to shake her wings too much, and let them drip dry over the bath instead.

Opening the door slightly she found a neat bundle of clothes waiting for her, with a comb resting atop it. She smiled slightly.

She combed her hair evenly, trying to not to look too close at her naked body in the full scale mirror in the bathroom. They only had this small mirror back at Ironvale, and Neira and her mother usually hogged it. Erin wasn't quite sure she'd ever surveyed herself naked other than looking straight down after a bath before.

She shifted uncomfortably, finally draping a wing across herself as she finished with her hair. She'd never cared what she looked like before, there was no need to start now.

She pulled the clothes on, the design and material familiar. She realized the outfit was pretty alike her own, fashioned for a female with wings, but softer and more exquisite than the ones she usually wore. They fit well, but where a bit loose around her hips and breasts.

Feeling better still she made her way down again, following the amazing smell of cooking that beckoned her back into the kitchen.

"You look better," Elain beamed from above the pot on the stove.

"I feel better, thank you… again."

"Oh it's no problem at all. Sit down and we can eat together, if you want to?" Elain turned her head slightly to the side, surveying her. Erin nodded, once again hungry.

Elain served her in an exquisite ornate bowl, and they sat down on either side of the table. Erin dove into her stew like a famished hound, and only slowed down once she realized Elain was studying her, instead of eating her own food.

"It's really good, you should eat before it gets cold." Erin said quietly, Elain just kept looking at her, with eyes that seemed frozen, watching something far far away. "Elain?" She repeated, just as the front door creaked.

Erin immediately tensed, listening. Two pair of steps, soft, not very heavy. Females. They paused, and Elain finally seemed to snap out of whatever she'd been thinking about.

"We're in here," she called. The steps immediately came closer, and then two of the most beautiful females Erin had ever seen stepped through the door. The first one was blonde and clad in a billowing red gown that showed off generous curves and shapes, the other Erin immediately knew who she was, had heard to much about her not too. The High Lady was clad in a beautiful but practical tunic and tights, with leather boots creeping to her knees. Both females smiled at her, but paused in the hallway. The High Lady's eyes darted between Erin and Elain, almost looking surprised.

"This is Erin," Elain finally said, breaking the silence. Erin wanted to slide down the chair and hide under the table, but then glanced at the female beside her. She'd never told Elain her name, she could probably have heard it from the others, but Elain had spoken it as if they'd been long time friends.

"Hi Erin," The blonde one said with a smile "I'm Mor, I'm Rhysand's third in command. And this is Feyre she's the High Lady-" She kept smiling and talking, and Erin felt like drowning inside her own head. She did not belong here, amongst these beautiful and brave females. Suddenly she was immensely glad that she'd had time to take a bath and comb her hair before they'd arrived.

"You look better," the blonde one- Mor, said, and then fell quiet. Erin realized she still hadn't said a word, hadn't even moved.

She shot up, almost knocking over the chair in the process, and gave the females something like a curtsey, letting her hair fall across her face to hide the redness creeping up her cheeks. "I'm sorry about your rug," she finally mumbled, glancing up at the High Lady.

"What?" She looked confused, and glanced at Elain, the sister just shrugged.

"I- the blood on the rug, I'm sorry," she mumbled again, looking down at the floor.

"Oh the rug? Don't you dare think about that stupid rug, I didn't like it anyway, Rhysand probably picked it out while on a bender or something," The High Lady waved her slender hand, but a distinctive cough made her turn to the blonde one.

"Feyre, _I_ gave Rhys that rug."

The High Lady stared at her hand, and Erin glanced at Elain, who was smiling slightly, biting her lip.

"Maybe that's not really whats important right now." Elain pointed out, and all of them looked at Erin again, she shrugged back. Mor took a step towards her, but then stilled, her eyes filled with something- understanding, as they shifted to Erin's patched up wings.

"You're safe here. We're not going to let anyone hurt you," Mor stared at her, a promise. "I'll personally make sure of that."

"Me too, you have our full protection Erin" the High Lady added, her tone serious.

"I-" Erin didn't know what to say, what to think, hadn't had time to think. Mor seemed to understand because she said,

"You could stay with me if you want to, if you don't want to stay here in Rhys and Feyre's house. But it will probably be… quieter at my place," Mor finished, glancing at the High Lady.

"It's up to you Erin, you're always welcome here, the only ones who use that room is Cassian and Azriel anyways."

"I'll go with her" Erin said quickly, too quickly, at the mention of the Illyrians. And the females noticed. "But thank you," she added.

"Anytime," the High Lady smiled.

"Do you want to go now? Are you tired?" Mor asked.

"Uh… whatever works for you" Erin shrugged, this whole situations was too weird, she couldn't wrap her mind about it.

"She'll go now, she needs to rest," Elain spoke up, and Erin thought she caught a glimmer of surprise on the High Lady's face. Mor reached out a hand towards Erin, but didn't move.

"I can winnow us there, if you'd like," the blonde offered, but waited for Erin to come to her.

Erin kept her back straight and picked up her wings as she strode across the floor to take Mor's hand.

…

Mor's apartment was huge, high ceilings and ornate columns, decorated with heavy colors and plush couches and drapes. Rugs seemed to cover every inch of the stone floor as Erin followed the outrageously beautiful female as she waved around herself, bracelets clinking as she did.

"So this is the sitting room, and over there is the kitchen, help yourself to anything- if you can find it. I don't cook much." She sent a bashful glance across her shoulder to Erin. "I usually eat at Rhys and Feyre's place, or just go out."

They passed the kitchen, piles of dishes stalked above each other. Neira would have shuddered at the sight.

"And this is my room," she opened the door and gestured into a large bedroom, with a four poster canopy bed placed in the middle, and wardrobes lining the walls. Still it seemed like most her clothes had been strewn across the floor.

"This is the drawing room, or music room or whatever, just a room really, library maybe?" Mor paused outside another room, filled with random objects, some looking like utter crap and other like invaluable artifacts. "I should probably clean this room."

Erin refrained to keep from saying that the whole apartment was in need of some serious cleaning, and simply followed the blonde bob of head down the corridor, bookcases with various items lined the walls, and Erin slid a finger across one, it was coated with dust.

"So this is your room!" Mor finally exclaimed, reaching the end of the corridor and pushing open the heavy double doors. "Sorry, it's a bit dusty." Mor coughed as she swept across the room to pull the drapes open, letting the light flood in.

The bedroom smelled musky, and was decorated in the same way as the other rooms with various pieces, it wasn't as big as Mor's bedroom, but probably fifteen times the size of the bedroom she's shared with Neira. And the bed, the double bed, also a four poster canopy bed, but put against the wall. It looked inviting, and Erin realized how exhausted she really where.

Mor looked at her with intense eyes, but always stayed about an arms length away.

"You must be tired, I'll leave you so you can get some sleep. I'll leave some new clothes for you outside the door for tomorrow."

"Thank you," Erin swallowed, hesitant. "I mean it, for everything. All of you."

Mor paused in the hallway, her mouth opening and then closed again. She pulled her arms around herself, and Erin thought she saw something in the beautiful female's eyes, something broken.

"I was… I went through something many years ago. I was treated as little more than a breeding mare and shunned when I _sullied_ myself. I know what if feels like when you think you have no one, and no way out," she paused, eyes on the floor. Erin looked into the wall, at anything but the female before her. Gilron's massive wings flashed by her mind.

"They spiked me through my womb, to the ground."

Erin's head finally snapped up, and they both stared at each other.

"When you're ready to talk, I'll be here," Mor promised, eyes gleaming. Erin nodded, slowly, in understanding and thanks.

She sagged to the floor the moment the door closed behind Mor. She held her breath just long enough to hear Mor letting out a shaky breath outside the door, before quickly sweeping away.

Erin stayed on the floor, pressing her forehead into the dusty rug, tears burning behind her eyes. She couldn't fight it, the heaviness in her body as she wrapped her arms around herself, wings rustling against the carpet as she started crying.

 _"_ _I'm going to break you slowly"._ Gilron's face hovering above her in the darkness, his wings covering them from the rest of the world as his entire weight pressed her down. She could feel the stinging in her wings where he'd pinned her down.

The rug was damp from her tears as she finally crawled across the floor, and into the bed. She fell into a restless sleep within seconds.

…

Voices cut through the darkness, shadows curling at the edge of her mind as she blinked. Soft pink light shone through the glimpses of the heavy curtains. Erin blinked again, thinking she saw shadows retreating for the windows.

She shot off the bed and darted for the window, pushing away the drapes. Only the soft greeting of dawn met her as she stared out. The shadows had probably been a trick of her still barely woken mind, but still she lingered, looking out across the City of Starlight. Velaris.

The voices grew louder, and she strained her ears, listening. She recognized Mor's instantly, probably by the front door from the sounds of it.

"You can't be here Cassian, she's not ready yet. Also, you woke me up, before _dawn_ ," Mor growled.

"I'm going out of my mind Mor, I need to know she's okay. I need to know… I just need to know…" The male voice trailed off, she recognized it as the warrior who'd crunched down before her in that forest clearing. Cassian, a legend among Illyrians, and not a well liked one.

"Of course she's not okay! But she's safe, and that's what's most important right now."

"I know," his voice, silent, defeated. Something pulled inside her, something sent her feet movement. Words spoken as a last whisper five years ago.

She silently crept down the hallway, through the living room and past the messy kitchen. Mor was blocking to door, but she could still make out the large Illyrian in the dim hallway outside. They both shifted as they heard her, and Mor whipped around.

"You're up early, Cass here was just leaving-" Mor fell silent.

Erin stared at the male behind Mor, his eyes so familiar she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed before. His scent like en echo in her mind, sending her back to her childhood, when every problem had been solved with a warm hug.

Something tightened in her chest, her mothers words echoing over and over in her head.

"Find your brother."

Erin hadn't even looked. And now he was standing right in front of her.

 **AN: How many saw this coming? Seriously, always hard to know how much foreshadowing you want to put in. Also, kind of debating putting the fact that she's Cassian's sister in the plot description but then thought it might spoil the surprise when reading.**

 **So I was originally going to post this a few days later, but this one is for you guys who reviewed, you guys are Inner Circe material :) So, you can buy earlier updates with reviews or chocolate, reviews would probably be easiest.**


	7. Broken

**Chapter 7: Broken**

Five years earlier, Illyrian mountains, Camp Southshield

 _Fourteen-year-old Erin trudged through the snow, it reached up to her mid thigh, and her wings were dripping with melting snow as she finally reached their little mountain cabin, set uphill from the actual camp. The cabin that her father had built for them when he'd met her mother, promised her safety and a home, a loving home._

 _And it had been, a loving, safe home. Erin had been a happy child, a loved child. Her father had been kind, and he'd loved her mother, and she'd loved him, and she'd been born just about a year after they met._

 _The cabin was now starting to go gray, and a few holes needed to be patched up. The weather in the mountains were harsh and the upkeep on the houses where high. Nobody had taken care of the house since her father died four years earlier._

 _She hauled her water buckets with her into the house, the door screeching in disdain behind her._

 _"_ _I'm home!" She called out, and then froze._

 _The camp healer was seated by the bed in the corner, her mothers bed, the one she'd barely gotten up from the last month. The still young healers eyes gleamed in the dim light of the flickering fire. Erin swallowed, didn't dare ask._

 _"_ _Is she awake?" she demanded instead, her voice weak. She was dripping water across the floor from her wings._

 _"_ _She comes and goes, you should probably stay near her." The healer, a female in her twenties, took Erin's hand. "Do you have any other family? Someone who can come help you now… and after?"_

 _"_ _I don't… I'm not sure." Erin swallowed. Her mother had never spoken of her family, the family who had once shunned her many, many years ago. Thrown her out on the street when she'd gotten pregnant, just a few years older than Erin was now._

 _She had no idea where that family was, or her lost brother, the child her mother never spoke of. Never dared speak of. The only time Erin had asked her mother's eyes had glazed over in fear, fear of what she'd once run from, run far far away from._

 _And her father's family, she'd only met them a few times, several years ago. She didn't know if they would care. But it was her only shot._

 _"_ _I have an uncle in Ironvale" she finally mumbled, her eyes finally grazing towards her mother, so thin, laying on her side in the bed. Eyes closed._

 _"_ _I'll try to get a message to them," the healer said, squeezing her hand tightly. "I have another patient, but I'll try to be back later okay? Just… keep her company."_

 _Erin nodded, but didn't look at the healer as she disappeared out, the door creaking shut behind her._

 _She silently prodded across the floor, towards the bed, and sunk down beside it, her head resting against the mattress. Cold, weak fingers wrapped around her own, and her mother blinked at her as she looked up._

 _Her mother's hazel eyes had once been so warm, so filled with fire and light. She had been so beautiful, with those warm eyes and dark coppery hair framing her face, the same hair Erin had inherited. Now her mother's eyes were dulled, like they'd been since her father died. Now accompanied by a hollow, sunken in and grayish face. The sickness had crept up on them, and then claimed her quickly._

 _"_ _You'll be okay" her mother's words where quiet, hoarse. "You're strong."_

 _"_ _I'm not" Erin blinked, her eyes burning as she buried her face in the mattress, but still clasped her mothers hand tighter. "I don't know what I'll do."_

 _Her mother was quiet again, Erin listened to her hollow breaths, the faint beating of her heart. Erin had thought she'd fallen asleep again, until she finally spoke._

 _"_ _Find your brother."_

 _Her mother had not spoken after that, and Erin and only remained by the bed, holing her hand tightly. She'd finally fallen asleep to the sounds of her breathing._

 _When Erin awoke in the morning, her mother had stopped breathing._

Present day:

Erin stared at Cassian, her brother, and familiar hazel eyes stared right back.

"I-" Mor broke the silence, looking between them. "I'm gonna put on some tea," she murmured and disappeared away, leaving them alone in the hallway. Erin felt like she would break into a million pieces if she moved even an inch, and stayed rooted to the spot. She finally had to look away from those eyes, her mothers eyes.

"You _are_ my sister" he finally whispered, as if to himself. "That's impossible."

She glanced up at that, he'd taken a step into the apartment, his wings tucked in tightly now. She thought his eyes gleamed in the faint light of the dawn creeping in through the windows.

"How?" he breathed "She died. She died five hundred years ago"

Erin swallowed, didn't know what to say, didn't really know the story either. She took a shaky breath.

"She didn't die, she lived." she paused "I don't know what happened back then really, she never talked about it. But she lived, met my father, and passed away five years ago. I buried her atop a mountain, next to my father. They where mates."

Cassian's eyes glazed over, his shoulders sagged. "She survived? All these years she was alive? She was out there? _You_ where out there?" his words silent, no more than a whisper. Erin didn't know what to answer, she didn't know why her mother had never gone looking for her lost son. The son who had risen to become a general of the Night Court.

"I think she was afraid, afraid they'd find her if she came looking for you, or they'd come for you. She never said why, never spoke of you. Just twice, she mentioned I had a brother."

Cassian's eyes where on the floor, looking like a beaten dog. Erin didn't know what to do with her arms.

"I'm sorry, for your loss" she finally said, not looking at him.

"I'm sorry too, for your loss, for you… for what happened to you." His words clipped, his eyes snapping to her wings, Erin shifted them behind her back, out of sight.

Silence fell again.

A crash cut through the silence, and Erin almost jumped high. Mor swore from the kitchen.

Cassian glanced at her. "I don't know what to do… with this."

"Me neither," she admitted.

"Ah shit!" Mor cursed again "I don't think there's going to be any tea guys. We might as well just go out for breakfast."

"Thank god" Cassian rolled his eyes.

…

They ate at a pretty café by the river, Mor and Cassian keeping a forced conversation. And when they'd finally finished their food, she tried to ignore the way Mor and Cassian seemed to have a silent argument between themselves, both staring at each other, Mor's nostrils flaring as she finally shot up.

"I'm going to go shopping", she announced. Then looked straight at Erin. "I'll be near, so if you need anything, just call my name and I'll come get you."

"She'll be safe Mor," Cassian rolled his eyes. Mor simply glared at him, and turned her eyes back on Erin.

"You will be of course, but still, anything. And I'll come."

"I'll be fine" Erin gave her a slight smile. She wasn't scared, not of Cassian, not here. Mor nodded slightly, hesitated for just a second before she swept out the door, into the rising sunlight in the street outside.

Erin watched her leave, tighten coiling around her chest. She heard Cassian huffing around, and then the rustle of bills as he placed some money on the counter. Erin felt a blush creep up as she realized she had absolutely no money, nothing to contribute with. The only coin she'd had was lost in that damned forest.

It seemed Cassian had paid for all of them, because the waitress gave him a nice smile as she came to clean their table, her eyes lingering heavily on him. Erin had to refrain from rolling her own eyes.

"Are you ready?" Cassian's gaze turned to her, ignoring the waitress, who looked trumped as she trudged away with glasses and plates in hand. Erin nodded, and he cleared his throat, his eyes darting between her and the table. Was he… nervous?

The idea of the five centuries old general being nervous seemed abhorrent to her, and she arched an eyebrow just slightly, as she asked.

"Would you show me around the city?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed, then seemed to settle himself "Yes, I would like that," his voice quieter, a small smile on his lips. Erin didn't look into his eyes, her mothers eyes.

They ventured out together, the sunlight gleaming across the thawing river outside. Erin shivered in the frosty wind. The climate was a lot milder than the Illyrian mountains, but still the chill cut through the tunic and pants she wore, the same as yesterday. Cassian shifted beside her, and suddenly he was holding his jacket out in front of her. She stared at it.

"Take it" he finally said, shoving it straight into her arms. The jacket was made of a thick leather, soft and worn in her hands, fashioned to accommodate strong wings.

"Thanks," she mumbled as she finally shrugged it on, wincing slightly as it scraped across her still sore wings, she knew he noticed but she didn't look at him. Didn't want to talk about _that_ , not yet. Instead she glanced out across the dazzling river, the glittering on the thawing ice.

"It's beautiful here."

"It's called the Sidra River, one of my favorite places here in the city. Rhys and Feyre's new estate is down this river too. They're rebuilding it, like so many other places in the city," his eyes wavered as they passed a house, blackened and almost burned to the ground. Erin had heard of the attack on the city by Hybern, a city none of them had known existed before that.

"It's still beautiful though, houses can be rebuilt and repaired," she said, glancing at a few children that trotted out of a house, backpacks slung across their little backs.

"You can stay here, for however long you want" Cassian said seriously "Stay with Mor, or find your own place, it's up to you."

"Thank you… for the offer" she kept her eyes on the river. "You can ask about her, if you want to" she offered him in return, shifting her gaze just slightly to give him a quick glance. He'd already been looking at her, her hair.

He was silent for a few moments as they strode down the road, shops opening up for the day as they went, more children trudging by with their backpacks. To school, Erin realized with a smile. She almost thought he wouldn't say anything, when he finally spoke.

"She never, never talked about me?"

"I knew you existed, she mentioned it once, when my father… died. Said you were long grown by now, that you didn't need her anymore, that you where safer that way. " Erin swallowed, didn't want to dwell to long on the circumstances of her fathers death. "Then when she died, she told me to find you. Those where her last words."

A beat of silence, the city drowning out the sounds of their footsteps on the cobbled stone.

"How did she die?"

"She got sick, I think…" she shoved her cold hands into the pockets of the jacket. "I think she didn't want to live without my father anymore, only held on long enough for me to grow older, old enough to make it on my own. So five years ago she got sick, there was nothing the healer could do and she just… faded away."

Cassian blinked towards her, his eyes glazed.

"Where she… was she happy?" His words strained, looking down with a solemn face. Erin finally glanced up, stepping in slightly closer, those hazel eyes eyes drawing her closer.

"She was happy, my father was a blacksmith, not a warrior. He was kind, so kind" Erin felt a stinging behind her eyes as she thought of him "He built them, _us_ , a house. In Southshield, on a hill outside the actual camp, I was born just a year after they met."

Cassian was watching her now.

"They had a happy decade together, we where all happy, safe. She's known happiness, she didn't let t _hem_ win, whatever they did to her… she won. She knew happiness." Erin said, storm brewing beneath her words as she glanced back at her brother.

"She never broke."

Cassian's throat bobbed, and he quickly glanced away.

"The mountain I buried her on, far away from enyone. Next to my father, I could take you there when," she shifted her wings behind her "when I've healed."

"That would be… thank you." Cassian's murky eyes met her, and some of the tightness in her chest eased.

"You have the same eyes, her eyes." She blurted out.

"You have her hair, her coloring, her mother's name."

Erin, her grandmothers name. The only on in her mother's family she'd ever mention with love in her voice. The only one who had tried protecting her.

Erin tugged at at the strands of her hair, just handing loose around her face. She refrained for mentioning she'd always hated her hair, hated how it stood out in the Illyrian camps. They fell into silence again, not as uncomfortable this time, both needing time to settle. Cassian led them away from the river, past an enormous mansion being rebuild just by the rivers edge. The High Lord and Lady's new house, he explained, rolling his eyes at the word _house_.

They slowly shuffled through the streets, Cassian stopping to point out some of his favorite shops. The owners recognizing him with smiles on they faces, no fear. All these shops where filled with weapons, blades and arrows. Erin stopped shortly to admire a beautifully crafted bow, almost as tall as her from tip to tip. It was sturdily made, but not standard Illyrian. She traced a hand across it, the bow would probably be easier than an Illyrian bow, but she didn't want easy.

She turned away to find Cassian waiting for her by the entrance, watching her intently.

"Did you like the bow? Do you want it?"

"No, thank you." She aimed for the street again, him following behind her.

"I saw you firing a bow on the… on the mountain. If you remember, me and Rhysand where at the top." Cassian shrugged, keeping pace beside her. Erin cast him a quick glance.

"Yes?"

"How did you, how did you learn?"

"I taught myself. I have good aim."

"But an Illyrian bow, it took me years to master one." Cassian's eyes grew wide, sliding to her slender arms. Erin managed a slight smile.

"You must be a slow learner then."

Cassian looked baffled, but his lips curled upwards in answer. Erin turned her head, shoving away her hair to show the faint scars on her neck. Scars from where the bow had snapped at her skin, over and over until her skin had been raw.

His eyes grew dark, and she realized it wasn't because of the faint scars from the bow, but because of the blooming bruise still on her neck, where Gilron had bit down. She quickly shifted away, hiding her neck. By the way Cassian's eyes had grown dark, his jaw clenched, she knew he would not let it go, knew because her mother used to look the same way when angry.

"Did he- what happened to him?" She asked, looking straight ahead.

"He's been punished, publicly" Cassian huffed, and she knew by the look he had, he did not think it was enough.

"I don't care what Rhysand says, if you want him dead, I'll take care of it." He finally growled darkly.

Erin stopped, weighing her words, her options. Gilron's wings flashed by, his weight pressing her down, the feeling of helplessness as she fought feebly from under him. Calling for help she'd never thought would come in despair. She finally turned back to Cassian, his promise still hanging in the air between them.

"I'd rather you teach me how to do it myself." She breathed, voice steady. _I am not broken._ "Teach me how to fight."

Cassian's deadly stare faltered, surprise flashing across his face, but then a smile.

"So that means you're staying?"

"I do have some time to kill before my wings heal" Erin shrugged. "Might as well make it worth it."

…

Cassian walked her all the way back to the apartment, promising outside the door that he would teach her everything he could. Erin wanted to start immediately, but he'd given her a once over glance and told her to rest, and put on some more padding. She'd rolled her eyes at that.

Mor had thrown the door open just as they where saying their goodbyes, pressed a key in Erin's hand, given her a dazzling smile and said she had to go out for business for the rest of the day. They'd both ordered Erin to bedrest.

And she had, her limbs tired she'd fallen straight into the bed, and slept soundlessly for a few hours. But when she finally awoke, her body creeping restlessly, she'd stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before trudging out of the bedroom, looking for supplies.

She hadn't been surprised to find that there was really not much of any cleaning supplies in the apartment, but she finally got her hands on a broom, a dustpan and some rags. She methodically got to work, starting in the living room, opening the windows as she went. Shaking the dust out of the rugs, the curtains and everything else. Mor had so much stuff she had no idea which things where actually needed and which things where utter crap. But she tidied up the best she could, her mind comfortably occupied with the familiar tasks.

She was in Mor's room, sorting through the clothes on the floor, the dirty from the clean ones as the bell rang.

She startled, so engrossed in her work that she had lost track of time. Looking out she realized it was probably around dinnertime. She sneaked over to the front door, and listened to the ruffling outside. Light breaths told her it was a female, and she peered through the little hole in the door to see Elain on the other side.

Erin flung the door open in surprise, Elain's flushed smile greeting her immediately, her eyes going to the broom still in Erin's hand.

"You're supposed to be resting," she frowned.

"I did, for a while" Erin admitted. "Do you need help with that?"

Elain was carrying two heavy bags in her dainty arms, Erin was surprised she hadn't sent for someone to carry them for her.

"It's fine, I'm used to heavy work from my garden. Can I come in?"

"Sure," Erin stepped to the side, to make room for Elain to come inside. She caught a whiff of food as she did, and sighed.

"You brought food."

"Mor doesn't cook" Elain smiled across her shoulder, pausing in the hallway. "Where can I put it?"

Erin took one of the bags as she passed, glad she'd already cleaned the little kitchen as Elain followed her in. She took a deep breath as she picked up a jar of something still warm, some sort of stew.

"You need to eat if you want to heal faster" Elain ordered, putting the other bag on a chair in the kitchen. Erin suddenly saw something glimmering on her finger, something she had not noticed before. An iron ring.

Iron, to repel fae. Elain caught her glance, and immediately drew her hand back, and pulled out a heavy jacket from the bag.

"I brought clothes, there wasn't a lot, but it's enough to tide you over for a while."

"I don't need much, these will be fine. Thank you." Erin smiled, her mind still on the ring. But Elain obviously did not want to talk about it, so she refrained from asking.

"You're very nice to me" she observed, her eyes on the beautiful female, Elain only glanced at her.

"Should I not be?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry" Erin hung her head, glancing at the food in her hand. "Thanks, again."

Elain let out a deep sigh, like she'd been holding it in for a long time. "You don't treat me like I'm about to break any second, like I should be something else, behave differently," Elain's hand went to the other, fingers curling around the ring. "It's nice."

"Same" Erin only breathed, an unspoken understanding hanging in the air between them.

"And I've never seen Azriel so afraid as when they brought you to the house" Elain added, as an afterthought. Clear eyes suddenly turned on Erin, with an intensity that she hadn't quite seen in them before. An intensity that almost had her stepping backwards.

"Oh," was all she managed. Erin tried to shake the thought of the male clouded in shadows from her mind.

"And he's my friend, so that means you are too" Elain shrugged, Erin offered her a genuine smile in return. But as Elain got ready to leave, Erin had the distinct feeling that the dainty female before her knew a lot more then she let on.

…

Erin cleaned until she was drowsy with sleep, then she took a warm bath, and then she ate some of the food Elain had bought. She made sure she was tired enough to barely keep her eyes open as she tumbled into bed, hoping dreamless sleep would claim her quickly.

It did not.

She'd tossed and turned for the better part of an hour when she'd glanced at the window, and frozen to the spot. Something had moved, flickered outside. Fear curled in her veins before she saw faint shadows disappearing in the edge of the window. Familiar shadows.

Her body seemed to be moving on it's own accord as she shot up, her feet silent against the carpet as she padded to the window. The shadows retreated, but she was drawn towards them, she finally hung her head outside the window, into the night.

Nothing, heavy cold nothing.

But something, she couldn't quite understand it, but she felt it, _him_ , out there.

"I know you're out there" she spoke out the window, leaning against the windowsill. The cold air helped clear her head, helped her stay awake, she didn't want to go to sleep, to see Gilron's face in her dreams.

The shadows had recoiled, but somehow she just knew, could still feel him out there, the Shadowsinger who'd saved her. But nothing, no response, only thick silence followed her words, and she sighed audibly. She should go to bed, at least close the window. She was ridiculous standing there talking into the shadows, thinking they would respond. But still she lingered.

"Thank you" she murmured softly into the night "for saving me. I didn't think - I never thought anyone would come." There it was, the truth. She'd thought she'd been done for, that Gilron would break her, as he'd promised.

She could have sworn shadows flickered at the edge of her vision, and she took a deep breath. She realized she could scent him, misty night filled her nose and settled comfortably into her body. She blinked into the night, not quite realizing what she'd just done.

She'd never… _never_ liked the scent of a male before.

Still nothing, not a breath, no movement. Something curled inside her, something that had been subdued for so long she barely remember it. She made a show of sighing loudly, before reaching for the window to close it. But she paused, leaning out over the windowsill, staring straight into the shadows.

"I'm not scared of you, Shadowsinger."

She closed the window, and let out a heavy breath. Closing her eyes as she leaned against the drapes. Gilron's eyes flashed by her mind, and her fingers curled into fists.

He had not broken her. She was not broken.

Hurt yes, messed up, yes definitely. But she was not broken.

She repeated that to herself as she crept into the warm bed, and lulled herself to sleep.

 **AN: Thanks to all of you who reviewed, favorited and so on, I appreciate all of it, so here you get a new chapter. And for the next one, I promise Azriel will actually turn up, in corporal form, and maybe even talk. Wow right?**


	8. Heat

**Chapter 8: Heat**

 _Cassian_

Cassian had gravely underestimated his newfound sister.

He'd known that the second she'd walked up in front of him at the roof of the townhouse. Her copper hair tied back i a tight braid, showing off burning gray eyes. He still started off simple, showing her how to bandage her hands up for protection before a fight. She requested they'd start with hand to hand combat, said that's what she needed to learn most. He'd complied of course, but ever since that day on their walk he'd wanted to see her use and Illyrian bow, to see if she'd actually taught herself.

Neither of them wore fighting leathers, but simple clothes made for easy movement. The padded mat on the top of the house was soft enough that they would not need any extra padding. He doubted she'd even considered it as she stood in front of him, shaking her wings out, her eyes narrowing at the soreness he knew would follow. He knew what if felt like, knew they probably set her off balance, even as she took up a near perfect stance for defense.

That's where he'd started, her stance, where to place her feet for the best balance, how to hold her arms, which way to angle her strikes, how to place a kick with the most force. He tried to remember everything, everything from those beginners lessons she'd probably never gotten.

They'd started with everything defense, how to not get caught. She was good at that, slender and quick as a cat, she darted around him as they sparred, only her lack of training betrayed her quick steps, allowing him to close in and disarm or capture her.

He'd been so careful in the beginning, asking before he touched her, asking twice before they acted out an attack scene, after a few days she'd growled at him to cut it out. Scowled that dancing around her like she was a broken toy would not help her at all, and that glare had been enough of a challenge for him to stop.

At least trying to cover up his worry better, and always kept his wings tucked in tight.

Her balance got better as the days turned to weeks and her wings healed, her aim and speed with it. Enough so that he found himself actually having a hard time keeping up with her as darted from his strikes, blocking them with surprising ease for someone with such a slender body. And he knew she knew it too. They way she grinned down at him as he had to lay down panting on the mat as they took a break. He didn't mind though, not as her grin seemed to lighten her entire face.

When he deemed her balance good enough they moved on to offense, he'd suspected this wouldn't be as easy for her to pick up, and he was right. Most offense moves needed strength behind them, strength to keep an opponent down. She would probably never have to advantage of being the bigger one in a fight.

But there was ways to work around that, her quick speed and agility was a major advantage, and he taught her all the moves he could think of where she could use it.

They'd moved on to weapons after a few weeks, sparring with fake swords being her particular favorite. She'd quickly fell into the habit of using two at a time, using them both to counter attacks and deliver blows. He was once again, breathless.

He'd never seen anyone learn that fast, to master the movements so quickly. He voiced this thought out loud as he downed a glass of water during their break, the sun high but the air still chilly around them. She'd only turned her head to the side slightly, arched an eyebrow, and called him a slow learner once more.

And he loved it when she teased him, every time her mouth curved into a smile, or her eyes shone with amusement. He loved that she started to feel more comfortable around him, they hadn't talked more about their mother, only offered up bits and pieces about their lives. They hadn't officially stated that they were siblings, accepted it, but at least they where _something_ now.

For the first time in five hundred years, he had something resembling a family that was his actual blood.

He also liked that all this time he spent with Erin, was time he didn't have to think about Nesta.

…

 _Erin_

It had taken him three weeks to stop toeing around her like she would break every time he touched her. Five weeks until she had him actually working to keep up with her. Six weeks until she slammed her foot behind his, just as he dodged her wooden blade, and all she had to do was give him a light tap and her foot did the rest as he went crashing into the mat.

Erin huffed, out of breath as she grinned down at Cassian, he looked absolutely stunned as he blinked up at her, but then he broke into a huge smile.

A laugh came from the door, and they both turned around to find Mor leaning against the doorway. A perfect eyebrow raised and enjoyment glittering in her eyes as she took in Cassian's disheveled appearance.

"Erin, you clean my apartment and drop Cassian with a little shove, you might be my new favorite person", she gleamed, as Cassian huffed and got to his feet. Erin only grinned back.

"Do you want something or did you just come here to laugh at me?" He retorted, blade back in his hand.

"I do have a reason to be here, other than to witness _this_ " she mused "Dinner here, tonight. Rhys and Feyre wants everyone to be present."

"Okay" Cassian shrugged.

"That means you to Erin, so you might want to wrap this up." Mor ordered, hands waving in their general direction.

"We're not done yet, and there's still like three hours left!" Cassian objected loudly.

"Well she's probably going to want to take a bath and a change of clothes before," Mor exclaimed "Also, you've been hogging all her time with all this tedious training."

Cassian rolled his eyes, an set his sparring blades away. "Fine, you can go."

"Perfect" Mor beamed, reaching her hand out towards Erin. "Let's go."

…

Erin bathed and combed her hair, and was wrapped tightly in a towel when Mor knocked on the door. Erin called out for her to come in, as she surveyed the clothes she'd laid out on the bed. Mor hadn't exactly specified what the dress code would be at the dinner.

"Oh are you trying to decide what to wear? You could just wear anything you like, we're not very formal" Mor said, draping herself across the armchair in the corner. Erin rolled her eyes at the bed, she said that, but she was wearing a dress in regal blue, but cut in a way that was decisively not regal.

"Mor?" She hummed as she surveyed a deep blue tunic with a beautiful silver pattern. She didn't dare look at the blonde in the armchair, didn't dare seem too eager.

"Yeah?"

"When you said everyone was going to be there, you meant.."

"Oh just the usuals, me, you of course, Rhys, Feyre, Cass, Az, Elain, probably not Nesta. Amren is still off at the summer court, probably haven't left Varian's bed in days."

Erin had heard of Nesta, the third sister, some from Elain and some from Mor. She knew there was some complicated history between her and Cassian, but he'd never mentioned her, and she'd never been at the town house when Erin was there.

But it wasn't about Nesta she'd wondered, but about the Shadowsinger, Azriel. She hadn't seen as much as a glimmer of shadows these past weeks. Had only dared ask Cassian about him once, and he'd said he was off on some mission somewhere. Told her Azriel could be away for long periods of time and be hard to get a hold of.

Erin tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach, the nervousness in her bones at the thought of seeing the shadowsinger again. She'd wanted to, wanted to thank him, face to face, for saving her. And ask him how he'd found her.

Preferably in daylight, and not deliriously staring into the shadows in the dead of night.

"Is that okay, will you be okay with everyone there? Because if it's not you don't have to go" Mor offered.

"Oh it's fine" Erin quickly replied, deciding to go for the tunic in her hands. She paused, glancing at Mor still in the armchair, they had indeed grown to be friends, but she was not really comfortable enough to change in front of the other female. She didn't feel like having her self esteem put through _that_ particular ordeal.

"Just come get me when you're done" Mor chirped, and swept out of the room, hips swishing as she went.

Erin shrugged into the tunic quickly, and then pulled her hair into her usual two-braid half bun. She'd favored that style for a while because it hid her neck but still kept the hair out of her face. She took a quick glance in the mirror, gray eyes peering back at her. She did look better, more alive. Some of the hollowness in her face had filled out, her eyes seeming lighter.

She didn't want to dwell to long on her face, her body, and resolutely swept out the door to find Mor.

…

Mor winnowed them directly into the hallway of the town house, with a half hour to spare. Mor went to the living room, were Cassian was already half asleep in a armchair, a glass of some clear liquid in his hand. Erin heard Elain in the kitchen, and ventured to find her newfound friend.

Elain, and the two handmaidens - Nuala and Cerridwen, the half wraiths, where busting around in the kitchen. The three of them moved with fluid easiness around each other, handing each other things before the other had even asked for it.

"Do you need any help?" She asked, and they all turned around, greeting her with smiles.

"Oh yes, could you peel these potatoes for me please?" Elain nudged with her head across her shoulder, to a bunch of potatoes still unpeeled at the table.

"Of course," Erin thankfully settled by the table. Erin had noticed Elain didn't let anyone help her in the kitchen, and had been delighted when she'd finally let Erin help, after she'd endlessly kept offering.

She settled into peeling comfortably, liking the methodical rhythm of the work, it kept her from thinking of Azriel. She'd always used work to keep her distracted, or in this case training these last few weeks. She worked herself until she was tired into her very bone, so tired she fell into bed each night. Too tired to have nightmares.

At least not every night. But she couldn't shut them out completely, Gilron's face, his wings, his weight on her, it still lingered.

But here, the rustling sound of the females behind her, the warmth of the kitchen, it was easy to forget, to push it away. Easy to settle into her work and let her mind go numb.

So easy that she didn't notice the Shadowing until his scent grazed her nose, almost making her drop the knife in her hand.

"Azriel!" Elain beamed over Erin's head, to the shadowsinger she could feel hovering behind her in the doorway. Erin sat frozen, didn't dare turn around. Nuala and Cerridwen sent small smiles to him too, but continued on with their chores.

"Do you need any help? Mor and Cassian has already gotten into Rhys's secret stock and I don't particularly feel like waking up with a hangover tomorrow," he murmured, his voice low, steady.

Erin swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. She'd never heard his voice before, but something in it just felt so familiar.

"You can peel these" Elain immediately set down a bowl of fruit, right next to Erin, and then pulled out the chair. Erin glanced up slightly, having the distinct feeling that Elain had been waiting, ready to set that bowl on the table. But Elain's beautiful eyes shone with innocence as she waited for the Shadowsinger to take his place. He finally rustled, wings tucked in tight as he took the chair right next to Erin.

His scent, misty night and cedar, wrapped around her as he did and she almost startled. She'd known she hadn't been dreaming, known it was him who'd been out there that night in the shadows. She watched from the corner of her eyes as he reached for the knife Elain had laid out for him, grabbing a fruit and begun peeling.

Elain gave a contented nod and turned back to the stove.

Erin forced her hands to start moving again, cursing herself as she did. Why was she acting like this? Why was she even reacting to him like this? She felt like her whole body was buzzing, every little particle in her body painfully aware of his closeness.

He sat still, only perfect, controlled movements as he begun peeling at the fruit. Erin found herself glancing at his hands, flickering with shadows, at his arms, up his shoulders, his neck, that black hair curling at the nape of his neck, his jaw, his lips, his-

Erin turned away quickly. She hadn't really seen him in that forest, hadn't really been in her right mind, he'd been clouded by shadows and she'd been drowning in fear. But here, this close - only a glance at those heavy lidded eyes, angular cheekbones…

She turned warm, her face suddenly heated as she stared intently at the unpeeled potato in her hand.

"You look better, your wings are almost healed," The Shadowsinger said quietly, his voice barely carrying above the rustling in the kitchen. It took her several heartbeats while staring at the potato until she realized he was talking to her.

"Oh yes, I'm much better, thank you" she blurted out, immediately biting her lip. That was not at all what she wanted to say.

"I'm glad to hear," he mumbled back, even quieter. She saw that his hands had stopped moving in the corner of her eye, and took a deep breath before turning to him.

"I want to thank you for-" she started, dark hazel eyes meeting her as she found he was already gazing down at her. The words died from her lips as she forgot how to speak, how to think.

A heartbeat passed in silence, only her thundering heart, then Feyre came into the kitchen, tightly followed by Rhysand, and the moment was over.

She watched Azriel smile faintly as laughter and easy banter filled the kitchen. Watched him hand the finished fruits to Elain with a warm smile, and something coiled inside her stomach at the way he looked at her.

When she'd finally managed to concentrate enough to peel the potatoes the table was cleaned and then the put out the plates and glasses. Mor wanted Erin to sit beside her, and then Cassian sat down on Erin's other side. Azriel remained on the other side of the table, now sitting straight ahead of her. His eyes on Mor as she told the rest of them how Erin had swept Cassian to the floor a few hours earlier. Azriel's eyes lingered on Mor, longer than necessary, warmth shining through them, warmth and longing.

Erin's blood cooled, a heavy feeling pooling in her stomach and her limbs as she looked down at the beautiful meal on her plate. They all roared with laughter as Mor carefully described Cassian's face as he'd ended up on the floor, and he just grunted good heartedly beside Erin. Mor swept her arm around Erin's shoulder as they all gave her smiles, and jabs at Cassian.

She plastered a smile on her face, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach, a sinking feeling she couldn't understand at all. And refused to look at the Shadowsinger, she kept her gaze on the food, not feeling the taste as she chewed carefully.

She kept quiet throughout the dinner, staying behind in the kitchen when the others ventured to the living room, towards the wine, as Mor had put it. Erin only shook her head when Mor had tugged at her arm to come, and the blonde had of course left the decision up to her.

Elain sent away Cerridwen and Nuala, both looking tired and grateful as they swished away to wherever they slept. Erin took up the spot next to Elain, to dry dishes Elain washed. They fell into heavy, not completely uncomfortable silence as they worked, listening to the laughter and bantering from the other room.

"You don't want to join the others?" Elain finally asked, scrubbing away on a particularly dirty plate. Erin shook her head.

"I don't drink alcohol really, barely tasted it. Back at home, I didn't like doing it because I wanted to keep my senses about, didn't want to feel more vulnerable than I already was," she admitted, Elain only nodded into the plate, and then handed it to Erin.

"I don't like the smell of it, and never liked the way it would turn a perfectly respectable man into a scoundrel," Elain confided. Erin's eyes shot straight to the ring at the word 'man', but said nothing.

"At least that's something both men and males have in common," she replied instead, earning a small grin from Elain.

A few beats of silence, only the water swishing and the banter from the other room, Cassian and Rhysand where arguing about something, their _wingspans_ , Erin realized and rolled her eyes.

"I have a mate," Elain suddenly offered into the silence, still looking down at her plate. Erin was so surprised she almost dropped the plate she was drying.

"Oh?"

"He, he saw me, when I was _made_ , and that was it. Apparently that's supposed to be decided for me now, that we're together. That I'm his now. That _this_ " she wriggled her finger, the one with the iron ring "Means nothing."

"Where is he now?" was all Erin could think to ask.

"I'm not sure, I don't care." her voice hardened, in a way Erin had never heard it before. Erin suddenly realized that maybe they weren't so different, maybe this dainty beauty who cooked and smiled and breezed across the floor like a queen, was just looking for the same thing Erin had longed for her entire life.

Freedom. The freedom to make your own choices.

Elain had made a choice, made a choice to put on that ring, and then it had all been taken away from her.

"Nobody can force you into loving someone" she finally said, her voice steady "No one can take that part away from you, not even the mating bond. The choice is still yours if you want to accept it."

"Everyone expects me accept it, to marvel at it, to view it as a gift. "Elain voice was still cold, a slight tremble at the words.

"Then to hell with them" Erin scowled, "They're all just scoundrels anyway"

And Elain let out something like a hoarse laugh.

Erin pondered the news as they worked their way through the rest of the dishes in silence. Refusing a mate, something like that would have been impossible for any Illyrian female. But here, in a place like Velaris, Elain did have that choice, did have the choice to refuse it.

Or the choice of someone else completely. Like the Shadowsinger.

Erin was biting hard on the inside of her chin, trying to chase the thoughts of the Shadowsinger out of her head as Mor sauntered into the kitchen behind them.

"We're going dancing, you guys with us?" She bubbled, and Erin only had to take one look at Elain to know that neither of them had any plans on going dancing tonight.

"I don't dance" Erin simply murmured, drying her hands on the towel beside the dishes.

"Oh c'mon!" Mor wailed "I promise it will be fun!"

"Leave them alone Mor, if they don't want to go thats fine" Feyre called from the hallway, and Mor frowned.

"Do you want me to winnow you home before I go?" She asked Erin, considerate even in her intoxicated state, Erin had to smile at that.

"It's fine Mor, it's not far to walk."

"You're not walking home alone!" Cassian called, and a moment later his voice was followed by his head as he rounded the door. "I'll fly you"

"Seriously, I climbed Ramiel, I can walk myself home," her voice was soft but they both caught the light twinge. Cassian sighed, slinging his arm around Mor.

"She did win this morning" Mor mused, and Cassian let out and offended huff.

"She didn't win, she just got the better of me _once_ "

They bickered through the hallway, joined by the rest of the gang moments later. Erin and Elain both waited until the voices had died away.

"I should probably go too, before it gets too late. Thank you for the food, it was delicious."

"You barely touched it" Elain commented, her eyebrow arched.

"Sorry, I'm not feeling well," not a complete lie. She did not feel well, not like herself at all. That sick feeling still pooled in her stomach, turned her feet into led.

"Oh do you need me to call Madja? Or make you some chamomile tea?" Elain was already moving towards the pot.

"Oh no thank you, I really just want to go home and get some sleep," she said with a sigh. Elain only nodded, and then followed her to the door.

They bid each other goodbye with slight smiles before Erin turned to the dark street. She tried to shake the feeling that Elain had looked right through her before she closed the door, those pretty eyes burrowing into her very being.

She walked home slowly, despite the chill still biting at the air. It felt nice, the cold occupying her mind from thinking of other things, other things like Shadowsinger's scent, still lingering in her nose. She could almost smell him, like he was still sitting next to her…

Wait.

She whipped around, hair swaying around her shoulders as her boots scraped against the ground. There was no one behind her, the street dead as the night, no one wanted to venture out on a cold night like this. But she could smell him, as clearly as she had back in the kitchen.

Her breath curled around the corner of her lips, crystallizing in the air as she huffed. "I know you're out there," She felt her now almost numb fingers curl inwards, and added in a wry tone "I do not appreciate being stalked"

Something scraped against the cobbled stone beside her, and she took a deep breath before she turned towards him, willing herself to look calm.

Azriel's heavy hazel eyes locked on hers, narrowing slightly, his arms held tensely by his sides. Erin's heart stumbled.

She ignored her traitorous heart as she started walking again, feigning indifference as she strode down the street. She held her breath, waiting for several moments before she finally heard his too quiet steps following behind her.

 _They're all scoundrels anyway._

"Why do you keep doing that?" She asked, into the night, not turning around. She could feel him walking a few steps behind her.

"Doing what?"

"Hiding,"

"I didn't want to scare you. And you said you didn't want company."

Before she had time to stop herself, she whirled around, digging her heels in as she found herself face to face with the Shadowsinger.

"So then why are you here?" Erin cursed herself inwardly, she didn't know where this was coming from, this _thing_ curling up inside her, making her questioning the male before her. She should just thank him and be done with it. With him.

Azriel's smile, the smile that he'd had when he looked at Mor, at Elain, was long gone, replaced with what seemed like a permanent nothingness.

"I didn't want to let you go alone," he finally admitted, eyes flashing towards her for just a second.

"I can handle myself" she turned her chin up in defiance, but even as she did, she thought of that day in the forest. The Shadowsinger who saved her when she'd thought she'd been done for. She hadn't been able to handle herself then.

Silence hung heavily between them, both of them rooted to the spot. "I can handle myself, _now_." She finally breathed, looking at the ground. "I'm not broken."

She hadn't said it out loud before, but she felt like she had to tell _him_. To let him know. She finally turned her head up, eyes locking onto his, this time she didn't waver.

"I'm not broken, thanks to you."

The Shadowsinger gazed down at her in stillness, eyes glittering like the starlight above. Erin's chest tightened.

"And I _told_ you I'm not afraid of you."

His lip curled upwards, a glimpse of a smile. Heat bloomed inside her.

"I'll try to remember that."

"Please do, it's getting tiring talking into the night like a crazy person," she said, rolling her eyes. Mostly to avoid the Shadowsinger's glittering gaze.

He let out a huff of air, almost a little laugh, and she turned around before he could see the small blush creeping up her cheeks at the sound.

"You can walk me home, if you don't disappear," she mumbled, words clipped.

"Yes ma'm"

He just made joke. Erin almost swayed, but kept her footing as she cast a quick glance at the Shadowsinger who'd fallen into step next to her. His steps much too light for male his size.

"How do you do it? The shadows?" She breathed, immediately biting the inside of her cheek as his smile dropped. The light drained from his eyes, and she suddenly found herself thinking of the dark cell from her dreams, she could almost hear the clinking of the chains against the wet stone. The rustle of wings.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that. It's none of my business." she added quickly "It's a very interesting gift that's all." With a gift like that, no one could ever trap you, pin you down.

Azriel turned his chin, hollow eyes on her, as if he'd read every untold word on her face.

"It's quite useful, especially for stalking."

Erin grinned into the shadows.

She found herself at the entrance to Mor's building too quickly, and the warm feeling in her chest chilled as he opened the locks with the ease of someone who'd done it thousands of times before.

"So are you going to join the others now?" She asked, as he held the door open for her.

"Making sure I'm not going to linger outside your window?"

She glanced at him, the playful smile on his lips, her whole body heated this time, redness blooming across her cheeks. She deliberately stepped away from the light hanging above the door, diving for the front door keys in her pocket.

"I'd sleep easier knowing my stalker is otherwise engaged" she chirped back, the worlds rolling easily off her tongue. He chuckled.

"I'll guess I have to go join the rest of them then, I wouldn't want to be keeping you up at night" his voice silvery in the dark air.

Erin swallowed.

"How very considerate of you", she opened the door to Mor's apartment, it echoed empty inside.

"Did you clean this place?" Azriel asked in surprise.

He'd probably been there lots of times before.

"It was a little… dusty" she shrugged, a hand on the doorknob. The shadowsinger had already backed away, shadows curling at his edges. Erin hovered in the doorway, something unspoken on her lips, she didn't know what.

"Goodnight Erin," he only murmured, just before he faded into the shadows completely.

Erin slammed the door shut behind her, and then drove her head back so hard the door creaked. Pain seared through her scull but the ignored it, staring wildly ahead into the empty apartment. She hated the way her body seemed to buzz from her head all the way down to her toes.

She finally threw herself into a cold bath, and then laid awake in bed for hours until she heard Mor coming back at the break of dawn. Alone.

 **AN: There we have it, some Sassy Azzy for you guys. Hope you enjoyed it, and as always, I'm easily bribed with reviews.**


	9. Target

**Chapter 9: Target**

Erin buried her head into the soft pillows, denying the fickle rays of sun any chance to rouse her completely. She'd been awake for hours, since her usual nightmare she hadn't been able to fall back asleep, and yet had not deigned to rise either. She readjusted her blanket across her wings, trying to encase them in the warmth of the bed she did not feel ready to leave.

She had absolutely no idea what had happened to her the previous night, why her heart had beaten like she'd been running, why her mind had gone completely blank as the Shadowsinger turned his dark glittering eyes on her.

Mor rustled somewhere in the apartment, her steps slower than usual, heavier.

Erin groaned, no matter what she did she could not get that sinking feeling from her stomach whenever she thought of the way the Shadowsinger looked at Mor and Elain. Could not ease that weird tightness in her chest. And she _hated_ it, it didn't make any sense.

Finally, as she heard Mor picking around in the kitchen, she dragged herself slowly out of the bed, hissing as her naked feet hit the cold marble floor where the rug had slid away.

She didn't bother getting dressed, and only pulled on a silky soft sweater over her shirt and shorts before she padded out, wings hanging low behind her, tips scraping against the rug.

"God morning," she said, forcing herself to sound cheerful as she entered the kitchen. Mor swept around by the counter, teapot in hand.

"Morning Erin, get home safe yesterday?" she yawned, her voice sleepy, her usually perfect hair tousled.

"Yes of course" Erin rolled her eyes as Mor turned back to the tea, filling two cups to the brim with steaming watery black liquid. "So did you have fun last night, didn't hear you come home?" Lie, she'd laid awake waiting for the lock to click in the door.

"Oh yeah, danced until we could barely stand anymore. Good to see Rhys and Feyre having some fun for once too, they're always so busy nowadays. We all are," Mor sighed as she set one of the cups in front of Erin. She smiled in thanks, coiling her fingers around the hot cup.

"So you had fun, all of you?"

"Yeah, do you want to join us next time?" Mor's eyebrow arched slightly as she sat down on the other side of the table, pulling one leg up to rest her chin on it.

"Maybe" Erin offered. She tried to imagine the serious Shadowsinger dancing away in a club, and completely failed. She bit the inside of her mouth, wondering if she dared ask.

Screw it.

"I can't imagine Azriel and Cassian at a club, to be entirely honest," she pondered into her cup, hot waves of peppermint caressing her nose. Mor snorted.

"You would be surprised, Cassian is quite the dancer actually. Azriel doesn't really dance, he just tags along to keep an eye on us I think."

"So the two of you didn't… dance together?"

"Who? Azriel, Cassian?" Mor eyes shot to her, her head turned to the side.

"Azriel," Erin swallowed. "I thought the two of you…" she trailed of, not managing to finish the sentence. She waited for Mor to laugh, wave it away.

"It's complicated" Mor said silently, taking a swig of her tea, the knot in Erin's chest tightened.

"How so?" she blurted "If you want to talk about it, it's fine if you don't." She added, and Mor's eyes turned towards her, looking tired, she took a deep breath.

"Well, you know when I said my family shunned me a long time ago?"

"Yes" Erin shivered involuntarily.

"Well, that was because i chose to sleep with Cassian, to soil myself with a low born bastard, instead of letting my family sell me to the highest bidder."

Erin choked on her tea. Mor only turned to her with a faint smile.

"Sorry,"

"It's okay," Erin wheezed, trying to get air back into her lungs. "Go on"

"Well I, I chose Cassian because I knew it wouldn't mean anything, and I think… maybe Azriel wanted it to be him. All those years ago."

"And now?" Erin breathed, frozen to the chair, cold despite the warmth from the tea.

"We've never done anything, and we never will" Mor shrugged. "I don't know exactly what he's feeling but we're friends. I'll always care about him, but not in that way."

"Oh" Erin let out, barely audible. Heart sinking in her chest. So the Shadowsinger had been in love with Mor for the last five hundred years.

"Don't get me wrong, Azriel hasn't exactly been chaste, he's had lovers" Mor added and took another sip. Erin gripped the mug tighter, something flaring inside her chest.

"Like Elain?"

"Elain?" Mor turned to her, brows high. "I don't know whats up with those two to be quite honest, but if it makes him happy, I'm all for it. She does have a mate though, I guess that could be a problem." Mor mused, leaning back in her chair and stretching her milky smooth long legs out before her.

Erin was suddenly busy swallowing down that burning in her chest.

"Why are you so curious?" Mor inquired, mouth curling upwards.

"Nothing, just been wondering, figuring things out with all of you" Erin said smoothly, setting the cup down on the table. "I should probably get ready, I'm already late to see Cassian."

"Don't worry, he's probably more hungover than me" Mor waved her hand dismissively.

…

Mor had not been wrong, Cassian had indeed looked better. As she came up on the roof he simply huffed 'target practice' across his shoulder as he shuffled around to put up different targets. Erin rolled her eyes at the sky as she picked up a blade, a thin dagger, weighing it in her hand. Cassian sat back against the wall by the door, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hands.

"Rough night?" Erin called over her shoulder as she picked up another dagger.

"Oh just shut up and throw them" Cassian groaned, leaning back against the wall. Erin breathed out loudly, a small laugh. The tight coiling in her chest eased slightly here, the now familiar banter between her and Cassian, the soothing padding of the mat below her.

Yes, this was better.

She threw her first dagger, and it found its mark in the middle with a damp thud.

She grinned to herself.

Much better.

Several daggers, knifes and blades later, she was feeling much more like herself. Cassian had perked up too, even joining her and throwing a few blades himself. When Elain came up and offered them refreshment her face went ashen at the assortment of knifes, blades and bows scattered on the rooftop. Both Erin and Cassian only grinned bashfully as she carefully made her way to the little table in the corner to put down the tea and sandwiches. They took a quick break together, Elain lingering with them as all of them turned their heads to the sun and let it warm them.

Cassian's spirits rose significantly after the refreshments, and proposed a little competition. Erin was not late to accept the challenge.

She'd won with the daggers, Cassian had done better with the blades. And something inside her thrilled as he handed her the Illyrian bow. He seemed to notice too as her fingers closed around the limb, marveling at the heaviness.

"I could get you another bow if you want?" Cassian drawled, but with a grin. Erin had to refrain from glaring at him, even as his eyes seemed to assess the height between her and the bow. It wasn't much smaller than she was. She scowled, and he turned away with a laugh.

"I had that bow made for you, it's going to be better than the ones you've used before. Those where mad for males." He admitted, knocking an arrow on his own bow, resting it against his fingers. Erin turned her bow over in awe, it did feel different. The build was basically the same, but it was more elegant, smaller if she looked closely, and lighter in her hands.

"Thank you" she breathed, just as Cassian released his arrow.

The arrow burrowed straight into the middle, and Cassian straightened up, letting his arm fall down.

"No problem" he grinned at the target, wings rustling behind him.

"Erin would you please wipe that smirk of his face,", a now familiar voice sang behind them. Erin froze, and Cassian glowered across his shoulder, at the only one who could sneak up on them like that.

"Shut up Azzy"

Someone let out a giggle at the nickname, Elain. Erin finally cast a glance across her shoulder, finding Azriel leaning casually against the wall, and Elain hovering behind him in the doorway. Azriel's eyes danced as they met her's for a heartbeat, and then turned to Cassian.

"Ten bucks on Erin"

Elain rolled her eyes to Erin.

Erin let out a deep breath as she turned back to the target, Cassian's arrow still in it. He made a move as if to go get it, but she called out,

"Leave it,"

Cassian's brows rose, but he backed away. Erin took her stance, felt the wind caressing her wings, judging the strength of it as she reached for an arrow.

She put the arrow to the knock, letting it rest against her fingers as she let her wings out, relaxing her shoulders. As she drew the bow back, letting the heavy weight of it anchor her to the ground, she shut out everything else. Shut out the sound of gravel under Cassian's boots, the scent of the Shadowsinger as the wind shifted, the rustle of Elain's gown.

She aimed for several heartbeats, calculating the wind, the distance, the heaviness and the material of the arrow. Then she let the arrow loose at the same time as she exhaled.

It cleaved Cassian's arrow in two.

"Damn," Cassian mouthed, sounding quite impressed. Erin let her bow fall, strands of her hair coming loose from her braid and whipping at her wind-bitten face.

"You owe me ten bucks" Azriel called, and Cassian glared at him.

"Do _you_ want to try?"

"Oh no, not after this performance" Azriel grinned calmly, his eyes shifting to her as she finally dared look back at him. The shadows around him seemed to recoil in the sunlight, fainter than usual.

For a heartbeat, they looked at each other, his grin faltered, his eyes darkened.

"I made scones," Elain called up at them, already halfway down the stairs. Erin and Azriel both swept their eyes towards the door.

"Ah hell yes" Cassian beamed and tugged at Erin when she still didn't move. Her feet finally moved, and she trudged after Cassian, numbly noticing as he glanced at the Shadowsinger by the doorway. Cassian paused, letting her go first down the stairs, Erin raised her brows sightly but followed Elain down, followed the beckoning scent of freshly bakes scones. The presence of the the two Illyrian males heavy at her back.

The kitchen smelled heavenly, and Erin had to grin at the smeared flour on Elain usually perfect dress as she joined the other female in the kitchen. Cassian darted past her, eyes immediately upon the tray by the stove.

"They're still too hot!" Elain exclaimed as Cassian lounged for the scones, snapping one up before Elain could pull them away. His small hiss did indeed confirm that they where too hot.

"Who's too hot? Are you talking about me?" Rhysand's voice drawled as he came into the kitchen, followed tightly by Feyre, the latter sending a warm smile her way.

Erin pointedly looked anywhere but at the Shadowsinger as the group bantered in the kitchen, until she finally couldn't stand it and glanced up at him from under her eyelashes. Azriel's hazel eyes met hers, he'd already been looking at her, she snapped her head away. Could feel his burning gaze on her as she accepted a scone from Elain. The other female gave her a quiet, questioning glance. Erin only offered a stiff smile in return.

She didn't look as the Shadowsinger accepted a scone from Elain.

She noticed Cassian's stance changing as the High Lord's voice changed too, a serious tone instead of the easy banter that had filled the kitchen only seconds earlier.

"We're going to Illyria, several of the camps have been reporting uneasiness, I'd like to check it out, sooner than later."

"So you're all going to the camp?" Feyre's said, and Erin perked up. "Why all of you?"

"Things are… unstable at the Illyrian Camps. It will be good for them to see us all together, reminding them who's making the rules here." Rhysand said, glancing at Cassian then at Azriel, Cassian nodded, but the Shadowsinger only picked at his scone.

Erin was too late to stifle the derisive snort that escaped her. Suddenly the room went quiet, all eyes on her.

"Do you have anything to add, Erin?" Rhysand asked, not angry, just… demanding. Erin straightened up under his gaze, and noticed Cassian shift closer towards her.

"It's just that… I'm from Ironvale, that won't work on them. A showoff like that would only make things worse. You coming there strutting around all High Lordy and showing off your generals… those are the kinds of things they'll use against you." She paused, Feyre's lips twisted upwards. "They don't like you, any of you. They don't want a fancy High Lord ruling them from afar, you're not one of them. Not anymore." She hesitated, Rhysand didn't interrupt her, but he didn't look happy anymore. Feyre's grin had dropped too.

"Gilron, Calum, they're not acknowledging your right to rule them anymore, they're just not stupid enough to be as straight forward about it as Kallon. But Kallon is getting through to his father, and if the Ironcrest clan rebel, Ironvale will follow. Kallon has… he has a lot of loyalty, among the younger males." She remembered the way Sander used to talk of Kallon, how he described the young Lord's son, the future of Illyria, many of the younger warriors called him. A visionary.

"So what do you propose I do? Instead of strutting around all _High Lordy._ " Rhysand used his High Lord voice now. Erin swallowed.

"I'd find out who's still loyal, who's willing to change the rules, make things better, for the females and everyone else. And then make sure the rebels don't get to them. Protect those who are still not decided, like my uncle- Commander Crowley. And I'd reach out to the females- they're half of the Illyrian population, and some of the hold considerable sway with their males, whether the males know it or not." She shrugged. "But that's just me."

Everyone was silent, staring at her, Erin wished she could sink through the floor, the scone had grown cold in her hand.

"When you're ready, if you want to-" Rhysand finally said "You can come with me, help me, get the females on my side. Talk to your uncle. You could be my Illyrian emissary."

"What? You're saying she should go back _there_?" Cassian growled. "No way, that is not happening."

"I was just asking Cassian, the choice is hers."

Erin blinked ahead, going back to Illyria, to Ironvale. The thought seemed so abhorrent, her uncle's eyes burning in the darkness of her and Neira's little room. His words ' _Run far away and never look_ _back'._ It had probably been the greatest gift he could have ever given her, the only amount of freedom he could bestow upon her, the chance to run, to leave.

But to never look back, to leave all of them behind. Neira. Sander, even her uncle and his wife. The other females, the ones she'd spent untold hours in the washing house with, shoulder to shoulder. That had been her life, and was still their lives, their options so limited, freedom such a far away concept they could barely grasp it.

The way Neira's eyes had gleamed in their dark bedroom that night, at the the word, at the thought of being _free_. Suddenly Erin knew, knew she wasn't alone, that Neira, despite fitting into the every day life of an Illyrian female so perfectly, longed for something else too, for more.

And that was enough for her, to feel that burning in her chest rising as she gazed back at the High Lord.

 _I am not broken._

"I'll come now", she said, voice steady against the heavy silence.

"No," two voices breathed, Cassian and… she whipped around to Azriel, his lips in a thin line as he stared at Rhysand.

"Maybe not today, I'd like to see your wings healed completely, and have a bit more training. If you're going back I want to be sure you're able to protect yourself." Rhysand said, thankfully ignoring the other males to her contentment.

"This is mad, Rhys, you can't be serious!" Cassian exclaimed, now turning to Erin. "You just got out of there, why would you want to go back?"

"Why do _you_ keep going back?" She turned her head to the side, her eyes steady on Cassian. He froze, and she knew her words had found it's mark, just like her arrow.

"That's different" he finally bit out.

"Why? Because I'm female?"

"Because you're young, and still too untrained!"

"I think I've proved myself several times over by now that I'm no longer untrained. And I survived the Blood Rite with barely any training" She took a beat "And I intend to make sure no other female has to feel like that is her only way out."

And that was that.

Feyre turned to Rhysand, "You strut around all _High Lordy_?"

…

The males got ready to leave, Feyre following Rhysand out of the kitchen, both of them silent but Erin knew they where having one of those wordless conversations through their bond. She watched as Azriel silently followed them out, his eyes darting towards her just once before he disappeared, dense shadows now circling him. Cassian lingered beside her, sifting from foot to foot.

"I don't like it" he finally huffed. Erin shot him something like a glare.

"You don't have to like it. It's my choice."

"I know" he faltered, shoulders and wings sagging, his eyes turning on her . "I know. I'm just… I worry okay?" He scratched the back on his neck, watching Elain as she pretended not to hear them by the counter as she rustled in a drawer.

Erin suddenly shifted uncomfortably too.

"Thats fine, but It doesn't change anything," She breathed "I'll be fine, you're a good teacher. Which was a surprise because you're such a slow learner," She mocked with a sly grin, trying to diffuse the situation.

Cassian gave her a faint, loopy smile.

"Are you going to Ironvale?" She asked, and he nodded as both of them headed out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

"Could you check up on someone for me? Sander, he's the one who was on the mountain with me, he hurt his wings pretty bad, I haven't even seen him since then." She looked to the floor, her steps heavy. "And Neira, my cousin she-"

"I remember them," Cassian said said with slight smile "I'll make sure they're safe, don't worry."

Erin watched him as he went to join Azriel and Rhysand, the males getting ready to leave. Eyes on the males she wondered if he could actually make sure of that, if _anyone_ could make sure that her friends where safe.

…

 _Cassian_

As the day wore on, Cassian wondered if he'd had any right making any sort of promises to his newfound sister. He'd tried to get the Illyrians to train their females for years, and the only Lord who even let them in the ring when he wasn't around was Devlon.

His mood got worse and worse as he fought with the lords, Rhysand doing the same. Cassian did however notice that Rhysand had put a damper on his usual _swagger,_ acting more… Illyrian. He'd even let his wings show, the entire time, but he still favored his usual black suit instead of Illyrian leathers. Maybe Erin's words had effected him more than he'd let on. Maybe she'd struck a cord, maybe he also felt that he wasn't one of them anymore.

Azriel kept quiet, as always, barely visible through his flickering shadows. He'd always hated going back to Illyria, to any of the camps. But he was effective as a threat, because the bastard Shadowsinger did indeed look intimidating with those shadows, and all seven siphons blazing in the deft sun.

Cassian wore all his siphons too, like he always did when he went back to Illyria. Spread his wings wide, and met every male's stare that dared question his presence.

He was fuming to himself as Rhysand winnowed them into Ironvale, Azriel following moments later and materializing right by their side. The three of them immediately sunk down to their ankles in mud, and Rhysand swore something, mumbling about his shoes. Azriel barely glanced at him, grave eyes scanning the camp square. Cassian's eyes narrowed as he watched his friend, that weird protective feeling rumbling inside him.

He'd noticed the way his friends eyes lingered on Erin, the way they'd stopped traveling to Mor when they all gathered in a room. The way they'd gleamed as Erin had cleaved his arrow in two hours earlier.

And despite himself, despite Azriel being his best friend, he hated it. Wanted to shield her from those eyes, from _any_ male eyes.

"Well isn't this a surprise" a gruff voice said from behind them, and they all turned around to find Lord Calum, looking like he'd been waiting for them. The Lord's cold eyes crossed over Rhysand, taking in the wings, and his needle eyes narrowed. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I told you we'd be checking in on things" Rhysand said with a smile as cold as the wind around them. Two commanders flanked Calum, Cassian immediately recognizing Erin's uncle Crowley. He was taller than Lord Calum, but not as bulky as the Lord who had the same brute build as his son.

"Where's Gilron?" Rhysand demanded, scanning the Lord and the two Commanders.

"He's tending to some business at our sister camp" Calum didn't miss a beat. Cassian's eyes immediately went to Crowley, the older male's eyes meeting his, and ever so slightly shook his head.

Cassian bit down his growl, hands curling into fists at his sides. Maybe Rhysand noticed, because he quickly aimed for the Lord.

"I have business to talk about" he barely looked at the commanders "Alone"

The other commander looked grimly at Rhysand, but headed for the training ring as Calum gave him a dismissive nod. Crowley just tipped his head slightly to Rhysand, before stepping away - his eyes shifting to Cassian just for a moment as he passed.

Cassian waited for Rhysand and Lord Calum to disappear as they headed for the largest house in the square, the home of the Lord, he felt Azriel's attention shift as something flickered in his peripheral vision.

They both turned to find a young male, leaping across the fence circling training ring with ease, scarred wings flaring behind him. Cassian immediately recognized him as the male ignored the stares of the other young warriors behind him, eyes growing wide as he closed in on them. Azriel shifted beside him, but Cassian mumbled silently, only loud enough for the Shadowsinger to hear.

"That's the male who was on the mountain with her, they're friends"

Azriel relaxed slightly, his eyes scanning the young male, who seemed to be sizing them up to as his dark eyes traveled across the seven siphons the both adorned. To his credit, he didn't falter, despite his youth. Not the same way the other warriors narrowed their eyes at them, even as they stayed vigilant, their eyes following the young male striding towards them with long steps.

He was taller than Cassian remembered, but then he'd been barely alive the last time he saw him, his wings draped across Erin's. The scars shone white against his black wings in the sunlight, a dark bruise sporting his right cheek, that one must be new.

"Sander!" A voice called out, and the male stopped immediately, turning towards the dainty female who trudged through the mud, she barely reached his shoulder. "Sander would you please come help me with this cart?" The female, Neira, Cassian recognized. Erin's cousin. Her voice was sweet, a little pleading, but her eyes sent daggers towards the young male. His lips went into a thin line, but he simply sent them a sweeping glance before he strode over to the female, grabbing the cart from her, filled with laundry.

She hissed something something under her breath to him, then looked at the rest of the warriors in the training ring. The male shrugged, but started pulling at the cart, away from him and Azriel. The little female followed, casting a glance across her shoulders.

She blinked as her eyes met Cassian's. A silent message. _Not here_.

…

Cassian waited for Neira to come to them, darkness had already fallen over the camp as they exited the camp tavern, just as murky and dark as the rest of the place. Azriel had barely said a word the entire time, now barely visible in the darkness.

"She's over there," Azriel said, his voice just a whisper, and Cassian turned around to find Neira, hovering around the corner. She ducked away the moment they turned her way, a silent beckon to follow. Cassian and Azriel exchanged a quick glance before they casually strolled across the now almost deserted square.

They made a show of looking relaxed, only out for a stroll, as they turned at the corner where Neira had been.

Her hair flashed around the next corner, tips of her elegant wings disappearing around the wall. They followed, Azriel's footsteps barely audible while Cassian's splattered through the mud. When they rounded the next corner, they found themselves behind a large, quiet house, a storing facility judging by the large amount of different scents he picked up. He listened, and the place seemed deserted enough, only two heartbeats in the vicinity, a quick, fluttering one, and a heavier, but still rushed one.

Now they followed the scent of the two young Illyrians as they ducked into the dark alley behind the storing house. Cassian tucked his wings in tight as the little female stared up at him, eyes growing large. Her eyes turned to Azriel, taking a step back, straight into the young male behind her. His eyes warily darting between the two of them as his hand went up to rest against the female's side lightly, reassuringly.

"Is she okay? Did you, did you make it in time?" Neira breathed, gleaming eyes on Cassian. Like she had the day when she'd pleaded to him to save her cousin.

"She's safe, we found her." He said, willing himself to sound calm, to not glance at the Shadowsinger beside him, who'd somehow found her before he did. Neira let out a deep breath, a sob in her throat.

"Oh thank the gods" She seemed to sag, and leaned against the wall behind her. Cassian tried to manage a smile, he'd sent word, on Erin's request, to her family, secretly of course, that she was fine several weeks ago. But it seemed her cousin had wanted to hear it, hear it from him.

"Where is she now?" the young male demanded, his eyes dark in the alley, he shifted, ever so slightly, in front of Neira, her small figure still leaning against the wall, slender hand clasping her throat. His eyes turned to Azriel, sizing the Shadowsinger up.

"Sander" Neira murmured, warning in her voice.

"She's in Velaris, with our friends, she's protected, and safe" Cassian answered, his tone civil only because he remembered how the young male had tried to cut himself loose on that mountain. To save Erin.

"She's in Velaris?" Neira's eyes grew big, wondrous.

"Yes, she asked me to make sure you two where okay"

"We're fine" the male said, Sander, said but glanced at Neira, and Cassian recognized the worry in those eyes. But Neira's face went stony, the tremor gone from her voice as she answered,

"Don't let her come back, tell her we're fine. Tell her to-" she looked away "My dad was right, she can't ever look back, she can't ever come back here." Her eyes turned to Cassian. "Tell her to be free, to forget about this place. She never belonged her anyway."

Sander hung his head, he even taller than Cassian up close, his build lighter than the usual Illyrian warrior, but he recognized the controlled movements, the hidden strength.

"I'm no sure she'll take well to being told what to do" he answered, and Sander huffed.

"Glad to hear she's still herself"

"Oh she's still a pain in the ass" Cassian shrugged, just as the winds shifted. Sander's head shot up, short hair tousled in the wind as he stared at Cassian, nose flaring. Neira glanced at him, her hand shooting out, gracing his arm softly.

"You're - " Sander narrowed his eyes, staring at Cassian, scanning his face, Neira's face turned to him too, still in question.

"She's my sister" Cassian finished for the young male, as Neira's mouth dropped open.

Azriel's shadows flickered beside him, and Cassian realized he hadn't spoken those words out loud, not since that initial meeting in Mor's apartment. Had never said it, had never felt it like this before. A muscle feathered in Azriel's jaw, as he turned to keep a look out behind them.

"Damn," Sander gaped, "I did not see that coming"

"Neither did I" Cassian offered. Sander looked a him, his eyes assessing, then glanced at Neira beside him, her mouth still slightly open.

"Look" he took a step forward, and Cassian was once again a little impressed by how the young male didn't falter from the seven siphons adorning him. "Erin is tough, she's damn though. But you're going to have to look out for her, even when she says she doesn't need it. She's- she's really…" he glanced again at Neira, the female's full lips now a thin line, her face pale in the night.

"She really fucked things up" Neira finished for Sander, the male giving her a quick glance. "They're so mad about what she did, what she proved _we_ can do."

The way Neira's eyes burned in the starlight, he knew she had the same will of iron as his sister.

"Someone's coming" Azriel hissed silently, wings flaring, barely visible through the shadows. Cassian quickly turned back to the two young Illyrians, his face grave.

"You send word for me, if anything happens, I promised Erin I'd keep you safe."

"We can handle ourselves" Sander rolled his eyes.

"Thank you," Neira shot from the wall, pushing past sander, and grabbed Cassian's hand. Her hand was so small, so light in his, until she gripped it hard, with surprising strength.

"Take care of Erin,"

Then Sander put a hand on her shoulder, his wings flaring, gently brushing her's as they turned around and hurried out the other side of the alley.

Cassian put on his drunk face, just as Azriel vanished completely into the shadows. He schooled his features into a drunken mess just as the one of the commanders, the angry one, came around the corner. Cassian staggered against the wall, like his legs were unsteady, and looked at the commander through bleary eyes.

"Where can a man" he hiccuped "find another beer around here?"

He could have sworn he heard Azriel chuckling at his performance from the shadows.

 **AN: Thank you all for the great response on the last chapter, it really makes it worth it when I get to hear that you like it. Will try to update next chapter soon, if you're nice ;)**


	10. Night

**Chapter 10: Night**

Erin paced back and forth through the empty apartment, wings grazing the doorframe every time she rounded the corner. Mor had watched her pace for a while earlier in the day, offering her the option of coming with her to her estate outside the city, meet her loved horses. Erin had immediately declined, horses had a tendency to shy away from the wings, and she wanted to stay here, wait for them to come back.

Not them, Cassian, for Cassian to come back and tell her Neira and Sander where safe. That Sanders wings were healed. _Any_ good news.

She definitely didn't care about anything else. Definitely did not stay awake for any other reason as it begun to grow dark, and she kept pacing, finding no peace in her bones.

She stalked through the apartment, deciding she needed a bath, to calm her restless limbs and ease that knot in her stomach.

She gnawed at the inside of her cheek as she waited for the water to fill up the tub, and then finally splashed in. Her wings felt good, healed, as she sprawled them out across the edge of the bathtub. She concentrated on them, not looking down at her body as she let the hot water soak her skin, sliding down lower in the tub until the water grazed her jaw. Soon she could fly again, could go wherever she wanted. She'd be free, to do what she wanted, with whoever she wanted -

There it was again, she groaned to herself, water splashing around her as she shifted. All she'd ever wanted before was to be free, she'd never thought of males, never had any interest in them whatsoever, only tried to avoid them, to avoided their attention.

In her world, there had only been two kind of males, the ones like Gilron, the ones she avoided to all costs, and the ones like Sander. And that had really only been him, her friend, her best friend. She'd never thought of him as anything else, maybe she'd once realized he didn't look too bad, but it had never stirred anything in her.

The thought of the Shadowsinger made her feel something, she couldn't put a finger at it. Her body heated whenever she was near, made her mind go blank. Made that weird curling inside her wake as he looked at her with those dark hazel eyes.

She looked down at her naked body in the water, the small breasts, the faint curves of her hips and slender legs. Nothing special, nothing special at all. Not compared to Elain's striking, innocent beauty, or Mor's blazing curves and to die for smile. The tightening in her chest strained, she did not want to think of them, to think of them with Azriel. To think that he'd longed for Mor for five centuries, for those curves, that dazzling beauty.

Once she'd been grateful her body had been this nondescript, hated her hair color and eyes for standing out too much in the Illyrian Camps. She stepped out of the tub with a sigh, shaking her wings and pulling a crimson bathrobe around herself and strode out of the bathroom. That hadn't calmed her at all.

She pulled on a simple t-shirt to sleep in after she'd dried, and a pair of sleeping shorts in a soft material. She'd never liked sleeping naked, it made her feel to vulnerable.

As she crept into the bed, she tried not to think of the Shadowsinger, his easiness around Elain, his eyes as they followed Mor.

Five hundred years. She'd been alive for nineteen. She was literally nothing compared to them, their history.

When she finally fell asleep, she saw of hazel eyes clouded in shadows in her mind. Her chest so tight it ached as she curled inwards on herself, sprawling her wing above herself like a blanket.

…

 _She was back in that forest clearing, her wings pinned to the ground, Gilron's enormous wings blocking the sun, drowning out the rest of the world._

 _She was dying._

 _She could no longer move, the pain freezing her body as he pinned her arms under his legs, his eyes roved across her, and there was nothing civilized about them, only malice, only predatory focus._

 _"_ _I've thought a lot about this you know," his hands stroked her neck, undid the buttons on her jacket "I wanted you to like it, I would have been soft with you, made it nice for you." His hand closed around her throat as he leaned forward._

 _"_ _You have only yourself to blame. If you'd only known your place, none of this would have happened."_

 _His hot lips scraped her cheek, and he lowered his hand, dipping it under her shirt. His wings flared, and she drowned in the darkness._

 _She screamed._

 _She kept falling, thundering through that darkness, strong hands pushing her down, down, taking the air from her as they closed tighter around her throat._

 _"_ _Erin"_

 _Trapped. She couldn't breath- couldn't fight._

 _"_ _Erin"_

 _Her name, that was her name._

"Erin"

 _She felt something tugging at her, but she couldn't stop the falling, could not gasp for air, could not breathe, not answer -_

"ERIN!"

That voice rattled her to the bone, and she jolted awake.

She still bathed in darkness, warm hands grasping her shoulders, she shrugged back as she caught a glimpse of massive wings flickering above her.

"I'm sorry," a voice now so familiar, yet so new.

He retreated quickly, backing several steps away, tucking in his wings tightly. Erin's chest heaved loudly, trying to get the air into her lungs. To stop her heart from thundering against her ribcage. She was not back in that forest. She was not broken. She was here, in her bedroom. In Velaris.

And so was the Shadowsinger.

The nightmare washed away like a wave, faded into an echo at the back of her mind as she blinked into the night.

She could barely make him out as he still backed away, so blurred by the shadows he almost melted into the darkness. He'd almost reached the window.

"Stop!" She exclaimed, finally finding her voice. He froze, she bit her lip "Don't- don't leave, not yet, please."

He'd stopped by the window, his back to her, not turning towards her. She could still feel the warmth of his hands on her bare arms as she spun her legs across the bed, they still trembled as her feet hit the rug.

"You're here, in my bedroom," she stated, he was still as the night.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled again, even quieter.

"Mor's not here, if you where looking for her. She's still out." Erin couldn't quite keep the sting out of her tone, she hoped the Shadowsinger wouldn't notice. But she thought she saw his head turn slightly. He still didn't answer.

"Where you looking for Mor?" Erin demanded, now she stood up, the Shadowsinger looked like he was about to bolt anytime.

"I heard you screaming, I didn't know- I didn't think. I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable, or scared you. It will never happen again," he said darkly, looking out the window, the shadows flickering across his face. The glittering in his eyes earlier that day, on the rooftop when she'd cleaved Cassian's arrow in two, was completely gone.

"I told you I'm not scared of you, several times." She said evenly, silently begging him to turn around. She took a step closer, drawn towards those shadows, the lingering warmth of his hands that beckoned her. His scent, a scent that now filled the room, settled into her bones, warming her to the core.

He took a deep breath, stiffening as she stopped just behind him, if she wanted to she could reach out and trail her finger across his wings. He still didn't move, and once again that something curled inside her, and she let out a huff of air.

"Why won't you look at me?" She demanded, with surprising strength, surprising herself even. She recoiled the moments the words were out, but it seemed like he'd been taken by the tone too, because he finally turned around. She ground her teeth, standing her ground, having to turn up her shin to meet his eyes.

The Shadowsinger towered over her, dark eyes gleaming in he soft starlight from the window. She found herself gazing at a wave of black hair falling across his forehead, and those clouded eyes that now met hers.

Her throat suddenly went dry, and she swallowed. He stayed silent, but still gazed down at her, keeping still as the night. She tried ignore the perfect line of his jaw, the broad shoulders, she let her gaze drop, noticing he was still in his leathers, all seven siphons gleaming dimly in the darkness.

"Did you just come back?" She swallowed again, the dryness in her throat making her voice hoarse "From Ironvale?"

"Yes" His gaze still on her, locked on her face. She remembered she was only wearing a thin shirt and shorts, and suddenly felt very, very naked.

Not that he'd care. She could probably stand stark naked in front of him and he wouldn't even rustle his wings.

"How was it?" She managed to clip out, she hated the way his jaw clenched, hated the way his eyes looked completely dulled. Hated that she even cared.

"Bad" he signed, looking down on his muddy shoes, such a stark contrast to her bare feet. "But your friends are fine." He added, softly this time. The knot in her chest loosened, just slightly, her wings sagged.

"They really care about you, both of them. They just want you to stay safe, told us that you shouldn't worry about them."

Erin narrowed her eyes at the floor, at his muddy boots.

"And do you think I shouldn't worry about them?" Her voice clear. His feet shifted, just slightly.

"That's not for me to decide," he murmured.

"You where there, you know how Illyria works, do you also think I should just pretend everything is fine and move on?" She looked up at him, needed to see his face, his jaw clenched again.

"Azriel?" She demanded, and he froze. She stopped too, realizing she'd never said his name out loud before.

His gaze flickered to her, and she crossed her arms in front of her, trying to look indifferent. Even though the act was probably rendered mute by her thundering heart.

"Everyone just wants you to be safe" he said silently, his gaze soft.

She was torn between melting at that look in his eyes, and the thing curling inside her. The thing won.

"Good to know you all think so highly of me" she snapped coldly. His eyes dropped.

"That's not what I meant"

"I know what you meant" She glared straight into the siphon on his chest, straight into that power he wielded. For short second she hated him for it, hated him for those Illyrian leathers, hated him for being old and powerful and -

She ground her teeth, her heart suddenly beating hard as that thing inside her screamed, fought to get out, to get a hold of her. That thing she'd spent her entire life pushing down, to not let it show as she kept her head down and trudged through life.

She hated him for being everything she was not.

"You know just because I'm not ancient and strut around with half a dozen siphons, doesn't mean I can't handle myself. I was fine for nineteen years before you turned up."

Before he saved her.

"I know," he mumbled, and her gaze flickered to him for just a second. The emptiness in his eyes, the darkness, the void of _anything_ , struck her dead on.

Like a lonely cold cell.

She let out a shaky breath, the roaring thing inside her faltered, it's fire quenched.

"You bet on me at the rooftop, you didn't doubt me then?" She turned her head to the side, even took a step closer. She didn't really know why she kept pushing, why she felt this need to prove herself to him. To prove she was not that female in the forest, wings pinned to the ground. That she was no longer helpless like she'd been then.

"No?" He said it as a question, his eyes finally flipping to hers as she turned her head up to meet his gaze straight. His brows rose slightly at the challenge in her stare.

"Then why do you doubt me now? Why won't you tell me the truth?"

"I am telling you the truth, your friends just want you to be safe."

"I want to know what _you_ think" she pushed, so close that her naked feet almost grazed his boots.

"Why?" The shadowsinger snapped back, with a temper she hadn't expected. A temper that matched her own.

"Why do you care what I think, you don't know me," he growled, leaning down close enough that she felt his warm breath on her face.

"I-" Erin started, but the words died from her lips as she stared back up at him, his dark eyes glittering, the shadows dancing around his shoulders, his wings. Massive, majestic wings now flaring behind him. She hadn't noticed him spreading them, hadn't noticed that she'd stepped so closely to him that his scent encased her completely, burrowed deep into her very being.

"I don't know" she breathed, the air crystallizing in front of her. The window was still open, a cold wind sweeping in, drowning her flaring temper. Drowning that thing that always threatened to erupt whenever he was near.

"You're right, I don't know you," she stepped away, the fresh air clearing her mind even as it made her exposed skin prickle in the cold. "I don't care what you think, as long as you don't stand in my way."

The room had grown intensely cold, the burning inside her gone and a shiver rushing through her. She fought to keep her arms from wrapping around herself.

Azriel's wings sagged with his shoulders, that flaring in his eyes flickering out like a blown out candle.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry," he breathed, taking a step towards her.

"No you're right. I don't know you, and you don't know me. So you probably shouldn't be in my bedroom in the middle of the night," she hissed, her voice as icy as the wind. He froze to the spot.

"And if you're looking for Mor, I'd rather be kept out of it, so stop hovering around on the roof. Just use the door damnit," she added with a growl.

"I-" he started to object, but then turned to the window. "I should go" he finally said, barely above a whisper.

"Oh you think? Don't want to stay for tea?" She snapped.

His shoulders tensed, a muscle flickering in his jaw.

She wondered if she'd gone too far. Wondered why she couldn't control that thing inside her around him, couldn't just keep her head down and her mouth shut.

She waited for him to move, to leave. Vanish into thin air, turn into a bat, _anything._

He stood still, his body tense, his wings rustled as he looked at her, his mouth opening, eyes gleaming, but then he finally shook his head.

He swept out the window, and vanished into shadows in a heartbeat.

Erin hugged her arms around herself tightly, sitting down on the bed slowly. The room felt cold, empty again, even though his scent still lingered, tauntingly inviting.

A fool. A little nineteen year old fool. Nothing.

She didn't understand what had just happened. Why'd she'd felt so much, why she felt anything at all. He was right, she didn't know him, not beyond him saving her. He probably went around saving little females day out and day in. Even if that had meant something to her, it hadn't meant anything to him.

And the only reason she cared what he thought, was because she didn't want him, or anyone else, thinking she was a defenseless female still in need of rescue.

She did not know him, and he definitely did not know her.

 **AN: Well** ** _that_** **went well.**

 **You guys know the drill, reviews for chapters. I have a full time job and I need sustenance to keep this up. Also, if you're nice, I might do a double chapter next time, meaning extra looong.**


	11. Dawn

**Chapter 11: Dawn**

 **Part 1**

Erin woke up before the sun. She'd barely gotten any sleep, not when she'd left the window open for another half an hour to get the Shadowsinger's lingering sent out of her room, and then turning restlessly back and forth in the freezing room the rest of the night.

But she didn't care, it had given her time to think, time to think about what she wanted.

She knocked on the Head Healer's door before the sun had crept across the rooftops.

Madja opened the door to her office, her eyes only thin slits as the withered female glared at Erin.

"Your appointment is not for another two hours."

"Well I have things to do, and you're obviously already up" Erin huffed, but only received a cold look in response. "Please, I'm going crazy here" she pleaded, wings sagging behind her. Madja's icy stare warmed, and she pushed the door open further and beckoned for Erin to enter. She made a mental note to leave some kind of present for the healer later, find out what she liked.

The old healer gestured for Erin to sit on the little bed, and she sat down, her back against Madja as she'd done several times these past weeks. The scarring across her wings were minimal thanks to the healer, barely visible after numerous session of healing and caring. The membrane had stopped aching as she moved, didn't stretch across the healing scars anymore. They'd started feeling strong again.

Madja's fingers were cold as she prodded at Erin's wings, pushing in on the different spots she'd been hurt. In the beginning it had sent her hissing, twitching away. Just the thought of someone touching her wings had made her want to squirm, but she'd stayed put, let the healer do her work.

She wondered how well Sanders wings had healed. The healers in Ironvale where nowhere near as skilled as Madja.

"So? Am I ready?" She questioned, pushing the thought of Sander out of her head. Madja only answered by grabbing her left wing, bending it to test the agility. Erin rolled her eyes into the wall, used to the way the healer didn't speak unless necessary.

Finally, after making Erin do several more exercises, Madja finally nodded her head.

"You can fly"

Erin almost jumped high, wings flaring as if she'd start right there and then.

"But-" Madja added sternly "You'll have to take it easy, don't over exercise them, it will take you some time to get back to your previous strength and dexterity."

"I'll be careful" Erin hummed, barely registering the words. Madja seemed to roll her eyes just slightly, but turned away before Erin could catch it.

"Come back in a week to let me check on the progress again, make sure you're not overdoing it."

"Okay" Erin beamed, ready to agree to anything, the itching had started in her bones, the _longing_.

"You can leave now, just remember to take it easy" Madja sighed, hand gesturing towards the door as she headed for her desk.

"Thank you" Erin breathed to the healer, and then dashed for the door.

…

The air had't felt so clear, so bright in weeks. Everything felt better, the still cold wind that bit her noose and her ears was like a song, a song calling her. Caressing her wings with a beckoning melody.

She could fly.

She stopped on the street outside the healer's office. The street was still empty, but the city had started to rise around her, rustling in the houses around her as the people of Velaris awoke for yet another day.

Her feet scraped against the cobbled stone of the street, marveled at the wind in her face, felt the current in the air and shifted slightly.

The sun beamed at her, having made it over the rooftops. The rays warmed her skin, stung her eyes, but she stared up at it anyway.

Stared up at the sky.

She bent her knee, spread her feet apart as she'd done so many times before. She straightened her spine as the muscles in her legs begged for release.

Then she shot into the sky.

…

 _Elain_

Elain pulled off her gloves, and then tried to brush the dirt off the knees from her dress. It was a futile effort, the grass and mud stains had permanently marred her working dress. She didn't really mind though, she kind of liked actually.

The sun warmed the back of her neck, the gap between her jacket and the hair she'd pulled up in a bun as she tended to the garden at the new estate. She liked being there early, before the whole estate started bussing with life as they repaired the whole place, rebuilt it to it's former beauty.

Feyre had happily let the designs of the garden over to Elain, and she hadn't been late to accept. The little patch at the town house was nothing compared to this place. She had a whole garden to make beautiful, to make _living_.

She loved behind here, doing this. Because it was the only constant she had, the only thing that worked the same here, in this eternal word of ageless beauty. The flowers, the plants, they lived, they withered and then there came new ones. Just like things were supposed to work, just like they had at their little cottage in the village.

The rose seeds she planted into the still cold ground, the would grow to be beautiful this spring, spread their petals and stare at the sun. But when autumn came, they would wither and die, fade back into the same earth they had once come from.

Elain liked the thought of that, of things ending, and being born again. It made sense.

She grabbed the bucket with her supplies, threw in the little shovel she'd used and stood up. Her body didn't ache from hours bent over the ground anymore, not like it had when she'd been human. She sometimes longed for that pinching in her knees when she'd been squatting too long, that tingle in her spine as she straighten up.

But her body moved smoothly, effortlessly, as she carried to bucket like it was nothing, like a feather in her hand.

At least the dirt was constant too.

The sun flickered above her, and she swept her head upwards, her hand shooting up to shield her eyes from the now blazing sun.

At first she thought it was bird.

The wings so elegant, so poised, reminding her more of bird then a bat as it banked in the wind, looped around like it was playing.

Then she knew.

Elain grinned to the sky as she watched Erin loop around once more, the sun flickering in and out of focus behind her. She'd seen Cassian, Azriel and Rhysand fly, even Feyre. But the way Erin moved, there was an easiness there she hadn't seen in the rest of them, the way she followed the wind, her wings barely beating as she caught a wave and surfed across the sky.

It was absolutely mesmerizing.

Erin dropped down, grinning straight at Elain before her feet hit the the mud at the edge of the garden. She carefully jumped across a newly prepared patch of seeds before she met Elain by the front door, white teeth gleaming in a smile so large Elain almost felt blinded.

"You're flying" she only said to the Illyrian, Erin's head bobbed, grey eyes sparkling.

"Yes I am"

"It looked wonderful," Elain smiled, it truly had. Then she noticed the piece of paper Erin was clutching in her right hand. "So what brings you here?"

"I need to talk to Feyre, is she here?"

"In the library I think, just follow me," Elain pushed the double door open, and set her bucket down by the doorway. She felt Erin right behind her as she trudged away through the enormous hallway, hardwood floor quietly creaking beneath her feet. If she'd been human she wouldn't even have picked it up.

"Wow, this place seems like its almost done, it feels like…" Erin trailed off, eyes scanning the house as they went. Elain cast a glance across her shoulder.

"It feels like a home."

"Yes, it does," Erin breathed behind her.

Elain didn't need to say the rest, not to her newfound friend. This place did feel like a home, it was gorgeous, tasteful and still homey despite the size of it. And it was a home. It was Feyre's home. The home she'd built with Rhysand.

Elain chewed the inside of her lip, Feyre's touch was everywhere in this place, from everything to the colors, the materials and the decorations. And while her sister had made it very clear that they were all welcome here, that they where building this place to be a home for all of them. And even though she was eternally grateful for that, Elain knew this would never be her home.

She tucked her hand into her pocket, the metallic ring scraping against the thick material of her dress.

She wondered if she'd ever have a home again. If she'd ever really had one. Had it been their mansion before the downfall? Or the dreadful cottage with Feyre's little paintings and the bed she shared with both her sisters? Or the new mansion, built with money from a High Lord whose name they did speak anymore, that later burned to the ground. The town house? This lovely estate?

None of these places had ever really been her home.

Erin's feet clicked against the wooden floor behind her, she didn't say anything, but Elain knew she'd probably caught her wrists movements, the way her thumb grazed over the ring in her pocket. The winged female behind her was very perceptive, she'd gathered that much quickly. However, she did seem to miss a few things that where right in front of her.

Maybe that was unfair of her though, with her new gifts. Her gifts of _seeing_ things, things before they happened. Sort of.

Broken fingers digging into the snow, red paint on a white canvas.

Elain had seen that same vision several times, several times before Cassian carried Erin across the doorstep.

She'd never told anyone.

…

 _Erin_

Erin followed Elain through the estate, the estate that was quickly becoming a home. She had to admit it had quite cozy feeling about it despite being so gigantic. She tried to think about that as she noticed Elain's thoughts trailing, her hand wrapping around her ring in her pocket.

They found the High Lady in the soon to be library - looking quite un lady like as they pushed the double oak doors open. Finding themselves in a large high ceiling room, bathing in sunlight, Feyre glanced down at them.

She was perched on top of a high ladder, painting the ornamented ceiling in a light gray color, paint smeared on her cheek, splattered in her hair and on her working clothes. She grinned coyly down at them, brush still in hand.

"Hey guys, Erin, good to see you," Feyre smiled warmly.

"Erin wanted to talk to you" Elain explained as Feyre climbed down the ladder.

"Oh?"

"Yes, this is for you" Erin almost pushed the piece of paper she'd been clutching into the High Lady's paint splattered hands.

"What is it?" Feyre carefully unwrapped the paper, probably trying not to smear paint all over it.

"It's a letter from Madja, telling you I'm healed, and ready to work"

"She flew here" Elain chimed in, sending Erina quick grin.

"You flew here? That's great!" Feyre beamed.

"Yes, so please let me do something. I'm going crazy just walking around here. I need something to do, you've got to have something for me to help out with?" Erin practically begged as Feyre's grin dropped slightly, her eyes shifting to Elain. The sister gave her a barely visible shrug in return.

"I don't know… I'm not sending you to Illyria yet if thats what you want" the High Lady said, scanning through the paper.

"No I got that, I'm not trying to go behind The High Lords back or anything" Erin quickly answered. Or Cassian's for that matter. Not at the moment. "But there's got to be something else, I'm fine, I've been here for almost two months and I've trained and my wings are _fine._ Please"

Erin hated that begging voice that was her own, but still held her ground as the High Lady's eyes traveled over her face.

"There might be something, it's not very exciting but-"

"I'll do it." Erin interrupted, and then bit her lip. Feyre might be nice but she was still High Lady. But she didn't seem to care as she handed the paper back to Erin.

"We have a delegation coming from the Dawn Court tomorrow, we're trying to establish a better relationship between all the Solar Courts. Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian can't be there and the Dawn Court are sending some of their Peregryn commanders. Having someone who can show them around, from their point of view" Feyre glanced out the windows, to the sky "Might be a good idea"

"I'll be there" Erin breathed.

…

Erin decided to walk home, the muscles in her back where already aching after not being used for so long. But she liked the aching, liked the feeling of her wings being used, liked her hair tousled from the wind. She'd have to start braiding it again now that she could use her wings.

She stopped to buy breakfast at a small café by the river, reminded by her stomach that it was still morning and she hadn't eaten anything yet. Breakfast in hand she trudged through the now busy street.

Peregryn's, she'd never met one. Illyrians usually looked down on the other winged species, especially since the Peregryn where a pretty small people compared to Illyria. She knew their wings were bird like, feathery as apposed to her membranous ones.

She wondered what it felt like to fly with those wings, if the smoothness made it easier to glide across the sky.

She actually felt a little excited about the next day.

When she reached the apartment, she found Cassian leaning against the front door, eyes closed.

"Why are you sleeping here and not in your bed?" She asked, smiling as he twitched slightly, he _had_ been sleeping.

"I was not sleeping, just resting my eyes!" Cassian exclaimed, but then yawned.

"U-huh" Erin fished her keys out, as Cassian's eyes settled on her, narrowing.

"Did you do something different with your hair today?"

"No"

"You look different"

"I look like I always do" she opened the door, leaving it ajar for Cassian to follow.

"No there's definitely something different!" he huffed as he followed her into the kitchen. She rolled her eyes into the tea pot as she filled it up.

"I flew today"

"You did?" Cassian exclaimed "Wait, where you supposed to? Did Madja clear you, because you're not supposed to fly before she does that. Believe me I know-"

"Yes Cassian she did"

"Well then… thats great" his voice grew warm, and she glanced across her shoulder at him, his eyes sparkling. Her mother's eyes sparkling.

Erin's chest warmed.

"Tell me about Ironvale" she said, ignoring that weird warm feeling spreading inside her. She turned around, just as Cassian's smile dropped. She hadn't exactly thought Azriel would have told him about showing up in her bedroom, so she would have to pretend this was the first she heard of it.

"Neira and Sander are safe. Sanders wings are healed, working again. They told us not to-" he paused. "They told us to tell you that they're fine. That you should forget about them and be safe."

"What?" Erin didn't fake the way her voice almost broke, the dread pooling in her stomach.

"Neira… she said-" Cassian glance out the window before finally looking back at her, Erin's fingers dug into the bench behind her. "She said that you should be free"

Free.

Erin blinked, tears burning behind her eyes. Did they ever think that she could just forget about them? Her friends, her family?

The wood of the bench creaked as her fingers dug in deeper.

"Are you okay?" Cassian hovered halfway out of the chair, like he was unsure if he should approach her or not. Erin shook her head into the floor, biting back the tears and willing herself to calm.

"I'm fine. Thank you for checking on them"

"Always" Cassian stood up, but didn't move towards her. A few beats of silence followed. "I'll be away tomorrow, so there wont be any training."

"I know, I'm already busy anyway" she shrugged, her heart rate slowing back to it's normal rhythm. Cassian's head cocked to the side.

"Like what?"

"Why do you look so surprised?" she grunted back.

"I'm not surprised, just wondering" Cassian defended himself, taking a step towards the door.

"I'm receiving the Dawn Court delegation with The High Lady"

"Oh" Cassian breathed "Well then… have fun?"

"I will"

Cassian gave her small smile before he bid her farewell, letting himself out. Leaving her alone in the small kitchen, realizing that it was still just morning.

It had only been that night the Shadowsinger had been in her bedroom. Only hours ago she'd erupted at the five centuries old Spymaster.

She sagged against the counter, turning to the side to avoid crushing her wings. Only hours ago she'd realized she was still just that defenseless little female pinned to the ground in the woods to him, and he'd never see her as anything else.

Not that she cared.

She'd flown today.

And soon. Soon she'd come back for her friends.

Because there was no way in hell that she'd forget about her friends. Not until they where all free together.

 **Part 2**

Erin had spent the rest of the previous day trying to look up information on the Dawn Court, especially on her winged cousins the Peregryn's. Finding any useful information except their small numbers was hoverer impossible. The Peregryn seemed about at close lipped about their attributes as their shortcomings.

So when she flew to the House of Wind the next day, her tight braid flipping against her back, she still felt as unprepared as she had the day before.

She'd opted for her dark blue tunic set, and the thick jacket that could stand the wind, and a pair of knee high boots. She'd taken extra time braiding her hair, trying to make herself as presentable as possible.

But she still felt desperately inadequate as she found Mor and the High Lady already waiting in the wall-less dining room. Mor had obviously chosen a dazzling gown as usual, but a night blue one with small glittering stones and a high cut neck. Feyre was also in a tunic, but a beautifully ornamented one made for a queen, Erin's eyes swept across the tasteful tiara on her head as the two females turned around to greet her.

"Is this okay to wear?" She said as a way of greeting as her feet hit the stone floor, wings tucking in behind her.

"Of course it is!" Mor waved her hand, eyes beaming. "You look great Erin!"

"You really do" Feyre echoed, and Erin knew they weren't talking about the clothes, but the wings held high behind her.

"So what do I have to do once they get here?" She asked, trying to flatten her already wind swept hair.

"Oh it'll be kind of boring, talking, politics, this is supposed to be a friendly - trade and relationship building visit - but you never know exactly what kind of questions might come up. But we know that The Captain and The Commander of their aerial legion will be present, and they might be wanting a flying tour" Mor's hand gestured out across the city. "If you're up for it"

"Of course I am" Erin grinned.

"So, once they get here they'll be introduced, then they'll get some time to settle into their rooms before we'll take a walk and show them the city and then eat lunch. The guys will be back for dinner and we'll have a more formal gathering up here at the House of Wind tonight." Feyre explained, and Erin nodded.

Sounded simple enough.

Mor came over and fuzzed over Erin's braid as a few servants filed into the room, she didn't recognize them. Actually she hadn't seen any servants around either the town house, Mor's apartment or the estate, except for the people working on the rebuilding. These people where impeccably dressed and wore bright eyed smiles as Feyre gave them instructions. Erin concluded they probably only used the servants for the more formal events.

Thinking about it, she'd been directly thrown into such a informal court she'd barely registered it, but this, this was the way courts supposedly worked. Politics and scheming and fancy dinners.

As the servants lined up by the door Feyre came back to join them as Mor patted Erin's shoulder, done with the braid. The High Lady glanced to the ornamented clock on the wall and nodded to them.

The Dawn delegation materialized by the window, not a second late.

…

Erin was instantly stunned.

Four beautiful fae materialized by the window, two winged males and two high fae females. Erin's eyes had immediately gone to the winged males, eyes stinging against the sunlight.

The Peregryn males, one looking to be in his mid thirties and the other younger, maybe not much older than her - both rustled their wings, white feathers almost shining in the sunlight.

Erin had never thought wings could look that… beautiful. The younger males wings were completely white against the light, long feathers curved into an elegant tip as he stretched out, and then folded them back behind him. The white was such a stark contrast to his golden skin, showed off very daringly as he only wore a vest and nothing to cover his arms except two golden bands just below his biceps.

She felt a nudge at her side, and tore her eyes away from the male's arm, and then finding herself looking into striking blue eyes.

The younger Peregryn grinned at her, his brow arched as he pointedly crossed his arms over his chest, the muscles below the golden tan playing. Erin ignored the maleness of his grin, and finally noticed the hair.

God he was blond.

She'd never seen someone so light haired before. It almost stung her as she averted her eyes from the platinum light hair that almost matched his wings, just as white as his teeth, still shining at her as he kept that contented grin on his face.

Erin realized one of the females had started speaking, she and Feyre grabbing hands a few steps into the room. The female was middle aged, also with golden skin but dark hair and heavy lashes that went on for miles.

"Welcome, we're so glad you could make it Zeroya" Feyre beamed at the female. She smiled back, not quite as openly, but warm enough.

"Of course, we're looking forward to rebuilding the ties between our two courts. This is just the beginning. Thesand sends his warmest regards, and he's very sorry he couldn't be here in person,"

"Well it seems like we're in good hands anyway," Mor said kindly.

"Yes, of course. This is our Aerial Commander Maxlo," she gestured to the grinning Peregryn male with the outrageously blonde hair. "And that's our Court Secretary Telantes-" the younger female smiled gracefully, even gave them a little bow, brown hair falling across her face. "She has an impeccable memory, she'll remember everything anyone and everyone says for as long as we're here." Zeroya said, a hint of pride in her voice. "And of course you know the Captain of our armies, Remont"

The High Lord's lover and the commander of his armies, Erin looked at the older Peregryn, he bore the same golden complexion as the blonde one, but his wings were light grey, speckled with darker spots and brown, the same brown that was in his hair. He'd had the good sense to put on a jacket.

Mor had told her about all of them the night before, Zeroya, the one taking charge was The High Lord's trusted Advisor.

"Well you all know me and Mor, and this is Erin, our Illyrian Emissary"

Erin twisted in surprise, staring at Feyre. She managed to swallow down her surprise just as the delegation nodded at her, Zeroya's eyes sweeping across her calculatingly.

"I didn't think Illyrian's allowed Females to anything but birth their offsprings" Remont commented, coming up beside Zeroya.

Feyre opened her mouth to object, but Erin beat her to it. "The Illyrians are not _allowing_ me to do anything."

"Oh I see, so they're still just a bunch of close minded brutes with warrior complexes," Remont turned his head to the side, still gazing at her. Erin's lips went into a thin line, she couldn't exactly disagree with that.

"Not all of them," She finally answered, eyes not wavering.

"But still enough," Remont concluded.

"So we've assigned you all a private room here at the House of Wind, so maybe you'd like to settle in and then we'll start off with a tour of the city?" Mor chirped after a long moment of silence.

"Sounds good," Zeroya agreed.

"Meet back here in half an hour then," Feyre said as the servant closest to the door opened it, patiently waiting for the delegation to come to her. Zeroya let her group towards the door, and Erin watched as Maxlo gave her a humorous grin as he passed her, his arm flexing just for a short second.

Erin huffed, pointedly looking away.

God he was _so_ blond.

…

Erin purposely positioned herself on the other side of the group, furthest away from the blonde peregryn as they ventured into the city. Feyre and Zeroya led the group, talking amiably between themselves. Mor was currently occupying both Maxlo and Telantes, the court secretary's eyes quickly darting around the city. Erin noticed that the blonde male had finally put on a jacket.

Remont came up beside her quietly, his steps soft against the cobbled stone. Erin's eyes darted to the wings, trying to memorize the build, the way they moved as he walked. He noticed.

"You've never met a Peregryn before?"

"No, I've lived in Illyria my entire life. Your kind don't usually come traveling through," she said with a wry smile. Actually no one came to Illyria in case they had a damn good reason.

"Oh what a shame, such a wondrous beautiful place as it is. Maybe I should by a summer house there."

"Oh the summers are absolutely stunning, barely even snows," Erin shot back, hiding her surprise. The Captain was nothing like she'd expected. There was a harshness to his tone, but a softness in his eyes that let her know that ice was not meant for her.

"The Peregryn has always tried to keep a distance from Illyrians, we don't want to be associated with that kind of… brutality. The way they treat their females, the way they treat anyone thats even remotely different."

Erin looked at the passing houses. She didn't know what she was supposed to answer, what she was allowed to answer. She didn't dare agree, not if it messed up this newfound friendship between their courts.

"Rhysand is trying to change that," she finally said.

"Trying is not always good enough."

Erin bit her lip. She completely agreed.

She was saved from trying to come up with another diplomatic answer as Mor waved them towards a shop she and the others entered. Erin thankfully ducked into the darling little boutique, suddenly very crowded with seven people, three of them with wings.

Wings that could easily tip something extremely valuable over. She kept that in mind as she hovered by the door, glancing at a row of hand made jewelry, an especially beautiful necklace with a pale blue orb. It almost gleamed like a siphon back at her.

"Didn't think you were the jewelry type, good too know," a voice jested, right beside her ear.

Erin didn't flinch, not as she saw that flash of blonde and white teeth in her peripheral vision, she didn't give him that satisfaction. Instead she flicked her braid back, smiling to herself as smacked him across the jaw.

"Oh I'm not the one here interested in jewelry" she remarked, a quick glance to his now covered arms as he came around to stand beside her.

"The bands? Oh they're just to give the females an excuse as they're marveling over my arms. Like you did, so you're welcome" Blue eyes glittered down at her, small dimples in his cheeks as he grinned at her.

"You're very self assured," she rolled her eyes, even as she reached out to touch the blue stone pendant, mostly to have something to occupy her eyes.

"I have every reason to be," Maxlo shrugged, wing rustling behind him.

"Some females like a little humility in a male"

"Some females, or you?" He huffed, leaning down slightly, damn those shoulders were broad.

"I'm not really into blondes, so it was really more of a tip for future endeavors." She quipped, turning her head to give him a wry grin.

His smile dropped for just a second, and she almost felt bad. Before he leaned up again, snatching the pendant away from her hand.

"Hey!"

"I'm getting this, it'll look good on me, goes well with my eyes."

"Another tip, don't rip something out of her hands if you want her attention. It's quite rude" she grumbled. Mostly annoyed that he'd managed to reach across her shoulder and snatch it away. Maxlo spun the necklace around his finger tauntingly, like he knew it too.

"So many useful tips, I feel like I'm really getting to know you."

"Lovely" she rolled her eyes again. "So aren't you going to pay for that necklace?"

"Yes, yes I am" he turned his chin up, before stalking over to the counter. Erin raised her brows as he actually fished up little pouch of coin from his pocket. He was actually buying that ornamented ladylike little necklace. And he looked quite content about it as he swaggered back, only giving her a little blink as he swept out the door after Zeroya.

…

They ate at a restaurant down by the river, the water glittering prettily at them as they all basked in the sun that warmed the air around them. Erin looked away as Maxlo stretched his wings out behind him on the chair to catch the sun, they gleamed in the sunlight. All of him gleamed, all of him so dazzlingly, annoyingly light.

She shifted away as his wings almost grazed her leg, even if Telantes was seated between them. The secretary huffed and gave his wing a scuff as it grazed her too, and Maxlo chuckled in response. Erin did not dwell on the impressive length of those feathery wings, or the softness of it as it brushed her leg.

"Don't worry" Telantes leaned over to Erin, speaking in a mock-hushed tone "Not all Peregryn's are as arrogant as him. He's a little _special_ " she wiggled her eyebrow playfully at Erin.

"Don't worry, I'm used to arrogant winged males" Erin huffed back, but couldn't help smile at the other female, her eyes deep and knowing.

Maxlo flicked his wing, flinging a wave of dust across their backs, sending both of them into coughs. He only laughed to himself. "Oh sorry, can't help that I'm a little _special_."

One look from Zeroya had both Maxlo and Telantes straightening in their chairs.

After lunch they went to the library.

Erin had really never been that into reading, her father had thought her as a child, but reading wasn't really an acceptable way to pass time in Illyria, and books weren't easy to come by. She didn't really like the idea of sitting still and staring into some papers for too long either.

But the library was absolutely beautiful, even to her. Feyre's eyes danced as she gestured around her, explaining and showing off her favorite places. They stayed on the upper levels, even though Erin could see the library seemed to go on forever, down into the darkness.

A short glance in his direction, she realized Maxlo was just as bored.

Even though she'd barely shifted beside Mor, he was by her other side within a second. The rest of the group was already by the end of the corridor, following Feyre.

"Let's get out of here," he breathed by her ear, warm breath tingling her skin.

"We can't just leave" she hissed back, but Mor's hand found hers, giving it a quick squeeze before she trudged after the rest of the group, giving Erin a quick blink.

Guess that meant she was allowed to go then.

She glanced up at Maxlo, he was tipping back and forth on his toes, excited like a little kid.

"Don't you have responsibilities?" She pursed her lips at him, and he rolled his eyes as he slung an arm around her shoulders, twirling her around.

"We're here to experience The Night Court and Velaris, I don't really see how a dark library is the best way to do so"

Erin was so surprised by the arm around her shoulders, the strong, heavy presence of it, and even more surprised that she didn't freeze up.

She still shook it off though, but it was mostly for show as she followed Maxlo back out into the sunlight. It felt nice actually, being around someone who didn't know her history, didn't tip-toe around her. She'd liked the easiness in his movements as he'd flung his arm around her shoulders, she'd liked his grin as she shrugged it off.

She even liked the way his hair glittered when they entered the sun drenched street outside the library.

"So what now?" He squinted into the light.

"I don't know, it was _you_ who wanted to leave."

"Oh like you weren't bored to death back there in that stuffy library" he cocked his head "Show me your favorite place in the city."

"I don't have one" she shrugged.

"What? How can you not have a favorite place?" He exclaimed, stepping closer as his arms flung out.

"Well I haven't really been here for that long" she admitted into the pavement. "I came here about two months ago from Illyria"

"Oh" his arms fell down. "Well then we'll just have to find one."

…

Erin laughed. "I'm actually impressed, this place is wonderful."

"I know, I'm very impressive" Maxlo grinned into sun, leaning back into the thick beam behind him. Erin rolled her eyes for what felt like the millionth time, but didn't answer as she swung her legs into the air, and looked out across the river.

They were perched on top of one of the high beams of the steel bridge across the Sidra. The water flowing merrily beneath them and the wind playing with her air as she balanced on the beam. She'd tucked her wings in again, marveling at the warmth of them as they'd steamed in the sun during their flight.

"Can i ask you question?"

"Sure, I love attention" Maxlo didn't open his eyes as he basked in the sunlight. At least he kept the jacket on.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty three. How old are you?"

Twenty three, that was young. "I never said I would answer _your_ questions"

"A question for a question, you do know how a conversation works do you? Or do Illyrians just grunt at each other?" He taunted, eyes till closed, not seeing the face she made at him.

"Fine. I'm nineteen" she pondered her next words. "How come you're already Commander if you're so young?"

Maxlo's eyes opened, but looked out across the river, not at her. The first time she'd ever seen him serious. "The previous Commander died in the war against Hybern, he was my teacher at the time. When he passed Remont appointed me Commander."

"Sounds like an honor," Erin breathed.

"One I didn't deserve" blue eyes finally flickered to her "But I intend to."

"You're off to great start, sneaking off and ditching diplomatic missions," she taunted, and he finally grinned back at her.

"So how did you end up as The Night Court's Illyrian Emissary, at only nineteen, when you've only been here two months?"

Erin gnawed on the inside of her cheek. She wondered that too.

"I'm a really fast learner," she finally grinned.

"That's not really an answer, but I'll let it slide for now," he said, and his eyes flickered to her wings for a short second. She tucked them in tighter. The scars were faint, but in the stark sun they would've been visible whites against the dark membrane.

"So, are you really as arrogant as you act, or is it all just pretend?" She asked to keep his eyes off her wings. He chuckled.

"Oh it's not an act, you did see my wings right? And my arms? I know you saw my arms."

"Okay well that's enough from you," she rolled her eyes into the river, but couldn't help a small smile.

"To be honest I haven't really gotten used to the… politics part of this job yet."

"Really? I thought you were a pro, was going to ask for some tips," she snorted.

"That's coming from the Emissary? Isn't that your entire job?" Maxlo jabbed, and his brows narrowed.

"If this is the way I can help make Illyria a better place, then I'll learn."

Maxlo nodded into the sunlight, silence settling between the two of them.

"You're the first Illyrian female I've ever met"

"You and Remont are the first Peregrynes I've ever met"

"You're not quite what I expected," he mused.

"What did you expect?"

"Someone… half wild, half beast, face withered, scarred, barely human. With nails like claws and hair so dirty and tousled it's black."

Erin stared at him, horrified. " _That's_ what you thought Illyrian females look like?"

"Well considering their brute offsprings" Maxlo chuckled and shrugged, just barely ducking away as she swept her legs around, ready to give him a kick that would send him off the beam.

Maxlo shot to his feet, wings sprawling behind him. "I'm glad I was wrong though, if that helps."

"I'm glad I wasn't born in the Dawn Court if that meant being near someone as insufferable as you," she shot back.

"You're comparing my lovely presence to hellish Illyria? That's hurtful" he cocked his head to the side, now hovering in the air in front of her, his wings beating steadily, sending puffs of wind into her face. She couldn't help but watch the bird-like wings as the worked against the air, graceful, slower beats than Illyrian wings.

"So you ready?" he smirked.

"Ready for what?"

"To find out whose the fastest? Illyrians or Peregryn's? I for one have been dying to know how fast those wings of yours can go" his eyes gleamed daringly. Something inside her thrilled at the pure challenge in his eyes.

"I thought those clean feathery things were just for show Maxlo" she sent an unimpressed glance towards his left wing. "Like the rest of you."

"We'll you'll just have to find out for yourself," he leaned forward, perching one arm on either side of her on the iron beam, the rest of his body still in the air. "And call me Max" his breath smelled like peppermint, and she blinked into his innocent blue eyes.

Then he gave her scuff, sending her sprawling across the edge of the beam.

 **AN: Double chapter, as promised. And a new character, hello Max! Azzy- you better watch out, Max is here to steal your girl.**

 **Thanks for all the reviews guys, really makes it worth spending my weekends and nights writing - when I should really be sleeping. You're the best.**


	12. Wind

**Chapter 12: Wind**

 _Mor:_

"Okay, they're officially late," Mor hissed under her breath to Feyre, the two of them hovering outside the dining room at the House of Wind.

Erin and the blonde Peregryn, Maxlo, hadn't been seen since the library. And everyone was already gathered and ready to eat, Feyre had quickly suggested a glass of champagne to buy them some time. Mor had feeling the dawn delegation was just as thankful for the extra time, also waiting for their last member.

"I know, I'm starting to get worried," Feyre glanced towards Cassian, who was standing with Rhys and talking to Remont by one of the open windows. The information that Erin was off with the Peregryn Commander still hand't been uttered out loud, but Mor knew that little piece of information would drop any minute now.

"I'm sure they're fine," Mor said, even as she started regretting the decision to wave Erin away with the blonde commander. "I thought it seemed like a good idea at the time, to get on their good side."

"It was, still is Mor," Feyre clapped her shoulder. "I'm sure they just lost track of time."

"Yeah," Mor hung her head, looking towards Cassian. That's exactly the thing she was afraid of.

"Urgh, this is so like Maxlo, couldn't he wait until after dinner to seduce the little Illyrian. I'm hungry," Telantes voice was quiet enough to only be meant for Zeroya, who sitting beside her on the ottoman and giving the younger female a stern glance in response. But Mor knew everyone in the room heard, especially the two Illyrian males who simultaneously froze.

Mor sighed, downing the rest of her champagne in one drag.

"I'm sure they're just late" Mor chirped as she followed Feyre into the room again, a new bottle of champagne ready at her hand. Azriel had already been sitting at the table, talking to Elain as his eyes turned to Telantes and Zeroya, mouth in a thin line.

"Sure, and I won't remember this tomorrow," Telantes rolled her eyes an straightened out her beautiful satin dress.

"We could just start without them, they knew the time" Remont offered, also looking famished. Mor was inclined to agree, not just because her stomach was rumbling because she wanted something to occupy the two Illyrian males both glaring at her. Feyre seemed to be thinking the same thing, because one look between her and Rhysand and he gestured his hand towards the servants. A cue to bring in the food.

Mor was not surprised as Cassian turned up beside her after she'd refilled all the glasses, and her own and discarded the empty bottle.

"Where exactly is Erin?" He scowled into her ear, and Mor schooled her features into nonchalance before she turned around.

"With Maxlo. She's showing him the city, which was the whole point of this meeting. To build ties between our two courts."

Telantes passed by the two of them, and snorted.

Cassian's ears turned red. "And why is Erin off building ties alone with Maxlo? And who the fuck is Maxlo?"

"Keep your voice down" Mor hissed back, her fingers digging into his arm. "He's the new Peregryn Commander. He's young, they seemed to hit it off I didn't see the harm in-"

"You _let_ her go off alone with him?"

"Cassian" a warning voice beside them as Feyre swept up. "She's a grown female, she can make those kinds of decisions for herself."

"But-" Cassian fumed, eyes darting between the two of them.

Mor was just about to agree with her High Lady as Elain called from the window. She stood beside Azriel, who's eyes were locked on something outside.

"I think we found them" Elain called, as they all swept over to the windows. Only Telantes remained by the table with a frown.

Mor didn't realize what they were looking at first, until a flickering at the edge of her vision made her turn her head, together with the rest of them.

Two pair of shadows darted through the sky, barely above the rooftops as they ducked and swayed between the higher houses at an impossible speed. One small and dark, with quickly moving wings and one larger, white wings beating at a slower rhythm as they raced through the city.

Mor smiled as Erin seemed to catch a wind, and and without moving her wings simply sailed past the Peregryn, gaining several wingspans on him within seconds.

Mor glanced towards Cassian, his eyes locked on the race, his mouth slightly open. Mor knew from that look that they were fast, faster than normal if Cassian was speechless.

She dared a peek at the Shadowsinger, just at the same time as Elain glanced up at him, they both turned away at the same time. But Mor had already caught that stunned look on his face.

Mor had however not anticipated the knowing smile on Elain's lips as she turned back to the race.

…

 _Erin_

They where neck to neck now. She could practically feel him panting down her back, eager to pass.

Stupid blonde Peregryn. Who did he think he was?

Once she'd regained her senses as he pushed her off that beam, she'd shot off, not waiting for him to catch up. She could still hear his laugh as she leapt across the bridge and into the sun. And they'd been on each others heels since then.

The rules of the race seemed rather foggy, the one in the lead decided the way, and if he was first he always went towards the wind, making it harder for her. If she was in the lead she ducked down low, between houses and pillars and trees that he couldn't fit through.

She was having the time of her life.

She twirled through the air, only for show and heard Max chuckling behind her through the singing wind.

"Showoff!"

They passed the clocktower, both of them looking at each other at the same time.

"We're late" She called across the wind, not slowing down.

"Well then, first one back?" He yelled back, eyes on the towering House of Wind across the city. Separated by houses, mansions, streets and the Sidra river.

Erin but a damped on her thrill as she rounded the clocktower, sweeping lower to avoid the stronger winds. Max followed, coming up over her, his shadow cascading across the river, now straight below them.

His wings brushed tauntingly agains hers, and she glanced up just in time to see the wolfish grin on his face.

Erin flipped around, mirroring his grin right back. His brows rose as she reached for him.

Her hand closed around the front of his jacket, and in the middle of a beat, his wings only half sprawled - it was easy to tug him down. The shock on his face was enough to make it worth all of it as she pulled them both straight into the river.

The water was cold as ice as they plunged down, her hand still closed around his jacket, making sure his wings were completely encased in the icy water before she let him go, and made for the surface.

"What the hell!" He roared as they both broke through the surface, he sprayed water across her face, but she only laughed.

"Whats the problem, cant stand a little cold?" She called, already swimming for the edge of the river. Max still spluttered behind her, but she heard the heavy splashes of his wings as he followed. His first mistake was not tucking them in as he swam, and they slowed him down considerably.

She'd already climbed the edge and was shaking the water off as she glanced down at him. The water slid easily of her membranous wings, leaving them only slightly damp in a matter of seconds. Just like she'd planned.

"See you back at the house" She grinned back at him, leaning across the edge, just as he was trying to get out of the icy water. She only needed to give him a slight scuff to send him back into the river with a loud splash.

She took off fast enough that she couldn't recognize the curses he threw after her.

…

She was almost at the House of Wind when she finally heard heavy beats behind her. She glanced around her shoulder, seeing him working vigorously to catch up. She'd been right, the water hadn't been as easy to shake off those feathers as it had been for her, and had slowed him down considerably. And judging by the killer look in his eyes as he glared at her, he knew that she knew.

She laughed, pushing herself even further, even though she was a little impressed he'd caught up. She aimed for the top of the House of Wind, the roof of the highest tower, thinking she probably shouldn't hurtle straight into the dining hall.

"You're dead you know that!" Max voice carried over the wind, she could almost heart his teeth shuttering in the cold wind.

"Can't hear you, you're too far away!" She called back, even as he gained several wingspans on her.

She thought she heard him cursing something about Illyrians, but concentrated on the last yards before her, the wind was not on her side and her wings protested as she made them beat faster, pushing them to the very limit.

She crashed straight into the roof of the building, only seconds before Max. Bricks cracked under them, a few even sliding of the roof. Erin was grateful there was nothing but nature below the tower.

The impact had shattered through her body, but the thick jacket kept her from actually getting hurt, even though her whole body ached terribly- she smiled straight down at Max, clinging to the roof below her.

The growl dropped from his face the moment he looked back, and that white flash of teeth greeted her.

"So is running buildings something that run in your family?" A voice carried over the wind, from the tower to their left, the open aired dining hall. Erin couldn't see them from here, but she recognized Rhysand's voice.

Damn, they were officially late. She looked down at her still wet tunic and jacket, didn't want to imagine how her hair looked. Late and far from presentable.

"Well I'm starving" Max laughed, pushing himself of the roof and leaping into the window below them. Erin followed suit, her back protesting as she flared her wings before dropping into the room. A guest room, by the looks of it. Erin frowned at her wet clothes, using her fingers to comb through her hair as they started down the stairs. Max chucked his wet jacket off in front of her, bronze skin gleaming underneath.

"If this was all some elaborate scheme to get me to take my clothes off, you know all you have to do is ask," he blinked over his shoulder. Erin groaned, tugging at a particularly messy spot of her hair.

"This was your idea, not mine."

"I was not the one who dragged us into the water, that was all you," he gave her such a male smile she could only snort in return.

"Erin!" Mor's voice called as they came down the stairs, running out into the hallway that connected the two towers togethe. She came in through the connecting door to great them, stopping instantly as she took in the two of them- wind swept, wet, and still out of breath. Max's face showed no sign of remorse as he swung the jacket across his shoulder, the bands around his well sculpted arm glittering.

"Lead the way to the food!"

"You might want to change first," Mor raised her brows at him, then at Erin.

"We're already late, it'll be rude to keep you waiting any longer."

"Do whatever you wan't, _we're_ going to go change." Mor grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the other staircase. Max's brows rose as he watched them disappear, Erin gave him an apologetic look across her shoulders before they ducked out of view.

She waited until they were out of earshot. "I'm sorry Mor, I didn't realize it was so late. I understand this seems irresponsible and like I didn't take it seriously but I did I swear I-"

"I know Erin, I'm not mad at you, neither is Feyre. The mission was to bring our two courts closer together and you guys seemed to have… gotten closer, so thats a win? Right?" Mor pushed her into a room, and headed for the closet. "I keep my spare clothes here"

"Still, I'm sorry," her wings sagged, the thrill from the race, the wind in her face and the pounding through her bones was gone, replaced by a heaviness deep inside her.

"You don't have to apologize Erin, you deserve to have some fun. Now change before Cassian sees you like this."

"Like what? He's seen me look worse" Much worse.

"Just change," Mor practically threw the dress at her. Erin was just about to protest that she didn't think one of Mor's dresses would fit her. But the blue velvet fabric in her hands was warm and soft. She folded the dress out, realizing it had a low cut back that would easily accommodate her wings, and long sleeved arms. It wasn't horrible.

They heard his footsteps even before he banged on the door.

"Erin? Erin are you in there?" Cassian bellowed, both she and Mor grimacing.

"She's changing, don't come in!" Mor shouted back, completely unnecessary since he was just on the other side of the door, but it seemed like her temper was flaring. Erin didn't comment on it as Mor gestured for her to hurry. She pulled her tunic off, just as they heard Cassian huffing outside, the door creaking as if he was leaning towards it.

"I'll be done in a second you could just go eat" Erin said, one arm around her small chest as she stepped into the dress, Mor only allowed her a moment of decency as she shucked the wet clothes into the corner before helping Erin get it across her shoulders.

"Erin" he sounded relieved "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am" she said back, her voice softer. Mor's hands dove for her hair, brush already in hand.

"Your wings?" Cassian's vocie hesitated, and Mor's fingers stilled in her hair for just a second. Erin took a deep breath, ignoring the aching in her back and wings. It had been worth it.

"They're fine, I'm fine. I was just trying to be a good guide, make them like us."

"Well you seem to have done very well" Mor chuckled behind her.

"Wait what?" Cassian growled again, the door creaking. "What did you mean by that?"

"I'm just saying The Commander seemed very taken with Erin" Mor sighed as she finally swung the door open, Cassian glaring at her, Mor simply smiled innocently back. Erin cleared her throat.

"I think I've kept everyone long enough don't you?"

Cassian softened further as they walked back to the dining hall, Erin wondered if he saw that she was happy, that this day had made her feel like herself again. Even though the dress swooshed uncomfortably around her legs as they walked.

She hadn't mentioned that she'd never worn a dress before to Mor, and din't want to bring it up, not when she'd already messed everything up and made everyone wait. So she pulled at the dress, the stretchy, soft material hugging her hips, too narrow hips next to Mor's lush curves.

She quickly swept up to Cassian as they entered the dining hall, putting some distance between herself and Mor, her self esteem not ready for that comparison quite yet.

"Ah finally, can we eat now?" Telantes exclaimed the moment they stepped through the door, she was already sitting by the table, Max beside her, leaning backwards on the chair, a grin growing on his face.

He'd changed his clothes, once again clad in a sleeveless shirt that showed those sculpted arms that he pointedly crossed on his chest. His eyes slowly went over her body, and she raised her brows at him as he finally smirked at her face, one eyebrow wiggling suggestively.

Cassian cleared his throat beside her, and Erin started. Max seemed to notice Cassian for the first time, and immediately straightened in his chair at the glowering look he received from Cassian.

Erin's hand shot out, grabbing Cassian's arm, he turned around, eyes still darting towards Max. Mor left them by the door, as everyone turned to the table to find their plates.

"Don't be mad, okay?" She said silently "I did all of this one my own free will, and I'm fine. I'm very good actually," she said, her voice a low whisper, only meant for Cassian as the rest of the party started talking amongst themselves.

"I'm not mad" his eyes flickered to the hand on his arm. A casual touch, a casual touch she'd instigated.

"Don't be mad at Max either" she said pointedly, and Cassian's face dropped.

"Max? You're calling him _Max_? What's next, friendship bracelets?"

"I'm not much for jewelry" she shrugged, but Cassian rolled his eyes.

"I'll behave, okay?"

"Thank you" she smiled faintly as they finally went over to join the others by the table. Telantes waved from her seat, patting the chair beside her vigorously. Erin had no choice but to slide down beside the Secretary that looked her up and down.

"You clean up nice, and fast"

"Thanks, you look lovely" Erin answered, truthfully. Telantes peach colored gown looked innocently good on her, a stark contrast to her cunning eyes that darted around the table.

"Don't I look lovely too?" Max smirked, leaning back on his chair, looking at her behind Telantes.

"You look the same as before, except less wet" she rolled her eyes at her still empty plate. Telantes chuckled, even though her mouth was already filled with food.

"Ah no, I don't" he demanded, and she finally gave in and glanced at him again, his chin turned up, blazing smile almost blinding her.

The blue pendant glittered around his neck. It sat high on his neck, like a collar.

Erin let out a loud snort before she could contain herself. And Max beamed at her.

"You're right, it does match your eyes,"

"I know, I look pretty" Max mumbled, content with himself as he dug into the food. Between them Telantes paused her eating long enough glance up at Max.

"Well it was about time that someone put a collar on you,"

Max and Telantes fell into what seemed like familiar bickering, and Erin reached for a plate of fruit. Pain instantly soared from the middle of her back, out into her wings and arm, and she froze halfway over the table, biting her lip to keep quiet.

The pain eased slightly, and she took a deep breath before slowly leaning forward and pulling the plate towards her. Limbs moving stiffly as she started loading things onto her plate. She scanned the things closest to her, bread, fruit and vegetables. She was starving, but she didn't dare reach for anything else, didn't think she could handle that pain.

So she loaded four rolls onto her plate, devouring one within seconds. She drowned it down with water, ignoring the glass of champagne sitting untouched beside it.

As she downed the water, she finally let herself scan the room, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Feyre, Rhysand, Remont and Zeroya in deep conversation at the far end of the table. Beside Feyre sat Elain, smelling amiable at the group but keeping quiet, and beside her…

The Shadowsinger had barely touched his food, his eyes on something across the table. Erin followed his line of vision, until she realized he was looking at Max and Telantes, still in some kind of argument beside her.

She felt it, in her bones, as the Spymaster turned towards her.

She knew he was watching her as she stiffly set her glass down, trying to make her movements natural and fluent, even though her back barked in pain behind her at every movement. She picked up another roll of bread, but her stomach suddenly felt queasy.

Two days, she hadn't seen him in two days. Not since he'd showed up in her bedroom. Somehow it felt like such a long time ago, she'd flown, she'd done things, done things that made her feel like herself again.

And yet as she tried to ignore that demanding stare, she could practically feel his presence the same way she had when he'd been only inches from her in her bedroom. Could pick his scent out from everyone in this room within seconds. And now, once she had, she couldn't get it out of her head.

Why did he smell so good? Was it some kind of perfume? She'd never heard of an Illyrian male wearing perfume. Max, now _him_ she could imagine wearing perfume.

"I did not lose, she cheated," Max exclaimed, and Erin's head snapped to him, glad to find something to keep her from thinking of the Shadowsinger's scent.

"You pushed me of the bridge!" She shot back, Telantes brows shooting up. Cassian's head turned from further down the table.

"He did what?!"

"You've got wings don't be such a baby" Max said, challenge clear in his eyes as they glittered at her. Erin had to be a little impressed that he dared say that, especially as Cassian fumed two seats down.

"Well at least I'm not afraid of a little water" she said evenly.

"You tried to drown me"

"You pushed me, I'd say that's even. Which means I won."

"Hey-"

"Don't be such a baby about it," she interrupted him, but with a grin. She couldn't exactly be mad at him, not when he was still wearing that necklace. He huffed, but she could see those dimples in his cheeks as he reached for his champagne.

Erin kept quiet most of the night from that on, only trying to answer nicely whenever Telantes offered something her way.

As dessert came around, her head had started aching too, the pain from her back having crept up to her neck and seeping into her scull. She tried to lift her arms, but even shifting them sent waves of agony so strong she saw stars.

Erin stared at the beautiful apple tart on her plate, the little piece of baked goods sending heavenly waves smelling of cinnamon and apple into her nose. She bit the inside of her lip, but didn't dare shift her arms again.

She was so tired, the pain so consuming she felt like she would pass out any second.

"I'm going to the ladies room" she said silently to Mor, who gave her a nod before Erin stood up stiffly.

She bit down the agonizing waves as she tried to walk normally towards the door, hoping everyone was already too intoxicated to notice her stalking, stiff steps, or her low hanging wings.

She made it to the other side of the hallway before she collapsed. Her knees hitting the marble stone beneath her with an bang that probably would have shaken her if she hadn't already been in such pain. She barely felt the impact, not as she dragged herself to the nearest door. She just had to get out of the hallway, then she could rest for a bit-

She almost cried out as she reached for the door handle, and then toppled into the room. A little drawing room she dimly noted. Her eyes scanned for some kind of couch or bed as she dragged herself across the threshold. She found nothing as she realized she wouldn't be able get onto it anyway, and fell down onto the stone floor.

She breathed heavily, riding through the first wave of pain after letting her muscles relaxing slightly, then she kicked the door closed with her foot.

Rest. Just a moment of rest. Then she'd be fine.

She closed her eyes, imagining the stone cold floor was a warm bed, that the cold seeping through the dress was Neira's soothing hands. Patting her hair like she'd always done when Erin got her female pains. Neira had never left her side, not once since Erin had come to Ironvale, her first cycle only a few months after she got there.

She froze as the door creaked, behind her, she hadn't heard anyone coming close. She tried kicking the door close, her foot collided with a shoe.

Even if she could move enough to turn around, she didn't need to, not when she could pick his scent out of a line up.

"Get out", she hissed, hating that her back was against him, the low cut dress exposing most of the skin on her back.

"You can't move," Azriel said, his voice so infuriatingly soft.

" _Get out,_ " She repeated through gritted teeth.

"I'll get Mor," his feet shifted.

"No!" She exclaimed, body twitching, sending another wave of throbbing pain through her. She managed to contain her grunt, but her body doubled inwards. Eyes closed to keep the tears that burned behind her eyes to keep from falling, she only heard him as he dropped down beside her. "Not Mor, don't get anyone. Just leave," She said, her voice trembling. If he went to get Mor, than Cassian would know, and he'd never let her out of his sight. He could get Elain, but then she coudn't winnow so that wouldn't be much of a point.

"I can't just leave you like this," He murmured, and she hated the softness of it once more. She dared open her eyes slightly, finding the shadowsinger crouching beside her, his hand pulling back, like he'd been about to touch her, but then changed his mind.

"I just need to rest for a few minutes, then I'll be fine."

"No you wont, you over exhausted your wings, you're going to need a lot more time than that. I know, I've been where you are."

"I don't need your help" she snarled.

"I know you don't need me."

Erin breathed through the aching, barely registering his words. She just wanted him to leave, hated that he was here to see her like this. Again.

She didn't dare shift, but opened her eyes fully and stared at the Shadowsinger defiantly, dusky eyes looked back at her, his features set like stone.

"I am not leaving unless you let me get someone else," He said, voice tight. She only growled in response, to tired to actually form any kind of coherent words back.

"I'll take that as a no then? On the getting someone else?"

Erin only glared at him, her mind was starting to grow foggy. Sleep beckoning as a sweet relief from the pain. She could just go to sleep here, on this nice, cold floor. If she went to sleep the Shadowsinger would go away.

Yes. Sleep. Sleep was nice.

Erin closed her eyes, letting the shadowy male beside her fade away. Go back to whatever cave he came from.

"Okay, that's it. I'm sorry." She faintly recognized his voice, but didn't have the energy to open her eyes. Didn't want to see the pity in those eyes anyway.

Smooth, careful hands slid under her knees, around her back. She hissed at the soreness as the hands pulled her up.

Then she was wrapped into misty shadows, she dimply felt them caressing her neck, her face, her hands. They smelled like him, cedar wood and night and wind and air. She sighed, too tired to fight it she settled into it. There was warmth, and softness, and it was so, so nice, so much better than the floor.

"-better than the floor" she mumbled, turning her head into the warmth, towards the racing thundering.

"Thank you," his voice rumbled, above her, so close.

Suddenly the air cleared, a wind picking up around them. Erin didn't have the energy to pick her head up from his shoulder. His arms stayed steady as his wings beat behind him, Erin listened to that thundering by her ear, concentrated on it.

Fast beats, too fast. Erin didn't realize that it was his heart until the air thinned, and warmth enveloped her once more. If she'd been fully awake, she might have wondered how he opened her window without her noticing, or why his heart beat so fast against her cheek. Instead, she only mumbled,

"Why do you smell so good? Do you use perfume?"

"Sorry?" She felt him still.

"Why do you smell so good" she repeated sleepily. "It's annoying"

"I'll try to stop"

"Good" she mumbled, even though she turned into his scent once more, breathing. He didn't move, and she dimly felt those warm hands tightening ever so slightly around her.

 _Azriel:_

He tried to move his feet, to walk her over to the bed, put her down on that soft mattress that would make her immensely more comfortable.

But he couldn't, couldn't make himself move as she nestled her head into his chest, her coppery hair gracing his neck. Her scent caressing his nose. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his thundering heart, thinking it beat so loudly it would probably wake her.

Finally, he made himself walk over to her bed, the still unmade bed, also smelling like her, like the forest, the the clear air after a rain, like the wind that called from far away.

Her scent, a faraway wind that kept calling, kept beckoning. His hands tightened around her, jaw softly, so softly grazing the top of her head.

Erin didn't stir as he finally set her down into the bed, carefully putting her on her side to give those graceful wings plenty of space. Then he swept the blanket over her, tucking it in tight.

Her scent was like the wind, strong, wild, daring and unpredictable. And like the wind, she couldn't be caught, was not supposed to, no matter how much it called to him.

She deserved to be free.

He turned around and walked towards to the window without looking back. Fading into shadows the moment he felt the clear air of the night.

 **AN: Hi guys! Been very busy with work but managed to scrounge this little thing up for you. I know you might have wanted some kind of caveman showdown between Azzy and Max, but let's face it, thats not Azriel's style. At least not yet…**

 **So glad to hear you liked the last chapter, always makes me happy to read your reviews. So happy that i gave you your first Azriel point of view! So keep going! Have a great weekend with lots of Sassy Azzy dreams /Facetaker**


	13. Leathers

**Chapter 13: Leathers**

Erin could barely get out of bed for two days. She only got out to drag herself to the bathroom and relieve herself. And after every trip her body screamed and protested in pain.

Mor fussed over her, sending for Madja, who in turn scolded Erin something terrible. Almost made Erin feel like a little kid again. But then the healer had finally given her something for the pain, and told her to be more careful, but that her wings would be fine, just over exhausted. The muscles protesting after not having been used for so long.

Elain came to keep her company too, she didn't scold her, only said that she'd looked very graceful out there. She always came with food, probably afraid Erin would starve to death if she couldn't go out to get her own food. The soup Mor had made her the previous day still sitting untouched by her bed.

Cassian had scolded her even worse than Madja, but he'd given in quickly, even admitted he'd been glad too se her win over that pompous peregryn commander. His words, not hers. Not that she disagreed.

Mor had told her when she woke the day after, that Max had looked worried when she hadn't been back for dinner, asking to see her when they'd said she was sick. He hadn't been allowed too of course, but Erin liked the thought of it anyway.

And during those two days in bed, she did her very best not to think of the Shadowsinger.

She failed miserable of course. It was killing her that she couldn't remember what had happened after he'd scooped her into his arms. She remembered his warmth, his scent, the scent that had still lingered in her bedroom the next morning. She remembered the sound of a thundering heart.

The rest was a foggy blur in her mind.

She hated that he'd been the one again, the one to save her, the one to see her in that vulnerable state. It made that thing inside her curl, made her push through the pain.

The first day out of bed, she went directly to Feyre. She apologized profusely for her behavior, for being late, for acting so childish, for destroying the roof. Everything. Her face burned through the whole ordeal. How could she have been so stupid, acting like a child, when she'd finally gotten a task, something to do?

The High Lady had almost laughed, waved away her never ending wave of apologies. Told Erin that she'd done exactly what was expected, better than any of the rest of them. She'd shown Maxlo the city, she'd built a friendship, she'd even gotten them an invitation to the Dawn Court.

Erin had almost swayed with relief. A stone falling from her chest. She hadn't messed anything up.

She'd walked out feeling strange, the High Lady had thanked her, for not really doing anything, for destroying a roof, for not thinking. Feyre had insisted she'd come with them when they went to the Dawn Court, the visit was still over a month away, but Erin had nodded dimly.

Things went back to normal during the next two weeks, she helped Elain, helped Feyre or Mor when they asked. Started training with Cassian again, her wings returning to normal.

Everything turning back to normal, even as that thing inside her curled. The days grew close to _the_ day, the date she dreaded.

It was the day before, both she and Cassian perched on the roof, currently taking an impromptu break, both lying down on the padded carpet, tanning their faces in the sun. She wondered if he knew, if he remembered. She'd pondered how to bring it up for days, but hadn't come up with anything, and as usual, she decided to dive right in.

"It's her birthday tomorrow," she blurted out, into the sky. She knew he knew who she meant as his breath skipped a beat.

"I know" he finally said, both of them still staring at the sky, the sun burning her eyes. At least she thought it was the sun.

"I-" she swallowed, her throat suddenly dry "I usually fly to their grave alone" as she had for five years in a row. And four years before with her mother, visiting her father.

"I understand" Cassian said silently, and she turned around. She'd already propped her jacket behind her head as a makeshift pillow, giving her wings some space, and the thick material grazed her cheek.

"Do you want to come with me?"

Cassian blinked into the sky, one arm behind his head.

"Yes" he breathed "If you want me too"

"She was your mother too" Erin shrugged, hesitating. "I think she would have liked it, seeing us together."

Cassian didn't answer, his lips pressed into a tight line. Erin understood, and fell silent too.

"Rhysand or Mor can winnow us into the forest outside Southshield, and then we'll fly from there."

"Okay," Erin didn't try to oppose, flying the entire way from Velaris to Southshield would have taken days. And she was sure Cassian wouldn't let her put her wings through that, not after her little stunt with Max. And she knew just the thought of her being back there, in Illyria, made him uncomfortable.

They stayed in the sun for a while, maybe both of them needed some time to settle, to prepare. Then Rhysand came and got Cassian, and Erin decided to go see Mor. They decided to met back at the Town House early the next morning.

Erin slept badly that night, never really falling fully asleep. Old dreams, old feelings creeping back into her mind as she tossed and turned. Images of bloody fingers in the snow, her mother's tear stained eyes, coppery hair falling into a growing pool of blood.

…

Erin was up before the break of dawn, and as she went to use the bath in the hallway, she found a package outside her door. She picked it up in surprise, the canvas bag heavy and soft in her hands. She went back into her room, and unfolded the package on her bed.

Erin's chest caved in as the leathers sprawled out across her sheets. The thick, black leathers such a stark contrast against the whiteness of her sheets. The leather was soft, but still unworn, that's how she knew how pricey it must have been.

She pulled the tight pants across her hips, the tunic like top, and the heavy, fur lined vest above it. The set had been exquisitely tailored, fitting her like a glove, padded with softer material around her knees and elbows, making it easy to move.

She stepped into the window, just as the sun broke across the rooftops. She stared at herself, stared at the Illyrian who beamed back at her in the dusty mirror.

She flared her wings, and marveled at the way the leather hugged her hips, the way the vest gave her shoulder a few extra inches, making her look bigger. The boots gave her extra height too, making her stand taller.

She pulled up he hood of the vest, easily letting it cloud her face. She grinned, Elain had definitely thought of everything.

And by everything, she meant everything.

She took the blades that rested beside her bed, and carefully slid them into the husks of the back of the vest, fashioned so they didn't disturb her wings, but made them easy to carry and reach. The tip of the thin blades went over her shoulders, and she grinned into the mirror.

She looked like an Illyrian warrior.

As she pulled the blades from her back, one fluid motion, she felt like one too.

No. She was definitely not the same little girl that left Southshield five years ago.

…

Erin felt so good about herself as she made her way over to the town house, she even stopped to practice the motion of bringing her blades out as swiftly as possible several times. Just for the fun of it. She was practically giggling to herself as she finally put them back behind her as she reached the town house. It was still outrageously early and she fished up the key she'd gotten, letting herself in as quietly as possible.

She twirled the little blade she usually put in her boot in her hand as she walked through the hallway. The house was silent and she kept her steps soft against the floor to keep from waking any of the house's still sleeping inhabitants.

The kitchen was just as quiet as the rest of the house, for maybe the first time since she'd come to Velaris. But she knew there was food somewhere, and her stomach was rumbling loudly, reminding her that she hadn't eaten much the evening before.

She knew the flight she had ahead of her, and she wasn't going to to it on an empty stomach.

As quietly as possible she started rummaging through the kitchen, careful not to disturb anything in case Elain, or the handmaidens had some kind of system. Neira had always hated it when she moved things around in the kitchen back in Ironvale.

She'd found some cheese, fruits and some dried meat to pack for later, but could not remember where Elain usually put all that bread she always baked. Stomach screaming, she reached up to look in the cabinets while digging into an apple.

She dropped the apple when _his_ voice came out of nowhere.

"If you're looking for the bread, it's in the cabinet on the other side, by the door."

The apple tumbled to the floor as Erin let out a yelp of surprise and spun around.

"Shit."

"Sorry, didn't know you where going to be here" Azriel's gaze was on the now ruined apple by the table. His scent reached her just as the shadows thinned around him. He must have done his shadow-thingy and gone straight into the kitchen, she resisted the urge to growl as her heart finally slowed down.

"Do you even _know_ how to use a door?"

"Maybe, but I'm so old so I might not remember" he shrugged, finally turning his eyes on her, they widened slightly. Erin remembered she'd called him ancient that time in her bedroom, the last time they'd actually talked talked, when she hadn't been half delirious in pain.

"What are you doing here?" She straightened under his gaze, ignoring the apple on the floor, trying to regain some composure.

"I should ask you that" he nodded at all of her. "You look-" he fell silent, eyes lingering on the blades sticking up behind her.

"I'm meeting Cassian here" she said shortly, turning her head away from Azriel. Tried not to think of his arms as he'd picked her up, the warmth of him against the wind.

"Elain asked to meet me here" he said softly, and she noticed that he hadn't moved from the spot he'd appeared, on the other side of the table.

"Great" she hummed, finally moving her feet. She felt his gaze on her as she went over to get the bread, finding it in the cabinet by the door, just as he'd said.

"How are your wings?" he asked, hesitantly. She froze, of course he'd ask that.

"Fine" she bit out, wings flaring in annoyance behind her as she walked back to the counter. She wasn't actually irritated with him, she was mad that he had a way of always finding her at her most vulnerable. And she was irritated that she barely remembered half of the encounter.

And there was no way she was asking him.

She realized he'd grown quiet, so quiet he might as well have left the room if she hadn't felt his presence on the other side of the table.

"If you want a sandwich you'll have to make it yourself" she said, a sting to her voice.

"Uh- that's fine" he sounded distracted. She turned slightly in surprise, half-made sandwich still on the counter.

His eyes flipped up to meet hers just as she turned, a faint blush on his cheeks. Erin's brows rose, was he _blushing?_ Had he- she swallowed. Had he been looking at her? She quickly turned back to the counter, letting her wings down.

 _Had_ he been looking at her? She suddenly felt very exposed, realizing just how little the tight leathers hugging her hips left to the imagination.

She blushed into the butter. That thing inside her stirred to life. She knew she shouldn't, but she felt herself give into it as it thrilled. Thrilled at the thought of the shadowsinger blushing, blushing because of her. Thrilled at the thought of regaining some kind of ground, of being the one in control.

She wanted to see it again. The thing rejoiced inside her as she sprawled her wings, once again exposing her back as she sauntered across the room, right past him, her wings almost brushing against his leather clad shoulder. His head turned ever so slightly, and she thought she saw his brows rising.

The apple she'd almost forgotten lay on the floor, half of it smushed and not looking very edible anymore. She smiled it anyway as she slowly bent down to capture it.

The thing inside her danced as Azriel let out something like a cough, his chair scraping against the floor.

She bit her lip as she ignored the squishy feel of the apple in her hand, and stood up, turning back to the Shadowsinger, one brow arching.

"Do you need some water or something?" She said to him, now standing up. She found him standing up too, moved to the other side of the table. Seriously? He'd actually moved away from her?

"I'm fine thanks" He said, the muscles in his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"Oh okay" she said, voice dripping with sweetness. Azriel's eyes narrowed, seeming darker then before as they followed her walking back to the counter. She had the very distinct feeling that he new exactly what she was doing, and he wasn't liking it.

But she loved it. That thing inside her was laughing, and made it hard for her to contain the little grin on her face. This felt good, having him being uncomfortable for one.

She felt very content with herself as she threw the apple away, and grabbed her sandwich in one hand and taking a big bite immediately.

"So what do you think of my new fighting leathers? My first one's actually," she grinned at him, still on the other side of the table, now leaning against the wall. His eyes did not leave hers, did not travel down to her body.

"Looks dangerous with those blades that close to your wings" he commented, crossing his arms.

"It's fine, the hilts are well built, you don't need to worry about my wings," a little edge crept into her voice, a line drawn. She knew he noticed, because that muscle in his jaw flickered again, but his eyes softened.

"Well in that case it looks good you, you seem more comfortable in it than the dress" his eyes flickered to her, a challenge. She swallowed her bite, throat suddenly dry.

"I had nowhere to put the blades in the dress" she shot back.

"I see"

"Oh you do" before she could stop herself, and rolled her eyes.

Azriel was silent for a beat, and the both stared at each other. Erin refused to let it phase her, refused to let it phase her that he was five centuries older than her, that he had those constant shadows dancing around him. Refused to let it phase her that he'd carried her back to her bedroom in his arms, and put her into the bed himself and tucked her in carefully.

There was no other way, she'd woken up in the bed and she hadn't gotten there herself. But she refused to let the thought of the handsome Shadowsinger in her room, carrying her into bed, rustle her as she met his stare head on. The thing inside her bared it's teeth and dug it's heels in, ready to stand it's ground.

Azriel's mouth curved upwards in a smile that made her stomach flutter. A smile that she hadn't ever seen on him before. A devilish, knowing smile.

"You had some very interesting thoughts that night by the way," he hummed, arms still crossed as he kept leaning against the wall. She knew instantly what night he meant of course, and she hated the way his eyes glittered at her.

"Oh?" She gave him an uninterested shrug, digging into her sandwich again.

"Oh yes, we had a very informative little chat. You're much nicer when you're half asleep"

Erin forced herself to keep chewing. Only glancing up at him, the air of nonchalance.

"And the answer is no, I do not use perfume" he grinned.

Erin coughed, almost swallowing her food in the wrong pipe.

"But it's always nice to hear that you smell good. So thank you" he grinned triumphantly straight at her. Erin managed to swallow down her growl with the food.

Shit. Had she really said that? She couldn't remember, but she remembered she thought he smelled nice, really nice. Like he did now, like he always did.

Fuck.

"You also thought that I was more comfortable than the floor, not as high phrase as smelling nice but I'll still take it," he shrugged. Erin ground her teeth, all the swagger she'd felt before had died away, giving way for annoyance, annoyance and embarrassment.

Now she was the one blushing. And he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it.

"Do you need some water or something?" He cocked his head to the side, copying her words from earlier. "You look a little flushed."

She bit back a snarl.

Sounds from upstairs saved her from having to answer, and they both whipped their heads to the ceiling at the soft noise. Cassian or Elain was waking up by the sounds of it. Azriel was gazing at her when she turned back to him, a playful smile still on his lips, wished she still hadn't thrown away that squished apple, then she could have thrown it at him to wipe that smirk of his face.

She turned her back to him and took another bite of her sandwich, making a show of ignoring him completely as she listened to the sounds upstairs. Cassian, judging by the heavier footsteps.

She ignored Azriel as he walked around the table, over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. She heard him taking deep gulps, and then filling up another glass.

She swallowed hard as she heard him walking over to her.

He slowed right beside her, setting a full glass of water down in front of her, his hand lingering on the counter beside it. She stared at the glass, ignoring that he was close enough for her to feel the heat from his body. She suddenly remembered his thundering heart, beating too fast right by her ear.

She felt his warm breath on her ear as he leaned down, his voice low "You smell good too, by the way."

Her whole body heated this time, his breath grazing her neck as he remained for another second, every particle in her body aware of his closeness, aware of his breath on her ear, her neck, the shiver it sent straight down her spine and into her core.

The stairs squeaked from above them, and Azriel stepped away.

Neither of them grinned tauntingly as he walked back to the other side of the room, and Erin reached for the water. The icy water washed away the heating inside her, and hopefully the flush on her face. She swallowed the last drop and turned around, just as Cassian entered the kitchen.

He was also clad from top tip toe in his fighting leathers. His eyes darted between Erin, slightly widened at her new outfit, and then to the Shadowsinger, casually leaning against the wall by the door.

"Morning. What are you doing here Az?"

"Elain asked me to be here. Now what are you two up to?" Azriel's eyes darted between her and Cassian, both of them looking ready for a fight. Cassian's eyes went to her, leaving the decision if she wanted to tell him up to her.

"We're visiting out mother's grave" she said evenly. If the cold water hadn't done it, this would have. In her thrill of her new leathers, she'd forgotten the reason she needed them. Forgotten the dreadful flight she had ahead of her, the memories it would drag up.

Azriel's eyes grew larger as he looked at her, the smugness from before completely gone. She shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly at him in response.

"Do you need any backup?" he said finally, turning to Cassian.

"We're fine, we're not going into any town or camp" Cassian said through mouthful of sandwich. _Her_ sandwich she realized.

"Hey that's mine!"

"What? You left it here, I thought it was abandoned"

"You thought the sandwich was _abandoned_?" she snorted "It was half eaten, make your own!"

"This one was already done!" Cassian exclaimed, devouring the rest of it one bite. Erin rolled her eyes.

"So who's winnowing us?"

"Rhys will be here any minute now" Cassian said through a mouthful of food, and Erin wrinkled her nose.

"Close your mouth"

"You asked"

"Whatever, I'll be waiting in the hallway," she said with an eye-roll. She knew why Cassian was bantering with her, and he knew why she so easily fell into it. Neither of them liked serious situations, and they both wanted to keep it light as long as they could.

She only glanced once at the Shadowsinger as she passed him by the door, and it was enough. The coyness from before had been replaced by that softness, the same softness he'd shown when he'd found her writhing in pain on the floor.

She hated it.

 **AN: Hey guys, been very very busy with work so this took longer than expected. Really loving your responses though from the last chapter, you're the best! So here's Sassy Azzy again because he's the best too.**

 **Hoping to make the next chapter a double one, think it would flow well that way, because there's going to be a lot more action coming your way in that one. I'll try to make it work.**

 **I like reviews too, in case you missed that.**


	14. Homebound

**Chapter 14: Homebound**

The Illyrian Mountains were still frozen to the bone.

Spring, summer, autumn, it never really mattered that much up here. The snow never thawed completely, so many layers of frozen tundra the sun could never break through all of it. Erin flexed her fingers inside the gloves, the air crystallizing in front of her as she huffed.

That heat from before, in the now familiar kitchen, when he'd been standing so, so very close, his breath on her neck, that feeling that it woke in her. That heat was buried deep down now, only an echo even though it had only been moments before. It was hard to replace that, whatever _that_ , had been in the kitchen. Azriel's challenging gaze, to this frozen wasteland.

To this frozen wasteland that was her home.

She'd only been back to these parts of Illyria once a year since her mother's death. She'd always made the journey by herself, and kept well away from Southshield, never wanted to go back or even go near that place.

She glanced at Cassian beside her as he adjusted the bag he'd slung across the side of his shoulder. Some food and water, enough for them to make it through the day. It felt weird, to have him there. To have someone watching out for her, to have someone come with her up that mountain.

Not someone. Her brother.

Sander had asked to come one year, when he realized where she was going. Had followed her halfway there without her noticing it actually. She'd been so mad she hadn't talked to him for a week after that. Before Neira had made her realize he'd done it because he cared, and she'd felt really bad and stupid for yelling at him. He'd forgiven her instantly, of course.

She missed him, the only one who'd had her back during those years, and then in the Blood Rite. He'd found her then too.

And now here she was, back in Illyria with her brother at her side.

The snow reached her ankles, and she was grateful for the water proof boots she was wearing.

"So, that's a new outfit?" Cassia commented, raising one eyebrow slightly.

"Elain made it, I like it"

"You do look more intimidating like that" he admitted.

"Good" she simply said, voice flat.

Her mind had already wandered, the tailored leather hugging her hips and waist no longer exciting. She turned her head to the north, to the mountain peak barely visible through the still dim morning clouds.

She realized she'd balled her hands into fists, almost feeling the aching, feeling the pain rumble through her bones as her fingers had broken one by one.

"Whenever you're ready," Cassian said "And if you feel even the slightest bit of pain from your wings, we take a break. You got it?"

"Yeah" she nodded, not even glancing at him as she adjusted the blades across her back.

"Erin" his hand closed around her upper arm, tugging at her until she turned around. "I said - you got it?" He repeated seriously.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, her wings flaring behind her. Cassian immediately released her, ignoring her annoyance completely. Instead he strapped the bag into place, and gave her a court nod.

Erin sprung into the air without a word.

…

Flying with Max across Velaris had been joyful, exciting and thrilling. Flying across Illyria in hard, icy wind that tugged at her and her wings was neither of those things. It was hard, she constantly had to work to keep her course straight as the winds changed around her. She noticed Cassian sometimes flying by her side, always were the wind came from, shielding her from the blunt force of it.

She ignored it was they started climbing into the air, her gaze kept wandering south, towards her hometown, towards Southshield. She wondered if the cottage was still standing, after five harsh winters. The place had probably been looted a long time ago, not that she'd left anything valuable behind anyway.

Halfway up the mountain they took a break, it was already midday, and the sun had finally broken through the heavy clouds. They perched on a block of stone in the hillside, a familiar outpost to her. She'd paused there every year going up this mountain, first with her mother, then alone.

Now with Cassian.

He was warming his hands on the little fire they'd made, it was flickering terribly in the wind and would probably die at any moment, but he'd made one anyway. She suspected he mostly wanted something to occupy his hands with, to escape her frozen demeanor.

She sighed deeply, pulling her legs up to rest her chin on her knees as Cassian's eyes flickered to her for just a short second. He immediately looked away, and she instantly felt bad. She'd barely spoken to him since they started flying, barely made sure he kept up. She knew he would of course. But still.

She swallowed hard as he prepared to warm some tea on the fire. Her mother had always brought tea too, something warm to thaw them from the inside, give them strength to carry on, she'd said.

"Mom was the one who found this place" she said, her voice too loud in the nothingness, even against the wind. She realized her throat was completely dry, and accepted a cup as Cassian handed it too her. "When my father died, she's the one who carried him up here, far away from them. From everything."

Far away from _them_. That's what she'd said. Erin still remembered, but still didn't understand.

"And then you carried her up here, by yourself" Cassian said, looking down into his tea.

"They deserved to be together, at least in death"

She knew he was looking at her, but couldn't make herself face him. Instead she looked out across the cliff, over the frozen hills and mountains, to the forest below. Illyria, the worlds coldest, most gruesome place.

She'd never known, never known just _how_ horrible it was before she came to Velaris.

"Why do you keep fighting for it? For the Illyrians, why didn't you just give up?"

Cassian's eyes snapped to hers, surprised. "You proved them wrong, you became a General,a great warrior. Why do you keep coming back here, why don't you just let it go?"

Cassian stared into the space between them for what seemed like the longest moment ever, but was probably just a few seconds.

"I can't, I just can't. I can't accept the fact that this is the way it'll always be. I can't just forget about my past, what I once was. I have the means to at least try to change things and I'm not about to waste that."

"And that's why you where on the top of that mountain, on Ramiel, during the Blood Rite?" The cup had cooled in her hands, she looked at the steam that simmered and died. They'd never talked about the Blood Rite, not really.

"Yes. I thought they'd kill you if you survived. I prayed that you'd survive, even without the training, alone it that forest."

"I wasn't alone" she offered, her voice milder.

"I'm glad you weren't" Cassian's tone warmed too, and his lips turned upwards, but not quite a smile.

They fell silent again, Erin drained the last of her tea.

"Can I ask why? Why you went into that forest? Was it because of… because of him" Cassian's voice dropped into a growl, like he couldn't even say his name.

 _Giant wings, blocking the sun._

She closed her eyes, willing Gilron's face away from her mind. The way he'd looked at her. Like she was his pray, and he wouldn't have looked away. Not like she had when she'd finished off that squirrel in the forest during the blood rite.

No he would have watched it all, and he would have made it painful, long and painful.

"Yes" she finally said, into her tea. "He was the reason I did, why I felt like I'd rather die free in that forest than spend my life with someone like him."

She ignored that she saw Cassian clench his fists, the muscle in his jaw straining. But he kept quiet.

"But even if he hadn't-" she searched for the right words "Decided he found me interesting" she grimaced. "I still would have found a way to run, to get out of there. Maybe I would have thought it through a tad more though" she shrugged.

"I understand" he said. But then glanced up quickly "the part about getting out of there."

"I know what you meant" she didn't smile, but she felt her tone soften. It was hard to stay cold towards him when he had that kind look on if face. She'd found more and more of her mother in him the more time she spent with him. The eyes, the way they wrinkled as he smiled, the tilt of the mouth. Her mother was there.

"We should get moving" she shot up, the fire had already flickered out, and she didn't want her muscles to freeze up.

"Right," Cassian nodded, already rustling around. They quickly packed up their things, neatly putting the cups back and making sure everything was secure before they set off again.

The last part up the mountain was the hardest, mostly because the winds got stronger as they climbed higher and higher, and they didn't make it far until they had to touch down and continue on foot.

The hill was steep, but the snow was soft, easy to shove your feet or hands into to get a good grip. Not like that day she pulled her mother the last bit up this mountain, when it had been completely frozen.

She started to sweat her leathers as they climbed, even in the cold. They didn't talk, the wind in their ears howling loud enough to drown out their voices even if they tried.

Erin knew exactly when they neared to top, recognizing a particular formation of rock up ahead. She turned her head to glance back at Cassian to give him a nod. She didn't have to say more, he understood.

She wasn't sure why, but she stayed put until he was right beside her. Suddenly feeling like he had to be there, had to be there next to her to have her take another step.

She'd never been so weirded out about anything in her entire life.

Together they passed the rocky formation above, and the cliff planed out in front of them. It wasn't quite at the top, but almost, and right there, the rock had been hollowed out enough to create a crate in the cliffside.

And in that crate, in the snowy ground, she'd buried her parents.

Nothing to mark the graves, accept a formation of heavy stones at the top of the graves. A formation she'd ground into the ground with the stones five years earlier.

And every year, she'd found them in the exact same formation, the snaking symbol of eternity, almost looking like a lying down hour glass.

Some of the stones where still stained with blood from her broken fingers the last time she'd been up there a year earlier, still placed in the exact same spot.

"No," she breathed as she looked down into the crate. A cold, clammy hand closing around her heart. "No."

The stones had been moved.

Not scattered, moved.

…

"No" she repeated, frozen to the ground. She couldn't move, only stared at the stones, now placed along the side of the crate.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Cassian's hand brushed her elbow.

"Someone was here" she said, coldness settling in her bones. She suddenly felt exposed.

There was no way an animal could have done this, not that there was any animals up here anyway. And the wind had never reached into this crate before. And even if a storm had hit strong enough to rattle the stones- this was not the work of nature.

The stones couldn't have been scattered around from a storm or an animal. They'd been placed by the side. Purposely dug out of the ground and moved to the sides.

"Oh god" she closed her eyes for a second. The snow around them was new, clean, but where she knew the graves where, there was a faint drop in the snow, as if it had been dug out, and then snowed over.

"Are you sure? How do you know?" Cassian kept beside her, but she felt his body go tense, into defensive mode. He'd already grabbed the dagger by his side.

"The stones, they've been moved. Deliberately moved" Her voice rung through the cave walls, bouncing back to them. She ignored the high pitched tone that had crept in, the tint of panic.

Cassian slowly crept forward a few feet, and she knew he also saw the drop in the snow, and that he also know what had probably happened. She couldn't make herself move, could not make herself come closer.

Her fingers shook inside her gloves.

She'd buried them here for peace. For them to spend eternity together, at least in death.

And someone had violated their peace. Their grave.

Her vision simmered, her blood pulsing in her ears like a heartbeat, her nails would have drawn blood if she hadn't been wearing thick gloves.

Cassian looked at her, his lips i a thin line.

"I'll check, you don't have to stay here. You don't have to see this."

She swallowed, the foggy redness clearing just slightly. Someone would have to check, check if they where still there, how much damage had been done.

Her stomach turned.

"They weren't buried with anything valuable, just make sure they're still there," she managed to press out.

Cassian nodded slowly, his eyes so dark, his wings hanging low.

Erin crept over the stones, dropping down to the hillside bellow. She, half climbed, half sledded through the snow as fast as she could.

But she still heard the sounds as Cassian broke through the snow.

She stopped to empty her stomach into the clean snow.

…

Cassian found her an hour later, she'd gone even further down the mountainside, found a rock where she finally perched herself. The wind there was strong enough for he not to hear what was going on up at the grave.

Her nose and cheeks where burning in the cold wind as he slid down beside her, spraying snow across her boots.

"They're still there" he said silently. And she let out a deep breath, the knot in her stomach easing just slightly. They where still together. "But it seemed like someone had rummaged through the grave, like they'd been looking for something."

"Looking for what?" her eyes narrowed, turning to Cassian. His face was pale, eyes hollow.

"I don't know" he sighed, shoulders hanging low. He didn't even bother keeping his wings out of the snow.

The simmering rage, the sickness that had consumed her for the last hour faded slowly. That was his mother too, his mothers grave too. He'd done that, he'd dug it up, so that she wouldn't have too. Wouldn't have too see it again.

Erin grabbed his hand.

They where both wearing gloves, but he still jolted. She immediately eased her grip, remembering her broken fingers when she'd dug that grave.

"Thank you" she said.

Cassian stared straight ahead, frozen.

"Does your hands hurt? I broke five fingers when I did it" she eased the pressure on his gloved hand, starting to pull her hand away.

"It's fine" he turned his hand, holding her's firm. But he still only stared straight ahead.

Erin understood. Understood that he needed some time to sort through what he'd just done.

…

She wasn't sure how long they sat there. But when the cold crept into her bones she finally got up. She left Cassian on that perch and climbed back up to the graves. He'd flattened the snow out, making it look clean, and peaceful again.

She put the stones back again, one by one. Ignored the splattered blood still etched into them.

She put them back one by one, next one heaver than the first. Until her arms ached. Until that simmering fury pounded in her ears. Stone by stone that feeling of wrong washed over her in waves.

They'd been violated. In their final peace.

She looked at the eternity symbol when she finally finished. It didn't look exactly the same as before, but where was the point in that.

She already knew what she had to to. The only clue, the only way she could think of to try and figure out who did this. If it was _them_ again, if they'd come back. If it wasn't for Cassian, who she heard climbing up the hillside towards her, she'd already be moving now.

She knew he wouldn't like it.

…

"Erin!"

Cassian's voice barely carried over the howling wind. She wanted to ignore him, to let that burning inside her take over completely. But after today, she just couldn't ignore him.

"What?" She yelled back, barely glancing his way as she banked to the left, catching a wind to glide on.

"We should think this through!" Cassian came up beside her, wings flattening out just like hers as they surfed the wind.

"I already did. And this is the only way" she ground out. Cassian grunted something incoherently, he did not agree.

But he'd still agreed to follow her. Well, he'd just followed her actually she'd never waited for him to agree.

Erin tried not to think too much as they sailed across the familiar forest below them. Southshield was not far away, but the weather was harsh and made flying difficult. She ignored Cassian's worried expression as they closed in on the camp.

She tried not to think of the dread pooling in her stomach, didn't let it take hold. She couldn't allow herself to think at all. Just do.

"We should go the rest of the way on foot, get in and out unnoticed!" Cassian bellowed, and she nodded in response. That might work, her family's cabin had been in the outskirts of the camp, and would probably be deserted by now.

They touched down ungracefully, spraying snow across the pine trees. They where both out of breath as they slowed to a stop, shaking the snow off their wings. Erin reached up to push stray hair out of her face, and Cassian shook his out like a dog.

"It's this way" she announced, setting off into the thick forest. Cassian's boots crunched heavily behind hers as they started walking.

"We go in and out unnoticed Erin, if anyones there you're not getting close to that house." He said sternly behind her, and she had to shake off the growl that almost came out of her at that commanding tone.

"It's my house" she said icily "I'll go in if I want to"

"You know that's not how this works. No one can know you're here. It's not safe, not after everything you've done. No one in Illyria would let you walk away if they found you."

She felt her wings twitch in annoyance, and knew he saw too. Because his tone softened.

"For now, for now you need to lay low. For your safety"

" _Fine"_ she ground out through gritted teeth. She was tired of talking, tired of being careful. She wanted to find out who did this, it was all she could think about.

She gave into that simmering darkness inside her as they crept through the forest, Erin knew every turn, every tree and every stone they passed. She didn't let herself think of the memories, the good or the bad as they closed in on the town.

As wooden cabin came into view, she crouched down, Cassian following suit. Her cabin, her home.

"Is that it?" Cassian whispered, peering around him, assessing the situation. The place seemed empty, deserted.

"Yes" she listened, the place sounded empty.

"So I should go in first, then I'll call for you if it's safe-"

She was already moving.

Cassian cursed behind her as she swiftly shot across the snowy ground, to the nearest tree. She only paused for a second, listening before she lunged again.

She reached the back wall of the cabin so fast she almost crashed into it. Cassian caught up with her just a second later.

"There's a window on the right side, we could go through there, that way we wont be visible from the town" she said silently as she started moving. She kept close to the frayed walls. Walls that had been withered in the harsh Illyrian weather for five years.

But it was still standing. Some part of her had thought it would have been burned down, teared down. Anything.

But here it was, her family home, still standing tall, if just a little scarred.

They reached the window, the glass was cracked but mostly intact. Erin was just about to break it when Cassian shoved her aside. He stood on his toes to glance into the house, checking that it was empty one last time. Then he drove his gloved fist into the glass.

The sound of the glass shattering rung through the forest, and they both froze for a second. Then Cassian reached around to unlock the window from the inside. It swung upon slowly, creaking terribly on the dry, frozen hinges.

Cassian paused for a second, before he nodded towards her. "Here, I'll give you a boost."

She didn't give him a chance to change his mind, and put his foot i his gloved hands for him to hoist her up. She tucked her wings in tightly as she crawled through the window. The floor creaked loudly under her as she toppled down ungracefully.

"You okay?" Cassian asked from right outside.

But she couldn't move, couldn't speak.

The place had been completely trashed. The bed in the corner had been pulled out, the mattress ripped open and the contents strewn across the floor. Every cupboard in the little kitchen had been pulled out and their things thrown around the place. Her small bed in the other corner had been turned completely upside down, and the little dresser beside it also been ransacked. She even recognized her clothes, strewn across the floor, muddy and dirty from heavy boots.

She drew a ragged breath.

"Erin?" The window creaked behind her, she got up just as Cassian pulled himself in. He barely fit through the window, and grunted as he landed just as ungracefully as she had. Erin slowly walked over to her parent's ruined bed, picking up one of the trashed pillows on the floor.

The material was cold and smelled of mould, there was no trace of the warmth, no trace of her mother's scent that had once lingered. The scent that had kept Erin rooted to the spot right next to their bed for days, hugging her mother's pillow. She hadn't moved until her uncle had come to get her, to bring her to Ironvale.

"You okay?" Cassian asked, the floor creaking heavily under his boots. He carefully stepped over an old nightshirt, hers, in front of his feet.

The place was cold, there was no lingering scents, of anyone. It was just cold, moldy and dead.

"Someone's been here, someone been looking for something." She said, throwing the pillow back on the trashed bed.

"Could just have been scavengers from the camp, looking for something valuable to sell. Could have happened several years ago." Cassian said, slowly making his way around the room. Erin shook her head.

"Maybe." She knew he was right, knew there was no way to prove it. But there was a part of her that felt it, felt that this had not been anyone from Southshield. This had been done by the same someone who wrecked their grave.

What she couldn't figure out was why. They hadn't owned anything valuable. Nothing worth going through all this trouble. But still this place had been methodically turned upside down, coldly, calculatingly.

The floor creaked, and she turned just slightly to see Cassian bending down to pick something up by his foot. A small, wrinkly, stained doll, the seams barely holding it together. One of the arms was missing. Cassian turned it over in his hands, then walked over to set it down carefully on her old nightstand.

She swallowed hard, she'd never liked that doll. But her mother had made it and she'd carried it around everywhere to make her happy. The arm had been lost when Erin had accidentally gotten it caught in the door, and she'd cried when it ripped. Even though she didn't like it.

"We should probably head back to the meeting point, Mor will be there soon to pick us up. And she'll be a pain in the ass if we let her wait in the cold for too long," Cassian said, still looking around.

"But-" she started to protest. But couldn't finish her sentence. This had all been for nothing, this gave her no clues, only more questions.

"We've been here long enough Erin, we need to head back home."

Cassian's voice dropped the moment that last word was out. Erin turned away, to the fireplace, cold and untouched. This was her home. This place had been her entire life for fourteen years. This cabin her been her sanctuary until that night when she'd only been ten. When they'd come for her father.

"Erin I'm sorry I-"

A scream cut through the hollow silence of the cold air.

She and Cassian both had their blades out in a second, the floorboards creaking as they drove their heels down into defensive positions.

"That must've come from the camp" she said under her breath.

"You stay here, and I'll go check it out" Cassian replied, blades out as he moved towards the door. Erin was just about to protest as another scream came.

It was unmistakably female, and so full of horror and despair that Erin's blood turned cold in her veins.

She was moving before Cassian had the chance to block her way. She threw the door open, almost pulling it out of the hinges, just as another scream followed.

She was screaming for help.

"Erin!" Cassian's voice was drowned out by the pounding in her ears as she ran, her blood had grown so cold inside her it seemed to burn. A cold fire creeping up her stomach.

Erin couldn't hear anything else than the female's scream, now coming again and again. She was begging, howling for help. Erin was dimply aware of Cassian following her as she finally shot off the ground, soaring into the air.

 _Cassian_

The female's screams seemed to cut straight to the forest, straight through the forest and into his heart.

He watched the blood drain from Erin's face, watched her eyes fade over. When she pushed past him to the door he wasn't even sure she saw him.

He called her name as he could only follow, but either she didn't hear him or she just ignored him. But she was so fast, and he'd barely caught up with her she shot into the sky, spraying him with snow. All he could do was try and keep up.

The screams kept coming, the female's voice ringing into the quickly darkening sky. Cassian pushed his wings to catch up with Erin, who didn't even look his way as he worked his way up behind her.

The screaming seemed to stop just as they soared into the camp, the houses coming quickly and denser. Erin swerved across the rooftops with accuracy that only came from knowing every little inch of this place. Cassian steeled himself as another scream came, followed by a wave of different voices.

Erin suddenly dropped straight down.

Cassian's heart was in his throat as that blob of coppery hair disappeared below a rooftop.

The screams stopped.

He regained his senses just in time, and swerved to stop before he shot out across the town square for all too see. The roof rattled under him as he dropped straight down, keeping low. The most important thing right now was keeping Erin safe, no matter what they found. He didn't know the situation at hand, and couldn't afford to blow his only advantage - surprise.

That's what the logical part of his brain said, but the other part of him screamed, barked at him to follow Erin, no matter the consequences. Only five hundred years of training and strategy kept him silent as he crept across the roof to the edge.

The camp square unfolded beneath him, a wave of silence had settled across the crowd even though they all stirred.

And in the middle of the square, in growing pool of blood, stood his sister.

His heart stopped for a moment before he realized the blood wasn't hers. It belonged to the bloody bundle behind her, barely visible between Erin's outstretched wings. She was clutching both her blades, one pointed directly at the male in front of her, straight at his throat. The broad shouldered male was clutching his arm, a blade- no, not a blade. A saw, beside him on the ground.

Cassian vision blurred as he saw red. He clutched his blades tighter, his body tensing, ready to pounce.

The thing that kept him steady, let him keep his mind clear enough to think, was the wild look in Erin's eyes. He'd never seen her like that, not even that first time she climbed up Ramiel. The faded blue eyes had grown ashen, smoldering, and her lips had curled up into a snarl.

More animal than fae.

 _"_ _Step back"_ Erin ground out through gritted teeth, her voice was low but clearly carried across the now silent square.

The male in front of her, with his back to Cassian, didn't move.

"Stand down immediately, girl" he said, a low, guttural voice. Erin only hissed back at him in response.

"I'm the one with a blade to your throat, you're in no position to make any demands Arathon."

The male twitched, almost unnoticeably, he was surprised. The crowd stirred, murmurs creeping across the people gathered.

"Stand down, or you'll receive the same punishment as her." The male, Arathon, growled. And two of the guards closest to them took a step forward, swords drawn. Cassian was immediately ready to move, just as Erin backed closer into the bloody pool.

Her wings moved enough for Cassian to catch a glimpse of a small female behind her, curled into fetal position on the ground, quietly sobbing. One of her wings had been sawed off.

Cassian saw red.

He'd dropped onto the ground below before his logical side could even try to stop him. The people below almost cried out in surprise.

"What is going on here?" He called out, the crowd parting as he strode straight into the middle, towards the man facing his sister. Someone murmured his name, in recognition, awe or fear he wasn't sure.

Every warrior in the square was suddenly ready to move, pushing towards the center of the square. He counted them in the back of his mind as Arathon turned around to face him, slowly.

Arathon had to be old by Illyrian standards, his face withered and scarred, the most gruesome scar running straight across his right eye. His face was paler, lighter, than most Illyrians, but both his hair and his beard was night black, stained grey.

Cassian didn't recognize him.

"Who are you? Where is Lord Ridley?" He demanded, Ridley was the Lord in command of Southshield, and he'd never seen or heard of the male in front of him before. But he knew by the way the warriors around him looked at him, ready for orders, Arathon was in charge.

"Well how nice of the Lord's General to grace us with his presence" Arathon said, still not fully turned towards Cassian. Erin still had her blade to his throat. Her eyes flickered to Cassian's for just a short second, enough for him to see that she was still fuming, ready to pounce any second. Cassian didn't like the situation, Erin knew this man, and he was in charge, but Cassian didn't know him.

"Where is Ridley?" He repeated coldly. He willed himself to look calm, relaxed.

"He's left town, don't know where" Arathon shrugged, seemingly unbothered by the blade by his throat.

"Why are you doing this?" Erin hissed icily, pressing her blade closer against his neck, the tip drawing blood. Arathon growled at her.

"Stand down girl"

"You will be the one standing down. You will all stand down", Cassian ordered.

Not one of the warriors around him let their swords down.

Arathon chuckled, lowly, humorlessly.

"Southshield does not answer to you or your High Fae Lord anymore boy"

Cassian tightened his grip on his blade, looking around the square. He counted at least three dozen warriors, and they all seemed ready to put up a fight. He wasn't sure he'd handle all of them, with Erin and…

The female on the ground whimpered, turning over.

Erin twisted just slightly, but it was enough. Cassian lounged forward just as Arathon swiped the blade away from his throat, wrenching it out of her grip.

Erin staggered backwards, towards the whimpering figure by her feet. She had her other blade out even before she regained her balance. She had it pointed at Arathon just as he pointed hers back at her. Cassian froze, the two warriors closest to Arathon blocking him.

He felt his blood pulsing, if he'd been alone, he'd probably said to hell with it and fought his way straight out of this, but with Erin here, he had to play it careful. He needed to get her out of here in one piece.

"Who are you little female?" Arathon asked, looking at Erin up and down, from her unbound coppery hair to her blood splattered boots.

"Let us go, now." Erin hissed back. Cassian saw that her eyes traveled.

"You know who I am but I don't know you, that doesn't really seem fair." Arathon said with a slow smile.

"I don't know _who_ you are, I know you." Erin turned her head to the side, stormy eyes narrowing.

Arathon shifted almost unnoticeably, but didn't let the grip on his blade loosen. Cassian held his breath, he was afraid that Erin would do something stupid at any second now, and he had to be ready if she did.

"Who are you?" Arathon repeated, the humor gone from his voice, he was growing impatient and angry.

Erin's eyes cleared, just slightly. And then she smiled straight at Arathon. "That's a nice blade you have there" she nodded to the sword hanging on his hip. "It's a shame you're not worthy of it."

"What?" Arathon snapped, stepping closer, Erin took another step back towards the female by her feet.

"Really? You still don't remember?" Erin cocked her head to the side, and Cassian wanted to yell at her to stop, stop antagonizing him, stop picking a fight they might not survive. "Coward" she snarled. Straight at Arathon, then she glanced out across the crowd.

"None of you deserve to use the weapons he made for you. He made them for you to protect us! Not _this!_ " She gestured to the woman by her feet.

The crowd broke into murmurs, even the warriors by Cassian turned their swords over.

Someone's voice carried over the rest.

"She's Berwyn's daughter"

Arathon chuckled.

"You're the blacksmiths daughter?"

"Yes" she said evenly.

"Well why didn't you say so? You would've received a much warmer welcome. I liked Berwyn, a hell of a blacksmith. Never got that good quality for that price anywhere else in Illyria. It's a shame really, what happened to him."

Erin's lips where in a thin line, her face pale as the snowy mountains.

"If he'd known how to actually use one of the weapons he made for the rest of us, maybe he'd been able to defend himself that night when they killed him."

Cassian flinched.

"If you hadn't been busy drinking and actually defending the town, they wouldn't have been able to" ,Erin spat out, eyes flashing.

"Now now, It's not my fault that he built that house outside of the town, to have some privacy for you and his whore wife."

If Erin hadn't leapt at Arathon, Cassian definitely would have.

But Arathon was faster, and had been anticipating her. Cassian was caught by the three males blocking his way to them as Arathon wrenched the blade away from Erin, and pushed her to the ground in one, single motion.

He pushed her all the way into the mud as Cassian finally got free. And he was ready to kill.

"Move and she dies." Arathon's voice was steady, his blade pressed straight into Erin's neck. Erin swore, her face in the mud as she trashed. Arathon put his booth on her left wing, and pressed down.

Erin didn't scream, but Cassian did.

"I swear if you hurt her I will have you head, and every warrior in this square will die."

"How heartfelt" Arathon simply smiled, and pulled his cheated sword out. "One move from you, and I use this sword, the sword her father made, and I take her wing, or her life. I haven't made my mind up yet."

Cassian didn't dare move, he didn't doubt that Arathon would drive that blade into Erin if he did.

They way Arathon smiled at him, Cassian knew the older male knew exactly what he was thinking.

…

 _Erin_

Erin tried not to cough on the mud, the strange, coppery taste almost making her gag. She couldn't turn her head up, without the blade breaking through her skin, her fathers blade.

Her vision blurred, tears maybe, or mud. That burning in her stomach had spread to her feet and her legs, all the way out in her aching wings. Arathon pressed his dirty boot down, and she had to bite down on her lip to keep from crying out.

He paused, then the pressure eased.

Erin had all of one breath before he drove his boot into her side.

She heard the ribs crack before she felt it, and she couldn't keep her scream in this time. Not as the force of the blow sent her sprawling back into the mud. She landed on her side, her back to Cassian, who screamed out.

She coughed, the coppery taste growing stronger in her mouth.

Then Erin saw her, through Arathon's legs, behind his dirty, bloody boots. There was the healer.

She was no longer whimpering, no longer covering her face, she was looking straight at Erin.

Erin realized the coppery tang of blood in her mouth wasn't from her, but from the pool of blood that had been steadily growing. The blood of the healer who'd once tried to save her mother.

Shaye, the healer, blinked, the tears now dried against her her smooth skin. She blinked again, dark brown eyes opening wide.

Erin felt dizzy, felt her arms and legs starting go numb. That incessant burning in her body was starting to hurt, hurt more than the ribs Arathon had cracked.

Shaye blinked again, her eyes dropping down. She still didn't move, didn't stop clutching her stomach.

Not her stomach, Erin realized through her burning fog. The saw. The saw Erin had punched out of Arathon's hand when she'd come down on him. Shaye was hiding it under her tunic.

Dimly, she heard Arathon talking above her, Cassian's furious roaring. Then those boots aimed for her again.

Shaye was quicker.

Before Arathon could kick Erin again, Shaye lounged forward, saw first, and drove it right into his heel.

Arathon roared.

Erin knew the moment he turned, mid-roar, that he was going to kill Shaye for that. Not take her other wing, he would take her life. And as Shaye turned her eyes on him, no remorse, no tears, Erin knew she knew it too.

Something broke inside her, something broke free. Not like her ribs that she'd heard crack, no something shattered deep in her very being. And then the burning consumed her.

 **AN:**

 **So I'm back.**


	15. Shift

**_RECAP:_**

 _Dimly, she heard Arathon talking above her, Cassian's furious roaring. Then those boots aimed for her again._

 _Shaye was quicker._

 _Before Arathon could kick Erin again, Shaye lounged forward, saw first, and drove it right into his heel._

 _Arathon roared._

 _Erin knew the moment he turned, mid-roar, that he was going to kill Shaye for that. Not take her other wing, he would take her life. And as Shaye turned her eyes on him, no remorse, no tears, Erin knew she knew it too._

 _Something broke inside her, something broke free. Not like her ribs that she'd heard crack, no something shattered deep in her very being. And then the burning consumed her._

 **Chapter 15. Shift**

 _Azriel_

He felt it.

He felt it the moment it happened, like a ripple going over the water when you drop a stone in it. A wave of power that crept across the air.

Not the air. The shift, the place in between, the place where his shadows roamed freely, the place he walked through when he let the shadows swallow him freely.

Azriel stopped dead in his tracks, the feeling so overwhelming it sent a shudder up his spine. He'd never felt someone else in the shift, in that place between worlds. He knew there must be other Shadowsinger's out there somewhere, he couldn't be the only one. But he'd always been alone, always. Never felt any of them.

Someone was close, someone was there.

He sent out the shadows, the shadows that could travel across the shift in a matter of seconds, they scattered at his thought. And he'd already started moving, through the shift, in the way he High Fae winnowed, he guessed it was something like that.

He found Elain and Mor, wide eyed, as he materialized in the kitchen at the town house.

"Somethings wrong," Elain called out. "I saw it." There was panic in her eyes as she lounged for Azriel. Her pale, delicate hands grasped his leather clad hands.

"What? Whats wrong?" He asked silently, Elain's visions where hard to read, and he had no idea if this had anything to do with whatever he'd felt.

"They never came back" Mor said, eyes wide but voice steady "Cassian and Erin, I waited at the spot we decided to winnow them home and they never came. Something must have happened."

"Where are the others?" He asked, his shadows had no answers yet, he felt them creeping across the shift in the back of his mind, felt them searching.

"No one else is here, Rhys and Feyre are away"

"Elain, what did you see?" He grasped her thin hands, feeling their coldness even through his gloves. Elain's eyes where glassy, almost faded over. He recognized that look, that's the look she had when she wasn't entirely there, when she was still partly in her visions.

"Broken fingers in the snow. Red paint on a white canvas" Elain breathed, her fingers digging into his hands. Azriel met Mor's eyes over Elain's head, and Mor shook her head slowly.

"Where was the meeting point?" He asked instead.

"The steppes, below the mountains outside Southshield."

"Then we'll start there" he said, his voice an order. He knew Mor wouldn't have allowed an order like that in any other circumstances. But not she only nodded, reaching her hand out for him.

Elain staggered as he led her over to the nearest chair, and eased her into it. He had to pry her hands from his, her grip strong and cold.

"Red paint on a white canvas" she whispered into the air, then turned her large eyes straight upon him. "And a broken seal."

Azriel backed away, coldness seeping through his veins before he felt Mor's hand wrap around his, her scent enveloping him as she pulled him towards her. He closed his eyes as Mor winnowed them.

The coldness washed over them instantly, the winds harder here than in Velaris. Here the stars seemed duller, and the night darker.

Mor shuddered against the cold wind, despite her thick jacket.

"This was where I was supposed to meet them" she said, voice trembling in the wind. She hadn't let go of his hand.

He opened his mouth, about to answer, when another ripple went through the shift, crashing into him with force this time. It almost knocked the breath out of him, and he realized he'd staggered backwards as Mor's hand tightened around his lower arm.

"Az? Are you okay? What's happening?"

Azriel felt her this time. Felt her very essence. Felt her in the waves that he now realized was more like wind, a wind he'd never felt in the shift before. Strong, wild and unpredictable. He knew it was her even before his shadows came crashing back, whispering of auburn hair and broken bones.

"Southshield, they're in Southshield"

…

 _Cassian_

Cassian was thrown backwards by the blast, straight into one of the warriors behind him.

His head rung, and his vision swam as he tried to push himself back up, still breathless from the blow. He shook his head, trying to clear his vision but the light still flickered across his eyes, the ringing in his ears drowning out the rest of the square.

Erin.

He got to unsteady feet, his sight finally clearing. What was that? Had it been an explosion? Was it Arathon? Cassian hadn't seen any siphons on him.

The square was in complete chaos, the blast had thrown all of them back at least ten feet, and almost everyone was still on the ground.

Arathon was coughing, he'd been thrown straight across the square, into the opposite wall. Between him and Cassian lay the female, curled into a ball.

Erin was gone.

Cassian's head pounded as hard as his heart, he clutched the sword in his hand as he quickly dispatched of the still barely coherent males who'd held him back.

Arathon slowly got to his feet on the other side, just as Cassian finished with the last guard. He dimly noted that people where running, fleeing the square.

"Get up!" Arathon growled out in order, as the warriors around them gingerly got to their feet. "Seize her!" He added, to the male closest to the female on the ground. Cassian headed for him, as he moved towards the bleeding female. He was going to finish them. All of them.

Cassian stepped in front of the female, she was trying to get up, drag herself away from the square. He disarmed the charging warrior in one swipe, knocking the blade from his arm and shoving him into the ground. He only hesitated for a second as he swiped the guards blade from him, and instead of killing the guard, he knocked him out with the hilt of the blade.

The collision of the hilt against the back of the male's skull rung out across the now silent square, Cassian slowly looked up at Arathon on the other side.

The people where gone, only the warriors remained in the now dim town square, the only light coming from the stars above and the flickering firelights around them. Arathon smiled slowly at Cassian and he searched the square, his breath coming faster.

He recognized the reaction of panic, and he knew how to keep it in check but his heart still hammered against his ribcage.

She was gone, nowhere to be seen. The blast? What had that been, had she been in it? If she'd been hurt or… he swallowed. Then he'd known, there would be parts left, the scent of death or blood or anything.

He could still scent the blood on the ground, it was Erin's, but not her, it was like she was not even there anymore.

Maybe she'd run. Used the explosion as a diversion and run to get help.

Cassian took a deep breath and told himself that as he shoved his feet deeper in the mud and brazed for the attack he knew would come. He'd counted the warriors around him. He might be able to take them all, but he had to keep the female behind him safe, he knew the odds of him managing both was low.

Still he did not falter as Arathon ordered his men to attack, and then turned his back on Cassian, disappearing behind the wave of Illyrian warriors that crashed into him.

…

 _Erin_

Everything was wrong.

Lights flickered across her eyes and her head still rung from that blast, the sounds around her came dimly, like a veil had been dropped around her. Groggily she managed to push herself up on her elbows, the broken rib protesting at the movement but the rest of her…

The burning was gone, her body felt… almost relaxed. She shook her head, trying to clear her vision but everything was too blurred to make anything out. She knew she heard voices, but couldn't make them out.

Shaye.

Erin pushed herself onto her feet, swaying as pain rippled from her ribcage. She reached for her weapons, her blades, but she had nothing, she'd lost them. Wrapping one arm around her chest she staggered, she could barely make out the square around her.

The ringing in her ears eased, but the veil, the blur remained. She saw shadows moving around her, but couldn't make out the faces. She staggered forward, through the mud and -

She looked down.

She couldn't _feel_ the mud.

She took another step.

The mud didn't splatter under her boot, made no sound as she moved forward. A shadowy figure passed right by her and she flinched away, the figure disappeared.

She smelled nothing, no blood, except her own, not the mixed scent of warriors and blood and mud from before.

Shaye. Cassian.

Her heart hammered so heard she felt it in her ears as she trudged soundlessly through the mud, she tried to reach out for one of the shadows that passed, but it went straight through her hand.

Cold sweat broke out across her body, the hairs on the back of her neck rising as fear pooled in her stomach.

Was she dead? Had she been killed in that blast and this was… this was it? The next life? Maybe she hadn't moved on, maybe she'd been stuck as a wraith to wander the lands alone.

She looked at her trembling hands, the seemed corporeal, clear, the only thing that wasn't blurred and dimmed.

"Cassian!" She called out, her voice echoed, the sheer panic in her voice reverberating right back at her.

Her breath came quickly, hysterically. She knew she was going into panic, felt the clammy sweat on her hands and the back of her neck, suddenly breathing felt hard, labored.

The pain from her broken ribs sent her to the ground as she started hyperventilating, both hands hugging herself as she fell to her knees in the mud that didn't move. She couldn't smell the blood splattered in it, her's and Shaye's.

The nothingness around her seemed to press into her, onto her, and she couldn't get any air. She turned her shin up, and she found no sun, no stars, only blurry grayness.

Erin buried her head in her hands, trying to shut it out, the faded nothing and she shadowy figures that flickered in and out of view and the ground she could not feel below her.

…

She felt the shadows through the pain that radiated from her chest. Felt it sneak across her hands like a gust of wind. Felt it because there was no wind here, no nothing.

Nothing but the shadows snaking around her trembling wrists and folded wings. And she scented it, the shadows, scented him.

The sheer shock of the ripple that went through her had her scrambling around, reaching for a weapon she did not have.

"Erin" his voice was soft. And it reached her before he became fully corporeal before her.

Azriel repeated her name calmly, and it sounded weird, muffled, but still recognizable. And he wasn't a shadow, he looked clear, unfaded as she stared up at him. Actually, this was the first time she'd ever seen him without any shadows.

"Erin are you okay?" He repeated, taking a step closer as she remained frozen on the ground, or the void of ground. The only thing she felt was Azriel's shadows that had somehow left him and seemed to circle her.

"Are we dead?" She asked flatly.

Azriel paused, his gloved hand retracting.

"No we're not. You're fine Erin."

"Where are the others? Where's my brother?" She breathed, finally shaking the ice that froze her limbs and got on unsteady feet. She swayed as her ribs protested. Azriel flickered to her side, looping his arm around her waist.

He didn't move, he'd just turned up by her side, she only blinked at him.

"Cassian is fine, Mor and I reached you just in time"

"Shaye?" She grasped his arm, and barely noticed as his eyes flickered to her hands.

"I'm sorry I don't know who-"

"The female without the wing"

"She's alive"

Erin sagged, the panic in her body eased and she felt her heartbeat slowly fading into normal rhythm. But she didn't let go of Azriel's arm, she dug her fingers in deeply and held on with all the strength she had left. She needed to feel something solid, she couldn't feel the ground beneath her but she felt him. Felt his warmth, his arm around her and his scent.

The only thing in the nothingness.

"Where are we?" She looked up at him, at those eyes that usually looked so dark they seemed black. Here they where lighter, warmer, almost like honey.

"I call it the shift" Azriel said in a low voice, but still it sung out. "It's a space between worlds."

Erin's head swam, her mind felt slow and sludgy. "How do I get out? Can you get me out?" she felt the hint of panic that laced her words again.

"You can leave this place anytime you want" Azriel's hand held her steady as she swayed. Her limbs turned leaden, and she felt herself lean further into him. "You just have to relax"

"I can't _relax_ " she bit out.

"You'll have to stop panic then" he said, lowering her to the nothing ground slowly, then kneeled in front go her, one arm still out to support her. Erin felt like she was going to fall, fall fall and never hit the ground.

"I don't understand"

"That's okay" he held onto her shoulder, Erin closed her eyes for just a second. "Hey," a gloved hand graced her jaw, turned her chin up and she blinked heavily. Melted honey eyes looked back at her. "You can't fall asleep yet"

"Get me out of here."

"Just breathe, you have to take a few deep breaths with me Erin." The his fingers tightened on her jaw, jolting her back awake slightly.

"Fine"

"Then you're going to imagine yourself walking through a wall, a door, anything. And breathe with me. Erin?"

"I heard" she mumbled, leaning into the gloved hand. All she wanted was to rest her head for just a second.

The hand turned her head up again, the other clutching her arm harder this time.

"Deep breaths with me, one-" she took a deep breath so he'd shut up. "Two-" she took another one. "Three"

She kept breathing, and the fog in her head cleared just slightly.

"Imagine a wall, and then just walk through it, I'll be right behind you." Azriel's voice already sounded far away as a glimmering white wall spread out across her mind, and she stepped straight through it.

…

The sound of _everything_ was deafening. The smell of dirt and blood and death washed over her so quickly it almost made her gag and she staggered in the mud. The mud that splattered under her feet.

Suddenly Azriel was beside her again, an arm clouded in shadows for her to lean upon. She turned her head up too find dark eyes instead of amber eyes gazing down at her.

"Erin!" A hoarse voice called, and relief flooded over her.

"Cassian" she turned around just in time as he halted in front of her, covered i blood and dirt from top tip toe but he seemed fine. She didn't hesitate before she threw her arms around him.

Cassian's strong arms laced around her tightly, immediately reminding her of her ribs as she cried out.

"I'm sorry!" Cassian immediately let her go and she almost dropped to the mud before he steadied her, she grasped his arm to stay upright.

"It's okay, what happened?" She finally took in the rest of the camp square, still bathing in flickering darkness. The warriors around them where either on the ground, our bound up together against the wall.

"Mor happened" Cassian nodded over her shoulder, and Erin looked around to find a blob of golden hair, shining in the firelight as she wrapped her cloak around a bundle on the ground.

"Shaye" she made to move, but her knees buckled. Cassian caught her, and swept her into his arms.

"We're leaving as soon as possible-"

"Shaye-" Erin interrupted, fighting against his grasp.

"Bring the female, and a few of the warriors, we'll need to question them later." Cassian's voice said over her head to Azriel, who nodded silently in return, his eyes didn't even graze over her before he turned away, heading for the bundled up warriors.

"Let me down" she mumbled as Cassian strode across the square towards Mor. He didn't even answer, and exhaustion claimed her and before they reached them. Her last thought before she blacked out was of amber eyes and shadows.

 **AN: So many questions I know. Is Erin like Azriel? Is this why they've felt this bond pulling them together all this time? Maybe it's not the mating bond, maybe it's something else? Maybe you'll get some answers in the next chapter, maybe you won't. Hehe.**

 **Either way next chapter will be a long one I think, so you guys better be nice if you want to know what happens.**


	16. Rise

**Chapter 16: Rise**

Erin felt like someone had dropped an anvil on her head.

Dropped it on her head, and left it there.

Rhysand was furious. Cassian was furious. Azriel was silent, but he was probably silently furious.

Mor was sitting by her side, and Erin was thankful for that. Thankful that at least one person in the room was on her side. Not that there really was sides here, but everything was just completely fucked up.

There was just no other way to describe what she'd woken up to.

Last night she'd come to up in her room in Mor's apartment. She'd slept the whole day, exhaustion the healer had said, depletion of her powers. She'd need to recharge.

Elain had waited by her bed to explain what Madja had told her, had been there to push her back into the bed and told Erin to rest her newly healed ribs. Had been there to tell her that Shaye was alive, and she was safe.

She'd also told Erin of her visions, her vision of a broken seal and red paint on a white canvas. Erin had only stared. She hadn't even known Elain was a seer. The sheepish smile Elain gave her in return as she sat there with her mouth gaping was going to stay with her forever.

Elain definitely knew more than she let on.

And the rest of them, well they seemed to know absolutely nothing of importance. Erin followed Cassian with her eyes as he huffed and paced back and forth between the table they'd gathered around. Their main object of discussion was the open defiance from Arathon and the warriors. The captured ones had refused to speak, to tell them anything, and Arathon had apparently fled the scene.

Coward.

Erin gritted her teeth, a wave of hate then followed by nausea cascading through her. Only the wind flowing in through the open windowless walls of the House of Wind, kept her awake. Rhysand and Cassian's voices grew louder as they argued, argued over Arathon, argued over the lack of information, argued over the stupidity of walking straight into that camp without backup.

Erin slid down lower in her seat. She knew that was her fault. Knew she'd risked both her and Cassian's life as she bolted straight into that square. But he'd taken it all on, never blamed her. And he hadn't told them everything. Hadn't told the others about the grave, the reason they went to Southshield in the first place. She hadn't had a chance to speak to him alone yet, she hadn't seen anyone but Mor and Elain before she joined them at the House of Wind a few hours earlier.

She'd wanted to see Cassian and Azriel the moment she woke up, but Mor had stopped her, told her they where busy, that things where… changing. Erin knew what she meant by that, did not need the older female to explain those things to her.

She'd grown up in Illyria, she knew war was coming. She remembered that male that had been murdered right before her eyes in the Blood Rite, the one that had been called rebel scum. She remembered Gilron's fathers voice the she ran away, the words that made her realize even the High Lord's protection wouldn't reach her there.

Her head swam, the grave, Arathon, that… place. The shift. Azriel.

She couldn't wrap her head around any of it, couldn't sort it out. She needed to talk to him, to the Shadowsinger. But he conveniently looked away from her whenever she tried to catch his eyes. She didn't remember it all, she remembered the nothingness, like a vail had been dropped around her, she remembered not feeling the ground beneath her. She remembered him, and amber eyes.

Madja had told her she'd depleted her powers, thats why'd shed grown so tired and passed out. Erin had only stared at the healer, and asked. What powers?

Madja had only shrugged in return. Then she said, "How should I know."

Erin shifted in her seat. The aching from her healed ribs was nothing, completely manageable. But the remaining headache was killing her.

And the Shadowsinger, the only one who seemed to have any answers, was ignoring her. And that was making her grit her teeth, making the headache even worse.

"Relax" Mor's hand brushed against Erin's as she grabbed it reassuringly. "Just relax."

"How?" Erin turned to Mor, the all powerful Mor who'd brought down everyone, saved them after Erin had screwed everything up.

"You'll figure it out. You'll get a siphon or something to control your powers and you'll be fine" Mor smiled, golden hair swaying.

Mor wasn't Illyrian, so maybe she didn't understand.

Illyrian females weren't supposed to have powers. Had never needed siphons.

Ever.

She noted in the back of her mind that Cassian and Rhysand had grown quiet, even Feyre, now standing between the two of them was looking at her. But Erin's eyes went to the Shadowsinger, who finally looked straight at her.

"Right?" Mor said into he now silent room "She'll just get a siphon, and then she can control it, just like you guys."

"Mor I-" Erin started to object. That was impossible. She didn't need a siphon, she couldn't have powers. "Illyrian females don't need them."

"Why not?" Mor's head snapped back "Cassian told me about the blast, it came from you right? In that case you need a siphon to control it."

"It's not a question about a siphon. Of course she'll get one if she needs one" Cassian huffed, crossing his arms. Erin saw that even Rhysand turned his head slightly at that. "It's about where she went after the blast."

Erin wanted to sink through the floor, down all the way to the ground below. And then bury herself in the mud as they all stared at her.

"I don't remember," she finally managed to say. Hating the tameness in her voice.

"Azriel?" Cassian questioned, calculating eyes turning on his friend. Erin saw a muscle flickering in the Shadowsinger's jaw before he answered.

"She went to the Shift."

"What's that?" Feyre leaned forward, brazing her hands on the table.

"It's like a shift between the worlds, I don't know if it's like winnowing for you. But it's where my shadows come from, thats how I travel between places, how I know things," Azriel explained calmly.

"So she was there, in the shift-thingy, does that mean she's a shadowsinger too?" Mor asked, brows raised as she glanced at Erin.

"I don't think so," Azriel shrugged. "I have no idea actually, I've never encountered anyone who could enter the shift before."

"She has no shadows, so that means she's not a shadowsinger right?" Feyre mused, turning her head to the side.

"Then what was she doing in the shift?" Cassian exclaimed "She turned invisible for god's sake!"

"Just invisible?" Rhysand asked, turning to Erin "You could still touch things in this world?"

"I uh- I don't think so?" Erin shrugged. She hand't been able to feel to ground, or touch the shadows that passed around her. "I didn't even know where I was, I couldn't see anything clearly around me."

The others felt silent again, Erin hoped no one was listening to her beating heart. Why where they asking her all these questions, she had absolutely no idea, about any of this.

"And a siphon wouldn't help with that shift- _thing_?" Mor questioned, this time toward Azriel.

"I don't know, but if it's anything like my gifts it wouldn't," he answered. "But you're right, she should try one anyway, because of the blast. It means she has powers similar to the ones we have." He turned towards Cassian.

"But females don't have powers" Erin breathed, barely loud enough to be heard, but they all heard anyway. "They've never had."

"Well then you'll just have to be the first" Mor squeezed her hand tighter. "Maybe Illyrian females just haven't had a chance to discover they are just as powerful as the males.

Erin felt something click, something awakening inside her. Hope.

If that was true, then it would change everything.

And the others knew it too.

The door creaked open, and one of the servants hovered in the doorway. Erin recognized her from the day the Dawn Court delegation had met them up here.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," she spoke silently looking to Rhysand and Feyre. "But you told me to come directly to tell you so," she swallowed "The Illyrian female has woken up."

"Thank you," Rhysand nodded, and the female closed the door carefully behind her.

"We'll have to talk to her immediately," Rhysand said sternly "The warriors aren't talking but she has to know something about what happened at Southshield. About this Arathon, and who's leading this rebellion-"

"No." Erin's voice rung out flat across the room. And she felt Mor freeze beside her before she dropped her hand and stood up. "You're not marching in there to question her. Not now. Not yet."

"I know it's not ideal, but we don't have choice. We have to know whats happening, right now we're walking in the dark, and she's the only one who knows anything about -"

"Not yet." Erin repeated. "I'll talk to her."

"That's not your choice to make" Rhysand's voice dropped, not threatening but- he was drawing a line. Erin knew she'd already crossed too many. She didn't know him well enough to speak up against him like she did.

"It's not your choice either, High Lord" she said silently, and walked for the door. The room was deftly silent as her boots hit the stone floor.

"The female can wait, I'll make the prisoners talk" Azriel said coldly, cutting off the High Lord's reply.

Erin's blood cooled at the deadly promise in those words, but she kept walking until she was out the door. It swung shut with a bang behind her.

She'd never heard Azriel that way before. But she shouldn't be surprised, he was The Spymaster after all. That's what he did.

She shook her head, fighting the headache. She had go to Shaye, that was all that mattered right now.

She took the stairs quickly, but had to flare her wings to keep her balance as she shot down the steps towards the room they'd placed Shaye in. She'd gone by it on her way to the meeting, listened to Shaye's sleeping breaths, just to make sure for herself that her old friend was okay.

She hesitated by the door, then knocked twice.

"Who is it?" A dry, hoarse voice answered. Even though it was still hoarse, Erin recognized the melody to it.

"It's Erin," she suddenly felt nervous.

"Come in." The voice seemed to relax just slightly. Erin opened the door slowly, the hinges creaking.

"Hello Erin," Shaye turned her head to the side, dark hair cascading across her shoulders. Erin's greeting fell from her lips as she stared at the healer.

She looked good, considering. She was clean, she even had some color in her cheeks. She was sitting up in the bed, eyes clear and awake. She looked almost as Erin remembered. But that's not why she'd frozen on the threshold.

She'd frozen because Shaye no longer had wings.

"You-" Erin stammered. They'd only taken one, he'd only taken one of them, rage grabbed her by the heart.

"I asked the healer to take the other one too, I have no need for one wing." Shaye's eyes showed no sign of tears. "Don't worry, it doesn't hurt anymore. Madja is a very good healer."

"Shaye-" Erin finally unfroze, and practically toppled into the room, crouching down beside Shaye's bed. "I'm so sorry."

"It's better this way, one wing would have only slowed me down, put me off balance. This will be easier to adjust to." Shaye's words where strong, but even as she said them she shrugged, and Erin could only imagine the phantom shadows that must linger there.

"I'm sorry," Erin mumbled again, not even noticing she'd grabbed Shaye's hand. Delicate fingers wrapping around hers. Erin noted that Shaye's hand was smaller than hers, all of her seemed to small now.

Shaye gripped her hand tightly, smile faltering.

"I'm sorry too."

All the questions, all the words, seemed useless, completely inadequate for this moment. Erin finally just tucked her legs in under her, still grabbing onto Shaye's hand as the other female leaned down on the pillow, on her side, her face towards Erin. Shaye blinked heavily.

"You'll be fine." Erin said, and Shaye nodded, eyes hazy.

"I can't believe you came back."

"Me neither."

"I can't believe you're taller than me," Shaye murmured, her grip around Erin's hand easing slightly. Erin would have snorted if she hadn't already been furiously working to hold back tears.

Shaye's breaths slowed, and soon she was asleep. Erin didn't move, but sat beside the healers bed and held her hand. The last time she'd sat like this, her mother had been gone by the morning. So she stayed awake, listening to the healer breathing by her ear.

She didn't know how much time had passed, but at some point, after the sun had set, she'd let go of Shaye's hand and wrapped her arms around her knees and her wings around herself for warmth.

She was leaning against the edge of the mattress, still listening to Shaye breathing. When she heard the footsteps coming down the stairs outside. She tensed at first, before she recognized the footsteps. She silently got to her feet, opening the door before he could knock.

She slipped out the door quietly just as Cassian came down the stairs, the door fell shut with a slight thud.

"How is she?" He asked in a low voice. The corridor was dimly lit but Erin could see how tired he was anyway. The bags under his eyes, his low hanging wings and tense shoulders.

"I think she'll be fine… in time. She' s strong"

"That's good."

"Are you here to interrogate her?" Erin felt the sting creep into her voice, and Cassian's eyes flickered down.

"No."

"Good." She crossed her arms on her chest, still blocking the door.

"I wanted to make sure you're…safe," he said into the floor "Mor said you didn't come home"

Erin refrained from telling him Mor's apartment wasn't her home.

"I'm safe. And I'm sorry" she murmured, and Cassian actually looked surprised. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this whole mess."

"Erin-"

"I won't do it again, you owe me nothing. I'll handle it on my own in the future"

"Erin!" Cassian growled, taking two heavy steps straight towards her, eyes flashing dangerously. "Stop it. Stop being so stupid!"

"What?" She faltered, taking a step backwards, her back colliding with the door.

"You will not be handling any of this on your own. You will not be handling anything period," he hissed down at her. "You're young, inexperienced, thoughtless and most of all, reckless. You could have gotten yourself killed out there, you almost did!"

"I-" The words fell from her tongue.

"You will not to _anything_. Do you understand me? You will stay here and you will learn how to control whatever powers you might have. And you will not go back to Illyria under any circumstances."

"You don't have the right to tell me what to do," she finally hissed back.

"I'm your brother," Cassian growled, eyes flashing. "And you've been lying to me-"

"I have not lied-"

"You father, you didn't tell me he was- " Cassian swallowed the word. "I would have never let you go back there if I'd known what happened to him."

"There was no reason for you to know, it doesn't have anything to do with this. He wasn't _your_ father." Unfair, and not the point, she regretted the words the moment they left her mouth.

"He was murdered and their graves where searched, something is not right Erin. And you will stay as far away from this as possible."

"You can't-" she stammered.

"I'm not saying this as your bother, I'm giving you an order as the General of the Night Court"

Erin only stared at him now. She had no more words. No more will to fight. Not only because she still felt bad, responsible,and so so very small. But because the way he was looking at her she knew he would not budge. Knew it because thats the same look her mother used to have. She saw the temper fading in him too, but the resolution remained. He turned to walk away.

"Did the prisoners talk?" She asked silently, her voice flat. He paused on the steps.

"Not yet, Rhysand gave Azriel until the morning. Then we'll have to talk with your friend," he said tiredly. Then he stalked up the stairs heavily.

Erin waited for his footsteps to die away. She tried not to think of the Shadowsinger, what he was doing, but she failed. Her hand was cold and clammy as she pushed the door open again. Shaye's dark eyes glimmered in the night.

"I'll tell them everything I know tomorrow. It's fine"

Erin wanted to ask, but couldn't.

"I'll tell them that war is coming"

The hairs on the back of Erin's neck rose.

"What do you mean?"

"The rebels, Arathon and the warriors. They're following someone, I don't know who. But they all him King, the Illyrian King."

"Illyria hasn't had King since before…" Erin racked her brain "Since before we became a part of the Night Court."

"I don't know who, or what he is. But they're saying the Illyrian King has risen again, and they're taking back Illyria. They will no longer answer to the High Fae's."

Erin' blood went cold.

"Arathon, how did he become leader? What happened to Lord Ridley?"

"He wasn't a believer in the old ways, and they killed him. Right there, in the middle of the square. In front of all of us."

"And you… why did they…?" Erin could barely get the words out.

"I didn't do anything, I was just one of the first in line to be… clipped."

Erin's stomach turned.

"They did that to others?"

"Three girls before me, they started with the younger females, so that after we could be married off to breed." Shaye's voice shook slightly. "I stitched the other females up, we will all have to learn to live like this. Only difference is I'm here, and they're still back there."

Erin leaned against the door, and then slowly sunk down until she hit the floor. The stone was cold, but she barely noticed. They didn't speak another word to each other, and after some time Shaye's breaths had grown steady again, sleeping. Erin leaned her head against the door, but she couldn't settle her mind enough to get even close to sleep.

The sky had begun to grown pink in the horizon when she finally made her way to Mor's apartment on foot. Madja had strictly banned her from flying for a few days until her healing ribs had settled. And after what she learned today, her wings felt like a heavy presence at her back.

Too much, this was all too much. Her mind was all tangled up, she couldn't sort it out. She didn't even know where to start. The grave, her powers, the war.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

Cassian was right of course, every one of hose words had felt like slap in that face, because she'd thought them to herself over and over again. But that look on his face, he'd been so mad, so disappointed. And he had every right to be.

She climbed the stairs to the apartment slowly, wings dragging behind her gathering dust and dirt.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

Mor opened the door before she had the time to fish out her keys from her pocket. She wrapped her slender arms around Erin, and held on tightly. Erin tensed at first, the scent of Mor's perfume and her hair tickling her nose, but after a moment she relaxed.

"Thank you for sitting with me today at the meeting," Erin finally said as they stepped way from each other. Mor still held onto her hand.

"Of course," Mor turned her head to the side. "How's Shaye?"

"She's strong, but she'll figure this out. She said she'd talk tomorrow, tell you guys everything she knows."

Erin didn't want to talk about it, what she already knew Shaye would say.

"That's good, I'll make sure she feels safe," Mor nodded. "Aren't you coming in?"

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

Erin took a step back into the hallway. "I don't think I can yet… there so much, too much in my head," she swallowed. "Do you know where Azriel lives?"

"His apartment?" Mor's brows rose.

"Yeah, I need some answers about… about what happened back in Southshield."

"I see, but I think he might be busy," Mor shifted ever so slightly, catching her own wrist with her hand.

Busy making the prisoners talk.

"I know what he's doing, I'll wait."

Mor sighed.

"I guess you would want answers."

…

Erin had always imagined Azriel in some kind of cave, hanging upside down like a bat in the darkness. She'd even doubted he had an apartment, had things. She'd thought that maybe he just faded into the shadows when he needed to sleep.

Maybe he didn't sleep at all.

Turns out his apartment building looked completely normal, homey even. It was at the edge of the town, far from the city buzz of Velaris and quite peaceful. Behind her the houses thinned out, soon to be replaced by grassy hills and farms.

She stood by the door, glancing up at the front of the building, his apartment was at the top, four stories up. She spied large arched windows reflecting in the glowing sunrise. She realized she did not have the code, Mor hadn't mentioned it either so maybe she didn't have it. She probably winnowed straight inside.

Erin paused and listened, there was soft noises coming from the other levels of the bulding, but the top seemed completely empty. She started climbing.

He'd turned up unannounced in her bedroom several times, maybe this time she'd let him know how it felt.

Only reason she didn't fly was because she didn't want to upset Madja again, and she only flared her wings to keep her balance as she scaled the side of the building with ease. Her ribs ached just slightly, but she was careful not to make any sudden moves. She stopped on a balcony on the third floor, listening again. Someone turned in their sleep on the other side of the wall of the third floor, but the top still sounded empty.

The soft sun broke across the rooftops as she climbed the last part, warming her back and her wings as her hand closed around the windowsill. The coldness of the glass scraped her fingers, and she paused.

How the hell had he unlocked her window from the outside?

She cursed under her breath as she kept a firm grip around the windowsill and turned around. There was a balcony to her right, it be easier for her with two free hands if she wanted to break in through a window.

She leaped the last bit to the balcony, her ribs protesting as she collided with the railing and she let out a small yelp. She quickly swung her legs over the railing and jumped down on the balcony. The pain faded quickly as she regained her breath, and she couldn't help but pause as the sun hit her face, soft and caring, and she turned to look out across the fields below her.

Damn he had a nice view.

"What are you doing?"

She almost jumped out of her skin in surprise, and let out a low curse before she could stop herself. She swerved around just as the door to the balcony flew open, and the Shadowsinger's eyes flashed back in surprise.

"Uh- Hi." She suddenly felt very very stupid as she stood on his balcony. "I didn't think you where home yet."

"And you decided to start your career as a thief?" He raised his brow, eyes mercilessly following her every move. Erin's eyes dropped, to the shirt in his hand, the one he wasn't wearing. She swallowed and quickly looked away.

"Hey I'm not the first one here to turn up in the other one's bedroom, alright? I don't think you really have any high ground here."

Azriel's lips disappeared into a thin line, and he seemed to swallow some reply. Erin still refused to look anywhere except his face and a point she'd chosen beside it on the wall. "Can I come in?"

He silently stepped away from the door, letting her enter. Erin wanted to tell him to put the shirt on, but didn't want to comment on the fact that he wasn't wearing it.

"Did Mor tell you where I live?"

"Uh-huh."

She might have heard him muttering something under his breath, if she hadn't been so busy scanning the room she entered. The walls were painted light gray, and the curtains white, letting all the light from the rising sun flowing straight into the room. He didn't have a lot of things, there was double bed in the corner, a desk and a door open to an adjoining room she suspected might be a wardrobe or something. But the walls, they where lined with bookshelves, books and books and books. He didn't have nightstand by the bed, but there was a whole pile of books stapled right next to it, and a glass of some brown liquid perched on top.

"It's nicer than I expected," she admitted.

"What did you expect exactly?" He narrowed his eyes, disappearing away behind the adjoining door. Erin looked at the other door, and spied a hallway outside. It was also lined with bookshelf's, filled to the brim.

"Something colder, darker."

She remembered one of the first time she'd talked to him, when he'd walked her back to Mor's apartment. When she'd thought of dark cell and rattling chains.

"Why would I want to live like that?" Azriel came back out into the room, buttoning up a shirt as he walked. Erin caught a glimpse of his well sculpted chest, and quickly averted her eyes.

"I even doubted you actually slept, I thought you might just fade away into the shadows," she said with a nod to the bed. She knew she should get to the point, but some part of her wanted to drag this out. To stay here, to tease him. To feel something else than the low panic simmering in the back of her mind.

"Oh I don't use the bed for sleeping."

Erin almost choked on the air in her lungs, heat rushing to her face as she coughed.

"I'm kidding Erin. I sleep sometimes, when I can." His voice softened, and she heard him coming closer. But she refused to look at him until the blush faded.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

"Did they-" She swallowed, eyes on he ground "The prisoners. Did they talk?"

"I-" Azriel seemed to stumble, and she watched him shift on his feet. "They did, if it's true."

"About the King, the Illyrian King?" Her head shot up "You don't think it's true?"

"Your friend told you?" Azriel's brows rose, a strand of hair falling onto his forehead. Up close she noticed the darkness under his eyes, the paleness of his skin. She wondered what he'd done to those prisoners.

"You don't think it's true?" She croaked again, voice breaking.

"The last Illyrian King died thousands of yeas ago, it's probably a trick to rally the clans to the cause."

"A trick," Erin mumbled. "They're still following the old ways."

"What do you mean?"

"Shaye, she didn't even do anything, they were just clipping the female wings, all of them." Her voice broke, Azriel took a step forward.

"They can't do that anymore Erin, your friend is safe. We've secured Southshield. They're safe."

Safe. None of them where safe.

"It doesn't matter who this King is, real or not. What happened to Shaye, what happened to the other females. That's real."

"I know, _we_ know Erin."

We. Them. They'd handle it. She felt something flickering deep in her stomach, a light coming to life. Azriel simply waited, eyes on her as she stood there.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

"Maybe you should get some sleep-" he started, hesitantly.

"Maybe _you_ should get some sleep!" She shot back, immediately biting her lip. Azriel's jaw flexed, the rising sun hitting his cheek.

"I'm sorry," she finally bit out. Azriel raised both brows this time, thoroughly surprised.

"For what, exactly?"

"I don't know, all of it," she groaned. She didn't know what to do with her arms, her feet, she wanted to sit down but the only place was his bed and there was no way she was getting close to that after what he'd said. "I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to do anything" he offered, she only glared in response.

"So I should just ignore the fact that I'm some kind of shadowsinger too?"

"You're not a shadowsinger." Azriel's voice had lost the stony tone from before, and turned softer, warmer.

"Then what am I?" She exclaimed, louder than she'd intended. Why the hell did he not have any chairs?

"I don't know," Azriel admitted. "I'm just as surprised as you are."

"Oh I doubt that," she grunted. Finally she stalked over to the balcony, the coldness of the morning air soothing her flushed face. She heard Azriel following, the balcony door creaking as he leaned against it. She slowly turned around to face him, resolutely. Amber eyes swimming in the back of her mind, such a stark contrast to the darkness enveloping him now.

She watched the shadows sneaking across his shoulders, the tip of his wings, across his arms.

"I need you to teach me how to control it… whatever _it_ is."The flickering inside her stomach flared, and she swallowed down the burning in her throat. "You're the only one I can ask. You where _there_ , you got me out of that place."

Azriel's tense face, the shadows thickening around him, told her enough of what he was thinking. She took one step closer, turning her chin up, ignoring the faint smell of blood on him, someone else's. She ignored the shuddering it sent through her.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

"Please."

She felt the heat from his body this close, and thought of them in the kitchen, it had only been two days ago. Two days ago he'd stood that close and whispered in her ear. Now everything had changed, and the way he refused to look down at her she knew that he felt it too.

"I'll try," he finally said, stepping away from her. Erin almost swayed.

"You'll teach me?"

"I said I'll try, I don't know if I can yet."

"Thank you," she breathed.

"Don't thank me yet. Now would you go home and get some sleep?" He begged, already inside and holding the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"I'll find you. _Go home_."

Then he shut the door in her face.

 **AN: So now you know, Azriel doesn't use his bed for sleeping.**

 **Also, there was some other stuff in this chapter kind of important, but I think that was the most important one. Don't you?**

 **Next chapter will probably be a double chapter, so there's that too. Oh, and I'm going to have to change the setting to M sometime during the coming chapters (you know, because of Azriel's bed). So if you're a member then please fav/follow to not miss the updates! And if you're not a member bookmark or something!**

 **Azriel's bed thanks you for all the reviews on the last chapter, you're the best.**


	17. Doubt

**Chapter 17: Doubt**

"So do you believe it?" Erin asked.

"I'm not sure what to believe, I'm not even sure it matters," Shaye mumbled. "The problem's are still the same either way right?" Her eyes fell back down into the book she was pouring over. Erin yanked softly to get her to raise her head again so she could finish the braid she was working on.

Shaye's hair was dark and thick, falling in beautiful waves. Exactly like Neira's. And Neira had thought Erin how to braid it properly a long time ago.

"I guess it's the same. But I think it must be a fake, someone's pretending. The last Illyrian King died thousands of years ago."

"Great," Shaye drawled, voice dripping with disdain. "There's still going to be a war."

"Maybe not, they're trying to prevent it."

"They? The High Lord? The General and the Shadowsinger? They might be powerful, but this war have been coming for as long as I can remember. I think it's too late to stop it"

Erin bit her lip, finishing up Shaye's braid and let her hands drop. She tried not to think about the healer's empty back, the void of wings. She knew it too, deep down, she knew it was too late to stop it.

"What are you reading anyway?" She sighed, getting up from the bed and stretching her legs. She'd spent the last few days in there with Shaye, she was healing well but her balance was off. Readjusting to the lack of the weight of the wings was hard and Erin had spent most her time helping her.

"Madja lent it to me. I never knew, I never knew there was so much more to learn. I knew there was more but _this,_ " Shaye's eyes danced. Erin could only stare in awe, how she'd managed to immerse herself, found a purpose in her life after what had happened to her…

But Shaye had aways had a purpose, she'd always been a healer. She just kept doing it, she did't need her wings for that.

"Madja said she'd take me in, as her apprentice, when my balance is good enough," Shaye smiled faintly, tucking the book in under her leg and turning towards Erin.

"That's great," Erin grinned, genuinely happy.

"And when I do, you won't be able to spend your days hiding in here anymore," Shaye arched a perfect brow.

"I'm not hiding" Erin slid down lower, almost half lying across the bed. "I'm just… laying low."

"Well you shouldn't. You should be spending your time figuring out your powers. You know what happens when you don't learn to control them, it's extremely dangerous."

Erin remembered a young male in their camp, surprisingly powerful for his looks. He'd blasted half the town out once, still without his siphons.

"Illyrian powers are deadly and uncontrollable, if you don't learn how to use it you'll be a danger to yourself and those around you."

"I will! I will!" Erin exclaimed, she wanted to, really. She wanted to focus on something. She hated doing nothing, she hated hiding out here in this room. But she hadn't even seen a glimpse of Azriel or his shadows these past days. "I-" she looked over at Shaye "Have you ever heard of female with powers before?"

"No", Shaye shrugged.

"But you still don't seem surprised?" Erin narrowed her eyes, and Shaye took a deep breath.

"We're all built the same way, there is no reason why Illyrian females wouldn't have the same powers as the males."

"So why don't they?"

"Because we've never had the chance to find out." Shaye's voice dropped "The young males are pushed into the training ring the moment they're old enough to walk, and we are either put in the kitchen or the laundryhouse. The males are pushed to their limits, figuring out the extent of their powers early on and honing them. The females are thought to keep their heads down, to stay silent and submissive. We might have been suppressing powers for generations without knowing it."

Erin blinked, she'd never thought of that. Never thought it might just be that simple.

"So you better get working, you're years behind Erin."

…

Shaye had basically shoved her out of the room after their talk, she'd probably been eager to return to her book. Erin _had_ spent a lot of time in there the last two days, she'd told herself it was because she wanted to help Shaye, to make sure she was okay. But Shaye didn't need her, didn't need her fussing, she was fine. All by herself.

Erin envied the way her eyes drew the knowledge from that book, how the healer would go on to practice that knowledge, use it to save people.

Meanwhile Erin had learned nothing of her strange powers, she'd tried, a little. But she had absolutely no idea where to start. And to be entirely truthful she was scared, scared of getting stuck in that place, the Shift.

She'd avoided everyone, even Mor. But she'd barely been home the last few days so that hadn't been hard. But the only one Erin wanted to see, seemed to have dropped from the face of the earth.

She hadn't seen so much as a flicker of a shadow these last few days, not since he'd shut that door straight in her face and told her to go home. Erin had shuffled back home, and waited. But he'd never turned up. This morning she asked Mor about him, but she'd only said that he was away, handling the situation in Illyria.

They where all handling it. Them. Erin knew she was benched, put into the corner. She'd screwed up and they didn't trust her anymore. If they ever had.

Erin let out a lot growl as she stalked down the street, her wings rustling behind her. She was tired of waiting, tired of having no company but the tangled thoughts in her head and sleepless nights. She didn't want to go home, didn't want to go home and lay in her bed and pretend to sleep as her mind went round and round in circles.

Her parents ransacked grave, she had no answers. The rebellion in Illyria, she could do nothing.

But her powers, that was the only thing she could do anything about. If the damn Shadowsinger could show up.

She didn't realize it, but she'd stalked straight by Mor's apartment, already heading downtown. She stretched her wings behind her, and felt no pain in her ribs. She shot into the sky.

Flying had always been soothing before, soothing or thrilling, whatever she'd needed it to be. But as she surfed the winds across the rooftops, she felt neither.

She reached Azriel's apartment building quickly by flight, and landed directly on the balcony. Her pulse thrummed in her ears from the flight. At least that's what she told herself as she banged on the balcony doors.

She waited for a second, but heard no noises from inside, dead as the night. She huffed in annoyance, of course he wasn't home.

Pulse still pounding in her ears and ribcage she swirled on the balcony. Should she just wait out here? She didn't want to sit outside all night _waiting_ for him.

She reached out to tug the handle, and to her surprise the door swung open. Unlocked.

She narrowed her eyes, but stepped inside slowly. She paused in the doorway and listened again. Why wouldn't he lock his door? Maybe he didn't care, maybe no one dared to break in here anyway.

She refused to look at the unmade bed as she closed the door behind her, the one he didn't use for sleeping.

She almost felt queasy, and quickly stalked through the bedroom and into the corridor outside. The corridor walls were lined with bookshelf's from floor to ceiling, and the scent of musky old books mingled with the scent of _him_.

She trailed her fingers across the backs of the books as she walked down the hallway. There was so _many_. Old, new, big and small. Books of fact, books of love, books of war. He had them all, and she didn't recognize any of them.

Erin knew how to read better than many Illyrians, but she'd still never used it much. Not since she left Southshield.

She wondered if he'd read all of them.

Somehow she knew he probably had.

The hallway opened up into a living room, not very big but with large windows flooding the room with light. A large black marble fireplace in the corner. This too was scarcely decorated, a deep blue sofa and matching armchair. A low dark wooden table, also scattered with books. A half drunk cup of tea perched on top one of the books. One that looked particularly old.

She swept closer, picking up the cold mug and fished out the book from under. _The History of Old Illyria,_ the title read in metallic letters. Gold against the deep red cover texture.

She suddenly felt like an intruder. She knew she was, but suddenly she _felt_ it. She'd touched his things, moved his things, she felt like she'd walked in on his thoughts somehow.

She set the book down with the cup on top, just as before. Then she kept walking down the hall, she spied a closet by the front door, but headed into the kitchen on the other side.

It was surprisingly big, and surprisingly well stocked. He had food, all kinds of them and- she almost smiled to herself as she saw them- cookbooks. Cooking books in row after row inside the cupboards and on the kitchen table.

The sun flowed in there too, and something glittered in her peripheral vision.

She closed the cupboard she'd been snooping in, wondering if he actually knew how to make blueberry-honey waffles. The sun caught on something on the table, the glittering almost blinding as she looked straight at it. It looked like some kind of gem stone, or some kind of jewelry. She moved over to pick it up, but she froze as her fingers brushed the cold surface of the stone.

This wasn't jewelry, wasn't a jewel.

It was baking in the setting sun, but the surface was cold as ice against her fingertips.

She immediately drew back, as if she'd been stung.

That was a siphon.

It looked surprisingly plain, surprisingly worthless just laying there on the table. It was dull in color, grey, lifeless.

For some reason she didn't dare touch it. She'd never seen a gray siphon before, they had always been glowing, pulsing with life, with power. Destructive power.

"How do you expect to learn how to use one if you won't even touch it?" A voice drawled, and she jumped high.

"Shit." She leapt around, cursing herself for letting him sneak up on her again. The shadows where fading quickly around him, he must have appeared straight into the hallway.

"I live here you know, you're the intruder," he raised a brow. He was clad in his Illyrian leathers, mud splattered on the boots and his hair looked tousled, wind swept.

"I got tired of waiting." She admitted, trying to regain her composure. He must have come straight from Illyria, all seven of his siphons gleaming in the sunlight. Full of life. "You said you'd find me. I've waited for two days."

"I've been busy, and I didn't say _when,_ " he shot back. Not quite a smile, but something close played on his lips. She gritted her teeth, her earlier annoyance rising to the surface again.

"How come when I don't want your help, you're impossible to get rid of. And when I do want your help, you're nowhere to be found?"

The half smile grew into a smirk on his lips, but he didn't answer as he turned around and walked off down the corridor. Erin's scowl dropped in surprise.

"Hey!" She shot to the door quickly to catch up with him as he stalked away towards the living room. "Stop avoiding me"

"I've been away for two days, I'd like to change out of these clothes." He stopped abruptly, and she almost crashed straight into his back. His wing brushed her stomach as he turned. "Either you wait here, quietly, or you'll go back home and I'll come find you tomorrow."

"I can't wait until tomorrow," she bit out.

"That's what I thought," he sighed. His eyes grazed over her, maybe he noticed that her eyes where just as bloodshot as his, just as dark from sleepless nights. "The siphon's yours, first step is you touch it without flinching."

"It's mine?" She almost stumbled out in surprise.

Azriel smiled slowly again, a little of the darkness fading from his eyes, a little of the tenseness in his jaw easing. "I knew you wouldn't be able to wait, I'm surprised it took you this long."

Erin could only gape as he walked off, footsteps unusually heavy for him. He'd gotten that siphon for her?

She slowly walked back into the kitchen, ignoring the rustling from Azriel's bedroom as he moved around. And then the water being turned on. Again, she felt like an intruder, if water was running in the bath then it meant that he was…

She swallowed, shaking her head furiously.

The sun had set enough so that the siphon wasn't caught in the light anymore, and it looked even duller. The surface was smooth, stainless as she inspected it closer. She couldn't imagine anything this lifeless to hold any kind of power at all.

Still, her hand shook as she reached out to touch it.

Gilron had three siphons, more than most warriors, all of them in a deep, deep red color. Darker than blood. She'd always found them so intimidating, so unattainable. She remembered them flashing in the darkness as his wings blocked the sun. Remembered them glinting above her as he drove his blade straight through her wing.

She trailed a shaking finger alongside the lifeless siphon before her.

Still cold, but so cold it felt like burning. She forced herself to grab the stone, letting it lay flat on her palm. The burning sensation didn't fade where the stone touched her skin, but her skin didn't even turn red in contact. She closed her fingers around the stone, taking a deep breath.

It felt heavy, a lot heavier than expected from a stone the size of a large pendant.

Now what?

The stone kept burning in her hand, almost pulsating, but she kept her grip on it. She heard water splashing from the other side of the apartment. She pushed away any kind of mental image before it could form completely.

Not that it would have been correct anyway, she'd never even seen a male completely naked before.

She shook her head again, heartbeat quickening as she made her way back into the living room with fast steps. The stone kept pulsating into her hand but she refused to let it go. She held onto it even harder waiting for the flush to fade from her face.

She picked up the book on the table again, the one about Old Illyria, setting aside the cup above it. She sat down on the sofa, spreading the book in her lap, still holding onto the stone.

The book was partly withered, the papers frail to her touch as she carefully turned the pages. The letters where small, some of them weird and unrecognizable to her. The sentences swam before her eyes, and the sound of water dripping onto the floor and heavy wings rustling kept her from concentrating.

Still, even if she'd barely read a word except for the first few sentences, she tried to look deeply immersed into the book as Azriel's footsteps came back into the living room. He paused for a second, but she kept her eyes on the faded letters.

She knew he was about to say something as he took a breath, and before he got the chance, she opened her palm. She held it up for him to see the stone in her palm, still not averting her eyes from the book.

She could almost hear the words he swallowed.

"Good book?" he said instead.

"Delightful" she drawled, finally turning her head up. Nothing about Illyria was either good or delightful. They both knew that. Azriel was hovering in the doorway, he'd washed and changed into a soft grey sweater and black pants. His feet bare.

Erin wondered if she'd ever seen a grown Illyrian male barefoot before.

"Is there something wrong with my feet?" Azriel muttered, arms crossing over his chest. Erin immediately withdrew her eyes. A faint blush creeping up her cheeks again.

"Nope."

He gave her an incredulous look, eyes slightly narrowed as he put his hands in his pockets and walked over. He sat down on the armchair, wings stretching out behind the back. She waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

"So what _now?_ "

"Look at the siphon" he mumbled, leaning back in the armchair. The way he moved she knew he was tired. So she wallowed her annoyance and turned her hand over, the stone deftly staring back at her.

"What about it?"

"Closer," he ordered. Erin swallowed some snide remark at that tone, and signed as she held the stone up into the light.

The irritation washed away as she turned it over, and something glimmered inside. Something that hadn't been there before. A tiny, tiny flicker, like a flame.

"What is _that_?" she breathed.

"That's you, or your power to be more exact," Azriel said softly.

"What?" she faltered, eyes still fixed on that tiny flicker.

"The siphons are empty, they have no power on their own. It's only an instrument for you to hone your power, to make it more precise, more controllable. This siphon is getting used to you, it's getting used to your power. You're-," he paused for a second. "You're connecting with it."

"Really?" she said in surprise.

"Keep it on you from now on, get used to it. The weight, the feel, everything. Then we'll try working with it."

"Okay" she closed her hand around the siphon, it hummed between her fingers. Less burning now, but a soft warmth like… like a heartbeat in her hand. It pulsed to the rhythm of her own heart.

She reached to put it in her pocket, but Azriel sat up in his chair. "Not there, you need to keep it skin to skin in the beginning."

"But-" she started to object, she couldn't walk around holding it in her hand all the time. But Azriel had leaned forward, and fished something out of his pocket.

Erin stared as he held out a silver chain with a small locket, dangling it over the table. But it wasn't the chain that caught her eyes, but his hands.

They where scarred, all over, scars long since healed but still gruesome.

The chain crinkled as it dropped to the table, Azriel withdrawing his hand quickly. The shadows swept out around him as he put them back in his pockets, lips pressed into a thin line.

"Take it," he ordered. "Elain made it for you to wear the siphon on."

Erin immediately snatched the necklace up, turning her head down as she attached the stone to the pendant. Who had done that to him?

She racked her brain, she'd never seen him without gloves on before. Was this why? Judging by the way his face had turned to stone at her reaction, he didn't want to talk about it. So she busied herself with the necklace and the stone, until she'd assembled it properly.

"Does Cassian know you're here?" Azriel asked, as she finally pushed her hair away to put the necklace on.

"Not unless you've told him," she admitted, too silent.

"You should tell him." He finally looked at her again, face still set in stone. Erin clenched her jaw in response.

"Why? He told me to get my powers under control, and that's what I'm doing."

"You should still talk to him" Azriel said evenly. "He's-"

"He's not in charge of me" Erin cut him off. "He doesn't decide what I do. I don't need his permission."

"Cassian is your _brother._ "

Erin shot up, the book falling from her knee and onto the floor. "Did _you_ ask for his permission before you showed up in my bedroom in the middle of the night?"

Azriel's stony eyes was enough of an answer for her, and she bit the inside of her cheek before she bent down to pick up the book.

"Cassian's not in charge of me. But if you want to talk to him, then you do it," she grunted. "I don't care either way."

Azriel sighed, deeply. "I'll tell him tomorrow. That we're working on understanding your powers."

"Whatever," she muttered in response.

The sun had almost set by now, and the living room had grown dim, reddish in the sunset rays. The light reflected in Azriel's still wet hair, his eyes. They almost glittered amber in this light.

She took a deep breath. "And the rest of my powers?"

"I'll do what I can to help, but I can't promise anything."

She shifted on her feet, the words sticking to her tongue. "You promise? You won't disappear again?"

Azriel's head shot up, eyes meeting hers, maybe surprised by the change in her tone. The rawness of it. He stared at her for so long she almost regretted it.

"I promise."

.

.

.

 **Part 2**

Erin leaned against the wall outside his building. The sun had just risen across the rooftops and kept her comfortably warm as she let her head fall back against the wall and closed her eyes.

She's slept a little, and deep once she'd managed to calm down enough to actually fall asleep. But a few good hours had not made up for days of barely no sleep, and she was still feeling stiff and slow.

Her fingers went to the pendant, the siphon, resting heavily just below her collarbone. She'd felt it all night, felt it pound like a little heartbeat, felt it grow warmer and warmer. And when she'd finally tumbled out of bed an hour earlier, she'd almost gasped.

It had turned into a deep, heavy purple tone. Right now it looked like a small little plum around her neck. She wondered if the color had anything to to with her powers, what it meant. Azriel's siphons glowed deeply blue, Cassian's in a fiery red color. And Gilron's… a deep reddish brown tone that had alway looked like the color of blood to her.

She scented the shadowsinger before she heard him, his feet naturally light as he came out the door. Erin let her hand drop, pushing away from the wall as Azriel's eyes flickered over her quickly. She felt kind of weird seeing him like this, in the clear morning light. He looked almost normal, his shadows so faded she might even have missed them if she didn't know they where there.

"Is this okay to wear?" she asked as a way of greeting as he closed the door behind him. She'd forgone the fighting leathers for her usual training gear. Black tights in a thick but stretchy material, boots with a good sole, a long sleeved tight fitted sweater and a vest. She'd already noted that he wasn't wearing his fighting leathers, but he didn't exactly look like he was ready for exercise either.

"That's fine," he nodded.

"You sure?" she eyed his black pants, shirt and jacket. "You didn't tell me what kind of training we'd be doing so I didn't know what to-"

"It's fine," he sighed, almost inaudible.

"But you're dressed… normal," she exclaimed in surprise. Azriel only arched one brow in response, a silent question. She let out a breath, there was no use.

He started walking, swift long steps that had her almost jogging to catch up.

"Where are we going?"

"For a walk."

"A walk?" She scoffed. "We don't have time for a walk."

"Of course we do, you're not going to master your powers anytime in the next hour."

"I'd like to start," she muttered. The siphon swayed around her neck as she finally managed o match his pace.

"Then start," he shrugged, turning his head towards the rising sun. Erin's brows rose, she knew he was up to something.

"You're supposed to tell me _how,_ " she chided, trying to keep the sting from her voice.

"When did I say that I'd do that?" Azriel smirked, giving her a subtle smirk. The temper she'd tried to suppress washed over her like a wave. She quickly whipped her face away, trying to hide the redness of her skin.

That stupid smirk.

She followed him down the road, passing houses that came less and less frequently. The sun climbed quickly across the sky, and soon she'd grown warm in her clothes. Glad that she hadn't put on her thick jacket.

Her eyes flickered to Azriel's hand, so close she could've reached out and touched it if she wanted. He was wearing gloves, despite the warmth. She wondered if he always wore them.

"Why are we walking?" She finally groaned, prying her eyes from his gloved hands. She rustled her wings behind her, a quiet reminder that walking wasn't the obvious option.

"It's a nice day, walking is good sometimes."

"But it's so _slow_ " she groaned, louder than she'd intended. At least training with Cassian had always been fast paced.

Azriel didn't answer, only shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to walk.

She stopped. "Is this some kind of lesson?"

"Keep walking." He called, already several steps ahead.

Erin grumbled, seriously considering taking to the skies just because she could. But she'd barely gotten the shadowsinger to help her, she couldn't afford to start pissing him off this early in the day. So she took a deep breath, then stalked after him, dust flying in her wake.

They walked for hours, until her throat was dry and the grassy hills became a forest. A different kind of forest then she was used to. This was green, lush and so very very alive. The sun seeped through the treetops in glinting patterns on the ground as they trudged on in silence.

She heard the animals around them, a hare, a deer, the birds chirping. She'd never thought there could be this much noise when it wasn't drowned out by the deafening winds.

Somewhere, between biting back questions and grunts at the shadowsinger and admiring the forest, she started to breathe.

Not just breathe, but _breathe_ , the fresh air, the calmness, the scents. The flickering flame in her stomach, the faint burning in her hands and feet faded. A burning she'd gotten so used to she didn't even know it was there until it went away. She felt calm, relaxed even.

She couldn't even remember the last time she'd felt relaxed.

She fished the siphon out from under her vest, and turned it over in the faded sunlight. It hummed in her hand, and glowed steadily straight back at her. No longer the flickering little light deep in the middle, but strong and consistent.

She caught Azriel turning away just as she dropped the pendant back under her vest.

"Not that this isn't lovely, but don't you have more important things to do?" She said, her voice loud in the silent forest. "I thought you'd want to speed this up."

"You wanted me to help you control this," he pointed out. "And if we're doing this, we're doing it right."

"How do you know what's the right way if you're not even sure what I am?" She rolled her eyes at his back.

"I know what the wrong way is," he shrugged. "And we're not doing it like that."

She inhaled. How the hell did he always give answers that only led to more questions. She hated it when people spoke in riddles.

"And what is the wrong way?" she implored, just as the forest opened up before them.

The trees spread apart as they came out on a hill. Erin slowed her pace as the wind hit her face, blowing away her irritation. Below them was a large clearing, and down the hill a river made it's way down to a lake below.

"The wrong way," Azriel started, a little louder than before to topple the sound of the cascading water below. "Is to bring your powers out by force."

"What do you mean?" she looked up at him in surprise.

"Your powers emerged because you where in distress back in Southshield, they where forced out against your will. If you're powers are only controlled by your emotions they'll be unpredictable and destructive, even with a siphon."

Erin's hand went to the siphon around her neck, covering the stone with her hand and felt it hum. The shadows flickered around Azriel as he followed her every move.

"Isn't that how the males learn?" she breathed. "They're thrown into the fighting ring and pushed until they figure out their powers?"

Azriel only looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"You don't think I could handle that?" She bit out.

"Most of the males don't have your kind of powers. I was already a Shadowsinger when I was thrown into the ring. I learned that part by myself."

She chewed the inside of her lip, letting go of the siphon and gazing down at the water, a silent question.

"You should be able to practice here. The water will serve a damper against the blast, if the blast comes again when you try to enter the shift. And when you do, maybe it will help you remember where you are, if you can still feel it."

"I couldn't feel the ground the last time," she protested.

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But you'll have to learn how to control the shift, when you do it and when you want to get out."

Right. Her response fell from her lips. She knew he was right, she knew she should just listen to him. She'd asked him to help her, but she just… hated it. Hated that she needed to ask for his help. Hated that it always had to be _him_ rescuing her over and over again.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._ Cassian's words rang through her head once again, and she took a deep breath.

"Tell me what to do."

.

.

.

Erin cursed the Shadowsinger out loud.

The foul word echoed back at her even above the sounds of the water around her. The trees seemed to lean forward, sniggering at her in the wind.

He'd left here there, in the middle of the lake, ankle deep in water.

She cursed again, even fouler, just because she could. Maybe his shadows would hear it and report back to him.

They'd flown down the hill, and she'd thought he was crazy when he headed straight for the middle of the lake. But he'd landed in the middle, and as she splashed down too she found a cliff under the water, smoothed and honed after years under the surface.

Still, the water was a few centimeters deep and cold, especially after standing in it for about an hour. He'd left after telling her to relax, to breathe, and to try to find a way to enter the shift. He wanted her to visualize the door, the door that had once gotten her out of the shift.

She'd been _visualizing_ for an hour in the cold water, and he still wasn't back.

Stupid shadowsinger. Stupid night court. Stupid shift.

Stupid useless Siphon.

It kept humming, pulsing against her collarbone, almost tauntingly as she breathed. Deep, controlled breaths.

The flickering would start in her stomach, burning out through her body towards her hands and feet, and then she'd think of that damned door, visualizing herself walking straight through it.

Then the flicker would die, snuffed out like candle. Her body growing cold.

Her feet had started go numb, and her body had started to ache from standing and walking for so long. And she was hungry, so hungry. It was already mid-day judging by the sun, and she hadn't eaten since early that morning.

Still, she stood there for about another hour, checking the sun above her to measure the time.

He still didn't show, and another hour passed.

Screw this.

The sun crossed over her as she growled out loud, finally shooting out of the water and into the sky. She shook like dog, spraying droplets across the lake. He could at least have told her to wear water resistant boots.

Her stomach howled emptily at her as she flew up the hill, pausing for just a second at the top. She'd give him one minute, one minute to come back.

He didn't, and she stretched her wings, shaking the last of the water off and stamped off.

She sailed across the treetops, letting the sun warm her body as she flew back to Velaris. It hadn't worked, not at all. Maybe Azriel was wrong, maybe this wasn't the right way. Maybe she had to do it like all the others Illyrians, pushed to her limits.

Maybe she couldn't to it at all.

She tried to let the howling wind deafen her thoughts as she flew all the way home, it didn't even take a third of the time it had to walk. Just like she'd thought.

She barely noted that Mor wasn't home as she banged the door open to the apartment, stalking straight in and pulling the still wet shoes off. They splattered to the ground, spraying mud and water on the floor.

She wanted to rip the siphon off too, but as she felt it buzz between her fingers, she just let it hang there. Ignoring it as she went to the kitchen, diving straight into the fridge.

She wolfed down the food, barely tasting it. Still not able to quench the temper that flared in her chest.

The siphon wasn't useless, she was. She hadn't even been able to control this with Azriel's help. She couldn't do anything.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

The dishes clattered as she dropped them into the sink, her hands closing around the edge as she leaned against the counter. Her pulse echoed in her ears.

He'd known. He'd know she'd given up. He'd know she wasn't good enough.

She groaned, sinking down to the floor, covering her head with her arms. His own damned fault, for leaving here there in the water. He'd barely even helped her. Telling someone to relax and visualize a door wasn't really constructive.

With Cassian, it had been clear, easy. Go up, go down, swipe to the side, block that, duck that.

She'd understood that, combat training had come easy, the movements effortlessly printing into her brain and her muscles. Not that it had helped her when it mattered.

Arathon had easily disarmed her in Southshield. She'd been useless.

She ignored the dried tears on her cheeks as she finally stood up. Her body felt heavy, her feet leaden as she trudged through the apartment to her room. She dropped her clothes straight onto the floor in her room, then dragged her wings behind her as she went to the bathroom.

She ran the water hot, scorchingly hot as she filled the tub.

The deafening heat felt good as she stepped in, slowly sliding down until the water reached her jaw, wings wrapped around herself under the water. The siphon bounced against her collarbone under the water, glinting tauntingly back at her.

She bit her cheek, burning flaring in her chest.

 _Young. Inexperienced. Thoughtless. Reckless._

She had another word, _useless_.

The siphon flared as she balled her fists under the water, heart pounding hard against her ribcage.

The water had been almost hurtfully hot as she stepped in, but now it suddenly felt cold. Her skin prickling all over, and her feet and hands starting to itch.

She gripped the edge of the bathtub, taking a shaky breath, the air felt cold against her throat.

She couldn't do anything. Just like before, just like when they came for her father. She'd been useless then. She'd been useless when her mother died.

She'd been useless when Gilron pinned her to the ground in the forest.

Her chest heaved and pounded so hard she thought it might break. The room swayed around her as she clenched her eyes shut, fingers digging hard into the porcelain.

She'd been useless when he'd bit down into her throat. She hadn't been able to do anything to save herself as his wings had flared, and she'd drowned in the darkness.

Her eyes shot open, the water in the bathtub was boiling.

Then the siphon flared under her chin, the light drowning out the darkness in her mind.

This time she felt it, felt it through the deafening pounding of her heart. Felt it through the burning in her limbs and veins.

She felt her body lighten, felt the air around her change. Felt it as the room around her became void.

She felt it all as she shifted.

.

.

.

The burning faded away into an echo. The room faded to nothingness around her.

The bathtub disappeared below her, and her arms fell to the ground. A ground she could not feel.

She sat on the nothingness ground and breathed through the pounding in her chest. She'd watched the world fade this time, seen and felt it as she crossed into the shift. She'd been so engrossed the panic had washed away like a wave, left back there, in the other world.

She took another deep breath, and her eyes dropped to the siphon. It glowed steadily around her neck.

Her eyes dropped lower, to her completely naked body, still wet. Water dripped from her wings and her hair as she got to her feet. She rustled them behind her.

She couldn't feel the water, or the bathtub around her, but she could feel that she was in a room. Could make out the distinct look of walls and ceiling around her through the void.

Okay. Now what.

She realized she had absolutely no idea.

She felt strangely relaxed, despite the deafening whiteness around her. The burning had faded, and taking the panic with it as she shifted. This place didn't seem as daunting this time. It felt almost… peaceful.

Peaceful. Safe.

There was something calming in knowing that no one could reach her here. There was no howling wind, no piecing cold. No nothing.

Last time it had scared her. But not now.

She reached her arm out, reaching for what she thought might be a wall, but felt nothing.

She felt absolutely nothing, a deafening calm.

And then she felt something.

In just a blink, she went from feeling the emptiness stretching out before her, to feeling _something_. Felt something there, felt it in the waves rippling through the void like water.

She was too busy sorting it out, the rippling, the feeling of just knowing. The exhilaration that flowed through her. Too busy taking it all in to be surprised as she shadows came curling through the void. So dark against the whiteness.

She was too busy marveling at the way it felt as she reacher her hand out, letting a shadow snake around her wrist. Curiously she turned her hand over, watching the shadow dance around her fingertips. She felt it, almost nibbling at her fingers, it seemed just as curious as she was.

She felt them explore her wings, travel down her neck and move up her arm.

Then in an instant, they retreated.

She whisked around to watch as they swiftly hurried through the void as one.

Back to their master.

.

 **AN:**

 **IMPORTANT - I'll be changing the rating to M before the next chapter. Fanfiction's standard setting is K-T so remember to put it to 'All' or 'M' if you want to see any updates. And favorite and follow so you don't miss anything, especially not now when things are heating up... I mean, I'm changing the settings to Mature for a reason hehe.**

 **I'll also be changing the story description a little bit. Just so you know! And if you're reading as a guest you can always bookmark the story.**

 **Also, is Azriel going to se Erin naked? omg**


	18. Awakening

**Chapter 18: Awakening**

A moment passed. Just one, where amber eyes met her's across the void. Then they dropped down.

If she hadn't completely forgotten that she was naked, she would probably have been too embarrassed to notice that his eyes lingered for just another moment. Might not have noticed the molted amber eyes turning faded. Hungry.

And that look kept her from wrapping her wings around her, kept her from shielding herself from his eyes. She primal part of her deep down awakening at that.

Didn't want too until he swerved away from her, hand going up to his face.

The realization washed over her harder than the embarrassment.

Oh god.

She unfroze, wrapping her wings around herself tightly.

Oh god.

He cleared his throat, or coughed.

Oh god.

" _Why_ are you _naked_?" Azriel croaked, once again clearing his throat.

"I was taking a bath!" She exclaimed, a flush covering her from head till toe now.

"Oh for god's sake," he muttered tensely. Still with his back against her he shrugged out of his jacket, holding it out behind him without turning around. She hesitated, feet rooted into the nothingness.

"Will you please take it?" He groaned.

"Fine," she huffed. Almost tiptoeing over to grab the jacket, wings still wrapped tightly around herself. She ignored the shadows around him, seemingly peeking over his shoulder as she turned her back on him too pull it on.

It smelled like him, of course, and her face heated again. His scent against her naked skin, naked breasts, naked hips.

"Are you decent?" he mumbled, just as she let the jacket fall over her hips. It easily covered everything down to her upper thigh.

"As decent as I can manage," she almost hissed back. She tugged at the jacket as he turned around slightly, as if checking. She could barely look at him as he finally turned to face her, and instead she wrung the water out of her wet hair.

"And why where you at home bathing and not back at the lake?" He raised a brow, eyes just grazing past her then focusing on the nothingness behind her.

"Because you left me there!" she exclaimed. Her earlier anger came rushing back, the anger she'd placed on him even though she knew she was just mad at herself. But she didn't want to hold back now. "It didn't work, your stupid breathing and visualization didn't work!"

He clenched his jaw, arms crossed in front of him. Erin didn't want to look at the muscle rippling beneath his shirt. "Your way didn't work," she repeated coldly.

He didn't say anything, a lock of hair falling down on his forehead as he turned his head to the side. Looking at something she couldn't see. She suddenly realized that maybe he could see something she didn't, maybe this void was different too him.

"What happened when you shifted, exactly?" he asked.

"I don't know!" she groaned. "I was in the bath and the water started boiling and then I was here!"

"You must have felt something, you're shifting when your emotions are heightened. That's what I wanted to avoid-"

"Well too bad." she cut him off. Harshly. She regretted it immediately, but didn't take it back. He finally turned back towards her, looking straight at her.

"What where you thinking about?"

"Nothing" she lied. There was no way he'd understand. No way he'd understand what it felt like, to be useless. To be able to do nothing.

"Fine, don't tell me," he grunted. He sounded annoyed. "Then tell me what you see now."

"The shift?" She cocked an eyebrow, once again pulling at the jacket. His eyes darted to her hands, then quickly away.

"Be more precise, what to you feel? Can you see the room around you?"

"No, I think I can feel that I'm in a room, but I can't see where I am. It's all foggy. And I couldn't feel the water, or the bathtub. It faded away."

"Okay," he nodded. "Anything else?"

"I felt it, when you shifted. I think. Like a wave," she swallowed. He only nodded in response. "Do you see the room? Do you see beyond the shift?"

"I can, if I want too."

"That's how you spy on people?" She commented, brows raised. She thought he almost rolled his eyes.

"Yes."

"Creepy," she mumbled, turning away from him just as his eyes snapped to her.

"Really Erin?"

She hoped he didn't notice her pause, hoped he didn't notice that her cheeks flushed as he said her name. Even in that wry tone, from his lips, it sent a shiver through her. Suddenly she was once again painfully aware that she was naked under the jacket.

"You should probably be serious, if you ever want to get out of here," he drawled, and the flush faded.

"What about the blast, I don't think there was one this time. I didn't feel it," she turned back.

"Probably absorbed by your siphon" Azriel nodded to the pendant. "You should decide what to use it for"

"What?"

"The energy power, with the siphon you could form it to different things. Most choose weapons, but there are shields, armor, anything you'd want I guess."

"You have one for everything," she pointed out. She thought of the seven siphons he usually adorned.

Azriel didn't look at her. "What more do you see?"

"Why do you need so many siphons?" she urged. Gilron had three, and that had been the most she'd ever seen anyone wear before Azriel and Cassian.

"You should concentrate on the shift, if you don't manage to get out of it soon you'll catch a cold."

"No I won't," she turned her head to the side. "It's not cold."

"You should still put some clothes on" he said, his voice dropping. "Your own clothes."

"Oh I'm sorry if my being naked offends you," she answered dryly. "You'd think a five hundred year old male would have seen enough naked females not to be all fussy about it."

She bit her lip. Oh why was she saying these things. Why didn't she just shut up. Why couldn't she stop herself. She didn't have to keep antagonizing him.

Azriel's shoulders tensed. "I'm not _offended."_ he grumbled _. "_ And I am _not_ fussy"

"Right," she drawled with an eyeroll. Her voice calm but her mind running amok. Stop antagonizing him. Stop teasing. Stop everything. Do what he says.

"Then why are you blushing?" The words left her mouth before she could stop them, that now familiar flickering inside her awakening. She bit the inside of her mouth, almost drawing blood as she cursed herself.

Why.

Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut. She'd been so good at it for nineteen years before she came to Velaris.

"I am not blushing" he almost spat out. But even as he turned away, she saw the redness on his cheeks. The flaring inside her rejoiced. It wanted more. It loved the flush still covering the spymasters cheek as he turned back to her, brows narrowed, hair falling down on his forehead.

For a moment she might have forgotten who he was, the old powerful shadowsinger. She might have thought he was just another Illyrian like her, young and uncertain. For a moment, she gazed at those amber eyes, and felt something inside her straining.

Then he finally said, with a dangerous calm "If you ever want to get out of here, you should probably start _visualizing_."

Whatever that had been, it snapped.

"I said that didn't work!" she growled.

"That's how you got out of here the last time, remember?" He arched an eyebrow. She grit her teeth.

"Not really." Most of it had been a hazy, panic flooded fog.

Azriel sighed, shoulders heaving.

"Imagine a door. Or an archway, a gate. Anything you'd usually walk through. You're not actually walking through something, you're just phasing through the shift. But it helps to visualize the act of actually walking through something."

Erin let out a breath too, maybe because his voice had warmed slightly. But also because she kind of remembered a door, or a wall. Something. She definitely remember a feeling, like the one when she'd crossed into the shift.

She didn't say anything as she closed her eyes, and tried to imagine a door. Just a door, any door.

She practically felt him watching her.

"I can't concentrate when you're looking at me."

He sighed, loudly, but she heard his clothes rustle as he turned away.

She thought of her door. She thought of the door to their cottage in Southshield. She thought of the warmth that had always embraced her as she stepped over the threshold.

She felt it all as she shifted.

She opened her eyes, and watched the veil thin around her, watched the white nothingness fade, felt it fade. Felt the tiled floor materialize under her feet. Felt it as she stubbed her toe on the bathtub.

She let out a low curse, just as the Shadowsinger materialized beside her.

Suddenly the bathroom felt extremely crowded. His wings would probably touch each wall if he spread them out.

"You moved" he stated. Seemingly unbothered by the fact that they where both pressed into the bathroom, tiled walls locking them in.

"Moved where?" she narrowed her eyes. She was still in the bathroom.

"You said you shifted in the bath right?" his eyes flickered to the bathtub between them, still filled with water. "And now you're beside it. Which means you moved through the shift"

"Oh," she breathed. She did't quite know what kind of difference it made, but by the thoughtful look on his now dark eyes. He did.

They both heard the keys in the front door, and they both shifted. Azriel's eyes quickly swept over her, then cleared his throat.

"I'm going. You should change into something dry. We'll keep going tomorrow."

"But-" Erin opened her mouth to stop him, but he'd already vanished.

The door creaked open, followed by light footsteps and then it slammed shut. Erin looked down at the jacket, Azriel's jacket.

"Erin?" Mor called out, voice dancing. Of course she already heard that Erin was there, but they'd fallen into the habit of announcing themselves anyway.

"Yeah I'm here," she called back, and bolted for the door. "I'm just going to put something on!"

She fled across the hallway and into her room, closing the door tightly behind her. She shrugged the jacket off and threw it alway across the room, it tumbled down on the floor. She quickly pulled on underwear, black tights and a thick sweater. She was a little cold, the burning inside her had turned ashen.

"Hey," she called as she walked into the kitchen. Mor was already making tea, two cups on the counter.

"Hi," Mor smiled warmly "I've barely seen you these last few days."

"You've been busy, it's understandable." Erin waved it away, sitting down on one of the chairs and pulling her leg up to wrap her arms around.

"It's been…" Mor sighed "A lot."

Erin let her eyes step across Mor, she looked amazing, as always. But there was a stiffness to her movements, a tiredness in her eyes. Erin took a deep breath, "Is there anything I could do to help?"

Mor's eyes flipped to her as she turned with the cups, placing one in front of Erin at the table.

"Have you talked to Cassian yet?" Mor asked carefully.

"There's nothing more to say. He made his opinions very clear" Erin tried to sound nonchalant, but failed miserably.

"It's hard for him, to see his people acting this way. He's always been trying to make it better in Illyria and this is all proof that it hasn't worked." Mor sighed "He blames himself more than anyone."

Erin swallowed hard. "He should know better than to think they can change."

Mor was silent. There must have been something to Erin's voice that made her swallow her reply. They drank their tea in a tired silence. And even though they didn't speak, Erin did find some kind of consolation in that she wasn't alone.

…

Erin stared into the dark that night, tired to the bone but still didn't want to close her eyes. There was no light from the sky tonight. No stars and no moon. Just dulled darkness that crept up and swallowed her whole.

She kicked the covers off, the warmth suddenly suffocating. The air cooled her skin but did nothing to erase her running thoughts. She'd tried for hours to shut them out, to shut out the thoughts of the shadowsinger. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face. Saw the molten amber eyes turning faded, feral. She played it over and over in her mind. She couldn't stop.

His eyes had dropped, that curl of hair falling onto his forehead as his eyes grazed across her naked body, slowly, hungrily.

Erin shifted again, her body once again flushing, despite the chill in the air. She clamped her legs together tightly.

Finally she drifted off to sleep, still thinking of amber eyes.

.

 _Erin dreamt that she was in the shift, in the nothingness that both scared her and welcomed her. It spread out before her like an empty landscape, no soul as long as her eyes could see. And for a few moments, she felt relaxed, laying down on the airy ground below her. She closed her eyes, she'd be safe here._

 _She felt it nipping at her fingertip._

 _She cracked her eyes open, watching as the shadow danced around her fingertips. She moved her hand up, letting it swirl around her fingers and then up her wrist._

 _At first the touch was so light she barely felt it, just a slight tingling as it blew across her skin. But then the shadow grew larger, denser as it played across her arm. She let it travel up her shoulder, and she shuddered as it kissed her neck._

 _It kissed it's way across her neck, her collarbone, and up the other side. Getting denser, more corporeal by the second. Erin let her head fall back, allowing the shadows to keep their journey up her jawline._

 _She gasped as it flickered by her lips, almost electrifying. The shadows smelled like him, like the shadowsinger._

 _The shadows paused, traveling by her cheek, across her eyelids and back down, once again kissing her lips. Erin closed her eyes._

 _She was hot, her skin was burning feverishly despite her thin nightclothes. And the shadows where cool, soothing as they traveled down her neck. She sighed, marveling at the tender chill._

 _Suddenly shadows came curling from everywhere around, dancing around her toes and traveling up her hair._

 _She leaned back into the ground she didn't feel. She only felt the shadows, only felt them as they explored and cooled her body. She felt it especially as the shadows traveled down her across her shoulder, and then nipped at her breast._

 _She bit her lip, her back arching._

 _The shadows thickened, circling her breast. It felt like a touch, like ghostly fingers cupping her through the thin fabric of her shirt._

 _She gasped this time, her breasts tightening under her shirt._

 _Oh._

 _Despite the soothing shadows, she was burning. A fire that started deep, deep down, below her stomach. A pulsating beat in her very core. She moved her legs, the pounding so hard she didn't know what to do. Her fingers clawed at the nothing below._

 _A shadow snaked across her stomach. The bare inches between her thin shorts and top. It trailed kisses across her stomach, down beneath her navel._

 _She shuddered as it traveled over her shorts, over her hip, and caressed her burning thigh. More shadows came traveling, across her stomach, playing at the hem of her shorts. Quietly tracing patterns across her legs, higher._

 _She held her breath, her back arching as the shadows played across her, sneaking across her burning skin and traveling slowly up the inside of her thigh. She moved her legs just slightly, wanting them to continue, wanting them to ease that incessant pounding now located between her legs._

 _So close, they swept, hard and cool against her skin, against the edge of her shorts. Her back arched in anticipation as the shadow densed, almost like ghostly fingers across her thin shorts and then-_

Erin startled awake. Consciousness hitting her like brick.

She was slick with sweat, her skin prickling like she was on fire, and her breath came out ragged and hard.

She clamped her legs together immediately, the pounding in her core so hard she could barely think of anything else. She closed her eyes and tried to gasp down as much cooling air as she could.

Just a dream. It didn't mean anything.

The pounding continued, reverberating through her whole body as she lay back down. Still breathing hard she laid back down.

This had never happened to her before. A dream about… that. She bit her lip, she didn't even want to think about it. Didn't want to think about what her body wanted right now. Just go back to sleep, she ordered herself.

But she found herself listening through the dark apartment, it was empty Mor still wasn't home. Not that it mattered, she told herself again.

The pounding continued, and the brief but soothing feel of a shadowy hand between her legs lingered. What would have happened if she hadn't woken up?

She realized she'd bundled her hands into the sheets, her knuckles turning white. She'd… explored herself before. A few times, if she'd had the privacy. Mostly out of curiosity, it had been fine but… she'd never really felt the need before.

Not like this. Not like this incessant, thought consuming feeling burning through her whole body.

Erin didn't know how long she lay there, trying to quench the fire inside her. Maybe she wasn't even fully awake anymore as she finally gave in. And the thought of shadows and molten amber eyes brought her over the edge for the first time.

 **AN: HEY GUYS! I'M BACK. And with a saucy chapter, gotta come back with a bang right?**

 **I'm really sorry about the delay for this chapter, but things ended between me and my boyfriend and I've had to take some time to work through it.**

 **Because of the long wait I had to change some things, so I haven't changed the setting to M yet, but I'll probably have to soon. So once again remember to save the story, or favorite or follow so you'll find it and not miss any updates.**


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